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A 17 year old girl who sees 13-14 year old boys as a sexual peer needs mental help. Sorry to be blunt but, there is something seriously wrong with you. Get a therapist.
It sounds like the family/cousin is placing 100% of the blame and responsibility on the OP, when in all fairness, it should be split equally between the two. The family is siding with the cousin and while there is not a total ban on the OP making contact, it amounts to that since the cousin is always around.
What it comes down to is that there is little chance for the situation to get better until this cousin learns to live with his past. Unfortunately, there appears to be little chance for you to find why this came about with him. Since we can speculate all we want and never hit on it, here's my guess. He still has feelings for you, but now considers it wrong. Seeing you brings up these feelings so his solution is to not have you around. What ever the real reason, I think it's not in your control so you have little chance of fixing it.
A 17 year old girl who sees 13-14 year old boys as a sexual peer needs mental help. Sorry to be blunt but, there is something seriously wrong with you. Get a therapist.
There are a lot of people here who disagree with you, hopefully my family will be more open and rational. But, I guess if they think like you do, they may not be and that's something I should prepare myself for.
Since we can speculate all we want and never hit on it, here's my guess. He still has feelings for you, but now considers it wrong. Seeing you brings up these feelings so his solution is to not have you around. What ever the real reason, I think it's not in your control so you have little chance of fixing it.
I had never considered that since I positively do not have feelings for him now and have not since we were teens, but to me, it makes sense. He may be still holding onto the shame because he's still holding onto his older feelings.
What the OP did is very close to child molestation (being consensual is not a excuse, the boy was too young to give consent). Couple that with the problem with incest. Regardless of why the guy brought it up (he should not have done so IMO) there is no going back. Accept it and move on. You made a bad choice years ago and must live with the consequences.
I know I'm in the wrong and that it was an extremely bad decision.
My question is do you think that there is anything I can do or say to help mend the situation? or in other words, if it happened to your child, is there anything the other family member could say or do that would help make it better?
Alexiss, I wouldn't concern myself with your cousin or his family.
Assuming that you have been honest in your conveyance of the reason for the scarlet letter that you are wearing, I sympathize totally with you.
Your cousin, for whatever reason, betrayed you. If he felt like confessing his own adolescent mistake, that was his prerogative but insofar as his
need to divulge your name in his confession to his mother, I tend to interpret that, as unforgivable. It would be nice to know just how long that
you have been out of their grace, because it would make it more or less understandable of why or at what age, your cousin felt the need or had
a motive to destroy your relationship with his (or your) family. Unless his own mother has disowned him also for the event, it would seem terribly
unfair for her to accept his behavior and not yours. Thank you for sharing your troubles with us and as another poster here mentioned, only time
will heal the hurt and maybe someday, that time will come.
There are a lot of people here who disagree with you, hopefully my family will be more open and rational. But, I guess if they think like you do, they may not be and that's something I should prepare myself for.
If you think that it's "open and rational" to view 17 year old dating 13-14 year old boys as something that is ok, I can understand why your family is so disgusted with you. I'm disgusted, and I'm not even related to you:
We know you shagged him when he was 14... and you also admit in post #19 that you were "kissing on and off throughout the years" before you did him. Well doing the math, this means you were tonguing this kid when he was 11 or younger. (Because it had to be 3 or more years or else you would have said "we kissed for a couple of years" or "we kissed the year before." Sorry but, that's disgusting behavior. He wasn't even in puberty yet and you were using him as a sexual object. Gross.
Do the right thing for once, don't speak to those family members again until you can understand what you did was WRONG. If you finally wake up, send a sincere apology in the form of a card and don't talk to them unless they choose to talk to you first.
Do the right thing for once, don't speak to those family members again until you can understand what you did was WRONG. If you finally wake up, send a sincere apology in the form of a card and don't talk to them unless they choose to talk to you first.
Onglet, I never said once that what I was doing wasn't wrong or that I didn't regret my decision. The frustrating thing for me here is that I keep saying that I know I was in the wrong, and that I want to fix it if I can, but the people who are so focused on the "wrong" part, can't see or care about my repentance.
I'm also totally willing to stay away from that part of the family forever if that's their wish, but I'm hoping it doesn't come down to that. Am I an awful person because I eventually would like to move past this?
It would be nice to know just how long that you have been out of their grace, because it would make it more or less understandable of why or at what age, your cousin felt the need or had
a motive to destroy your relationship with his (or your) family. Unless his own mother has disowned him also for the event, it would seem terribly
unfair for her to accept his behavior and not yours. Thank you for sharing your troubles with us and as another poster here mentioned, only time
will heal the hurt and maybe someday, that time will come.
Onglet, I never said once that what I was doing wasn't wrong or that I didn't regret my decision. The frustrating thing for me here is that I keep saying that I know I was in the wrong, and that I want to fix it if I can, but the people who are so focused on the "wrong" part, can't see or care about my repentance.
I'm also totally willing to stay away from that part of the family forever if that's their wish, but I'm hoping it doesn't come down to that. Am I an awful person because I eventually would like to move past this?
You've had 10+ years to think it over and regret what you did. I too don't know why at this late stage your cousin decided to share it, but it was his right to do so and he obviously has issues. His parents on the other hand have only learned of this a couple of days ago. Why can't you give them some time to digest it?
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