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Why are some people making a big deal out of this? They were only cousins. Besides, I "broke in" both of my sisters pretty good while growing up. This is a total nonissue in my opinion.
I am in the wrong because my actions caused extensive damage, NOT because I took advantage of her son and now I feel bad about it. See the difference?
What I did was accidentally damaging, like running over a puppy. Some might say damage is damage and intent makes no difference, but I disagree.
No. This was not an accident like running over a puppy. You didn't have sex with your younger cousin by accident.
If you were over the age of consent and your cousin was under the age of consent, then you raped your cousin in the eyes of the law. Children cannot give consent. Your cousin was 3, (almost 4) years younger than you. Even considering the age gap provision that most states consider when prosecuting rape and molestation cases between teens, you are walking a very fine line here.
Last edited by boodhabunny; 09-27-2010 at 11:00 PM..
No. This was not an accident like running over a puppy. You didn't have sex with your younger cousin by accident.
No, I did not have sex by accident but the resulting damage was accidental. If I had known how damaging and hurt he was going to have been by this, even 10+ later, I would have never, ever done it.
The one time I confronted my cousin, about 5 years ago,he told me that my presence brings up all this pain and shame for him. Since then, I have stayed away, out of respect for his feelings. .
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alexiss
It wasn't until about 5 or 6 years after it happened that my cousin began being very rude to me at family functions. It was suggested to me by someone else that I confront my cousin privately. It was then I found out the shame he had been harboring all this time,
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alexiss
in my 17 year old mind, I had no idea or concept of the repercussions of my behavior. Absolutely none. If I had even a smidgen of an idea of the pain and drama this was going to create, I never would have done it. What I thought at the time was that it would be fun, then maybe awkward for a few years and then we'd all grow up and move on.
If I knew my cousin was going to get stuck in a shame spiral that's haunted him all the years, I would have never, done it. I feel awful about it now. I care about my family's feelings and the last thing in the whole world I'd ever want to do is hurt any of them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alexiss
There is no doubt in my mind that he FEELS he was molested, by the way he's reacting to this, but I DID NOT molest him. That's just sick.
We had an idea when we were hanging out one night and we went with it.
Molesting is what happens when you force yourself on someone or you force them to do something to you. There was absolutely no force or coercion, physical or verbal, involved on either side.
If you want to say that his age alone makes it a molestation, then fine.But as far as MAKING someone do something they didn't want to do, there was absolutely none of that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alexiss
There are no partial truths here. He was younger (I've said exactly how much), we were both consenting and it was mostlykissing on and off throughout the years.
I'm still on the fence about this, but I think it might be important for her to know that I didn't see what I did was wrong at the time, that I was young and immature. She may not believe me or care, but I can't live with her thinking that I tried to take advantage of her son when I know that was not the case.
There is discrepancy, he told you on two separate occassions he had problems dealing with what happened, not "one time" 5yrs ago according to what you've posted.
You don't feel you molested him, mostly kissing, he does and more than likely hes been told this by a therapist, you may have left some details out, but I don't want to know.
"Throughout the years", how many years and at what age did this begin for the two of you?
EDIT
One more thing I'll add that answered one of my previous questions, you knew it was wrong when it took place, read what you posted.
Last edited by virgode; 09-27-2010 at 11:58 PM..
Reason: edited and added comments
There is discrepancy, he told you on two separate occassions he had problems dealing with what happened, not "one time" 5yrs ago according to what you've posted.
You don't feel you molested him, he does and more than likely hes been told this by a therapist.
"Throughout the years", how many years and at what age did this begin for the two of you?
Whether or not Alexxis feels as if she did any thing improper, perception is reality for her cousin and you are 100% correct....the cousin probably feels victimized...
Alexxis, you need to respect your cousins wishes, make no contact with him and if I were you, I wouldn't go to family functions...let him make the first move to reconcile with you if he feels so inclined...
Why are some people making a big deal out of this? They were only cousins. Besides, I "broke in" both of my sisters pretty good while growing up. This is a total nonissue in my opinion.
To the OP, you are going to have to wait until the family has gotten over the anger and betrayal. If the guy told his own mother about what happened just to get rid of you, well he must have been pretty desperate. Please respect his wishes and stay away. Just because he acted like he was happy at his brothers graduation, does not mean that things were okay. It was his brother's graduation, he wasn't going to act like his dog just got ranned over. Obviously he is feeling something was not right, and you just need to stay away from him. He sees you hanging out with the family as a major issue, and things can never be the same. Technically, the parents told you to stay away from their son, and the family when he was going to be around. They are trying to protect their son, why can't you just walk away? You sound a little obsessed. They did not say you couldn't go visit them when the son was with his own family on vacation, or simply doing his own thing. No matter how much he hangs out with his own mom , i'm sure he does things on his own with his own wife and kids, they just don't want you there when he is there. OP, you must understand, you need to stay away. This is quickly becoming a stalking, if you simply refuse to go your own way. People makes mistakes, and they must live with them. Write them that letter or ask to speak with the mom later. But please leave that family alone before they get a restraining order against you and you end up hurting them more.
No, I did not have sex by accident but the resulting damage was accidental. If I had known how damaging and hurt he was going to have been by this, even 10+ later, I would have never, ever done it.
What you seem to be saying is that while you don't believe you did anything wrong, you regret that other people (mistakenly) believe that you did. And you're really sorry that their incorrect point of view is causing them pain.
There is discrepancy, he told you on two separate occassions he had problems dealing with what happened, not "one time" 5yrs ago according to what you've posted.
You don't feel you molested him, mostly kissing, he does and more than likely hes been told this by a therapist, you may have left some details out, but I don't want to know.
"Throughout the years", how many years and at what age did this begin for the two of you?
EDIT
One more thing I'll add that answered one of my previous questions, you knew it was wrong when it took place, read what you posted.
No, him and I only spoke about it one time.
I don't know how old I was when the kissing started, I totally don't remember when it started.
I did know it was wrong at the time, but in the way that telling a white lie is wrong, not in the way that shooting somebody is wrong. On a scale of wrongness, when I was 17, I would have put it at a 2 or a 3. At the time, I never thought it would end in ever-lasting internal damage.
What you seem to be saying is that while you don't believe you did anything wrong, you regret that other people (mistakenly) believe that you did. And you're really sorry that their incorrect point of view is causing them pain.
You are not ready to write a letter.
It doesn't really matter whether or not I agree it should cause them pain. The point is that it does and I feel bad about that.
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