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Thats when you speak up and say,"I`m doing great! My child (Billy) has had a cold the past few days that we are nursing back to health"..thanks for asking!
^^ And how is that response conversation-worthy? Do you really think that any non-family member or woman who doesn't have any kids at all is going to care that your son Billy is having a cold? I'd say that most men and most anyone who doesn't have kids is NOT going to want to hear about your sick child or how you are taking care of that sick child.
But in regards to the original post, yes, I have two female co-workers at work who are narcissistic conversation hogs. One is married, the other not. Both are attention seekers who think that we, and particularly the guys, want to hear the details of their boring lives. And they also think that the louder and sassier they talk, the more successfully flirtatious they are being. And on their days off, the rest of us enjoy the quiet.
I'm the original poster and I'm happy to say that dinner was THE LAST time I ever shared a meal, or had any social dealings at all, with that convo hog. We've not socialized since. I'm not mad or angry though...I was simply done. I think she feels the same way because I was so obviously frustrated at that meal.
I still occasionally see the other narcissist, who is definitely a "topper" (great term, btw). I just lost my job, and she has been out of work for the last 7 months and is pleading financial ruin, while eating out at least 5 times a week, dropping $50 - $100 on nice dinners, with beaucoup bucks in the bank and in her investment portfolio. She has at least a million and is in no way close to 'financial ruin.'
I was feeling particularly sad and emailed her about it saying "I'm feeling like a failure in my career." Her response? "My WHOLE LIFE is a failure, be glad only your career is kaflooey." Okay you win.
I'm the original poster and I'm happy to say that dinner was THE LAST time I ever shared a meal, or had any social dealings at all, with that convo hog. We've not socialized since. I'm not mad or angry though...I was simply done. I think she feels the same way because I was so obviously frustrated at that meal.
I still occasionally see the other narcissist, who is definitely a "topper" (great term, btw). I just lost my job, and she has been out of work for the last 7 months and is pleading financial ruin, while eating out at least 5 times a week, dropping $50 - $100 on nice dinners, with beaucoup bucks in the bank and in her investment portfolio. She has at least a million and is in no way close to 'financial ruin.'
I was feeling particularly sad and emailed her about it saying "I'm feeling like a failure in my career." Her response? "My WHOLE LIFE is a failure, be glad only your career is kaflooey." Okay you win.
Yes the "one uppers"; a sad lot to be sure....seems they lacked attention or validation as kids so they are always looking for someone to pin a blue ribbon on their chest that reads "biggest, best, worst, saddest, richest, tallest, fasted, smartest....." you get the picture....
I feel sorry for them on two counts: 1) they can not move past themselves and 2) they chase people away in droves which probably accounts for even desperate behavior when we come across them....
So I try and big a good person and listen as long as I can, not always easy.....
I agree on the 'chase people away' bit. After that response I realized I am not going to get any support from her. She HAS TO one-up everything in terms of failure or level of anxiety or whatever. She said there are NO JOBS in her field and no one will hire her. Then she starts talking about 4 different interview opportunities she's currently in. Wha??? I said "I thought you said there are no jobs and you cannot get hired?"
Welll... she says she's "too old and now has to erase the last 15 yrs of her extensive CV to appear younger and less experienced." She's 57 and I explained that only the last 10 to 15 yrs are considered relevant to a new employer with much younger hiring managers, no matter how fabulous that experience 20 yrs ago was. I'm going through that as well, though I'm 8 yrs younger.
She'll land at a new high-paying contract--she always does, and she'll continue to complain about how she's only making $75/hr when she 'should be' making twice that amount, and she will retain her status as the biggest victim ever, while eating out at expensive restaurants, buying endless clothes & shoes, fixing up her house, and still have not gone through her 'rainy day funds' to even touch her actual savings.
I have an intuition that you are the one who gets your hand held and are the quickest to point fingers at others who need help to deflect your own ways. Red herring?
Are the people you speak of "quality people"??? If not who cares if they are "scared away"?
Quote:
Originally Posted by lottamoxie
I agree on the 'chase people away' bit. After that response I realized I am not going to get any support from her. She HAS TO one-up everything in terms of failure or level of anxiety or whatever. She said there are NO JOBS in her field and no one will hire her. Then she starts talking about 4 different interview opportunities she's currently in. Wha??? I said "I thought you said there are no jobs and you cannot get hired?"
Welll... she says she's "too old and now has to erase the last 15 yrs of her extensive CV to appear younger and less experienced." She's 57 and I explained that only the last 10 to 15 yrs are considered relevant to a new employer with much younger hiring managers, no matter how fabulous that experience 20 yrs ago was. I'm going through that as well, though I'm 8 yrs younger.
She'll land at a new high-paying contract--she always does, and she'll continue to complain about how she's only making $75/hr when she 'should be' making twice that amount, and she will retain her status as the biggest victim ever, while eating out at expensive restaurants, buying endless clothes & shoes, fixing up her house, and still have not gone through her 'rainy day funds' to even touch her actual savings.
I have an intuition that you are the one who gets your hand held and are the quickest to point fingers at others who need help to deflect your own ways. Red herring?
No. You are the one that made all those posts about not having any friends... if anyone in this thread has issues with socializing, it's YOU.
Quality People? I see good qualities in most people I have socialized with. It is only over time...sometimes a long time...that you see these other traits that can get in the way. None of the narci/convo hogs are cruel or mean and they are kind to animals <g>. They have good hearts and are decent, tax-paying, upstanding citizens.
But one comes to find there is no reciprocity in conversations with this type of person. No sharing of stories--just monologues or one-upmanship, neither of which are conducive to building a deeper, mutually-supportive friendship.
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And on their days off, the rest of us enjoy the quiet. 
