Do believe friends who tell you they are "too busy" to get together? (definition, mother)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I believe the "I'm too busy", or "I've been busy" line is a lame excuse if it has been overused.
Agreed there are times when just about everyone is 'busy' and does not have time to socialize.
However, if you hear it consistently from someone, then it's obvious that person is not really interested in spending time with you.
I always laugh at the ones who don't do their part in keeping up a friendship...for example, say you don't hear from someone for quit some time and you call them....their first comment is usually something like, "I haven't heard from you in ages, where have you been??!!!"....well, gee, the phone line runs both ways....where have you been?
Just be honest, you have time to do what is really important to you!
The response below is the best of the group. If you really like someone you will find the time. If you no longer like an old friend many people will hide behing the busy excuse instead of being honest and sincere that what you once had was gone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lottamoxie
People usually make time for what's important to them. When someone says they are "too busy for..." that means the activity or the person is not important enough for them.
People will argue that they are really, really busy but again, it's all about priorities and what's important (to them).
I personally don't use that excuse. It's not that I'm ever "too busy," it's that I may not be available for whatever reason, or I don't feel like doing the activity, or I want some alone time, or I want to keep my schedule open for other plans.
Often people are too busy - but also I think most people don't really want to come out and say they'd rather sit home staring at the walls than to spend time with you.
I think the smart thing would be to take the hint, find new people with more in common and similar tastes and activities
The response below is the best of the group. If you really like someone you will find the time. If you no longer like an old friend many people will hide behing the busy excuse instead of being honest and sincere that what you once had was gone.
Seriously - do you really want to be told that someone doesn't like you anymore? Maybe they like you enough but your paths have diverged for the time-being and you no longer have enough in common.
Or maybe it's because someone is too overbearing and wants to make all the plans and the others have their own interests. The others might know that their friend likes to make all the plans and it's not stuff they want to always do so they say they're too busy.
Friendships change all the time, people move on - often college, marriage, new friends, new workplace friends, children change relationships. If people say they're too busy a few times in a row, just accept the hint and move on. Why have to be hit over the head with it?
I could still make time for anyone I really wanted to spend time with.
Bingo! That is the truth right there.
Really, there's no such thing as "too busy." There's only "not enough interest to put you higher on my priority list of people I spend time with." Because unless the person you're talking about is a complete hermit who refuses all human contact...they are managing to spend time with some other humans....just not you.
I think some people do get busy but if you're getting the same response EVERY time you're asking them to make plans then I'd be looking for new friends.
Personally speaking, as I've gotten older, I find that I have less and less time so I have a couple of good friends I spend my time with and they also lead busy lives so they don't get bent out of shape when I say I'm busy and likewise if they are busy, I don't worry about it.
I think some people do get busy but if you're getting the same response EVERY time you're asking them to make plans then I'd be looking for new friends.
Personally speaking, as I've gotten older, I find that I have less and less time so I have a couple of good friends I spend my time with and they also lead busy lives so they don't get bent out of shape when I say I'm busy and likewise if they are busy, I don't worry about it.
I agree. I have no reason to believe that any of my friends today would tell me anything less than the truth. We're close enough that we can tell each other when we are busy or just not in the mood.
"Ron," one of my better friends at the moment, is a busy man. From early June until Mid-September, he planned out his weekends methodically, and he let me know in advance that he had literally booked every single weekend until the middle of last month.
We, however, made time... during the week. An occasional weeknight dinner here or there. It helps that both of us have jobs which allow us to get home relatively early; and, it's also convenient that we reside in towns literally next to each other.
But there's another factor that makes a difference.
Both of us WANT to make time, despite busy schedules. I myself had many busy weekends in the summer, although not like Ron, and yet Ron and I kept in touch via email or occasional phone calls or Gmail chat (it's so convenient I cannot fathom not having it) sufficiently to keep each other abreast of what has been happening in our lives. And occasionally meeting on weeknights, even if for a short dinner or two, makes a huge difference in keeping a friendship going.
People need to want to make time. If in grad school or if facing insane working hours, then it's different. But if a given individual does have enough time and yet refuses to make time... as has been said, it's time to make new friends.
Jake, a friend I met over 20 years ago, refused to make time after he got married 6 years ago. I invited him repeatedly... a quick happy hour, dinner at my house. He always refused my invitations ("Jake, I'll buy you a beer or two and some fries!") or didn't even answer my voicemail messages. Turns out later he had a huge birthday bash his "friends" threw for him and I wasn't even told about it. I learned the painful way: Jake no longer saw me as a close old friend. I backed off completely. Since then I've built a new social circle and while this may sound mean, I have absolutely no need for Jake in my life. We facebook-chatted about 2 months (he initiated the chat) and I told him about how his refusals to hang out and his standing me up a number of times drove me away. He admitted it and apologized. He then asked me for my number, but I said, 'why? you'll never call me anyway.'
Again, barring overwhelming circumstances, if a person is interested in making time for another, he/she will do so. It's very simple.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Just be honest, you have time to do what is really important to you!
