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My question probably sounds ridiculous but I'd really like to hear some opinions. I’m a 25 year old woman. I work, I have a decent job, I have a degree. I also have a good amount of debt. This really sucks when I think about it because I lived at home the entire time and I worked the entire time. If I had no loans, I could probably afford to live on my own but getting an apartment is expensive and I would probably need to get a roommate to share the costs. My reasoning was that rather than going through the trouble of finding a roommate and paying rent to someone else, I could continue to stay home and help my parents especially since my mother had lost her job. I also knew it would upset my mother if I moved out because she doesn't believe single young women should live alone. For the most part I do get along with my parents. My issue is that my parents are very religious and are very conservative but I tend to go along with a lot of what they ask me to do. I go to church pretty much every week, I don’t like going very often but I feel somewhat obligated at this point. I’m also in a relationship with an older man at church who my parents adore. I don’t really have any friends outside of church. I feel like I’ve missed out on the opportunity to leave this environment. I’m not sure what it is I’m looking for but I am bored with my life and I don’t feel content. It was my choice to stick around but I really can’t help feeling like I must be missing out on something. I’ve watched other kids who grew up in this church leave as soon as they went off to college. A lot of them don’t come back after they finish school. They sometimes visit on school breaks but they never stay for very long. Also, I work with mostly middle aged people, I often hear them joke around about the kinds of things they did when they were my age. They are a friendly bunch but I dread when they ask me what I do with my weekends. I can’t help feeling kind of envious. The kind of lifestyle they talk about is not the kind of lifestyle I could live while living in the same city as my parents let alone under the same roof. I sometimes think of packing up and moving to a new city somewhere to live a more exciting life. The man I’m dating says I just need to learn to move on with my life since I can’t go back in time. I know the grass is not always greener on the other side but I'm not sure this is where and how I want to live my life. But I don't know if it's worth it to leave my family behind and end this relationship just because I just want to have fun. Is this something I need to learn to get over?
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,742,544 times
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Honey, I grew up in a strict Christian home and kept friends in the church bubble. LEAVE. I left home at age 23 and I found a world I am still discovering more about loving every single day of it. If you dont get outside the church bubble you will miss untold wonders and joys of this world.
If you are confident that you can find a job and support yourself in another city, away from Mom and Dad... then go. I moved out to go to College when I was 18, and never went back home. Boy did I have the time of my life.
My suggestion is to stay put for the remainder of this year and get as much of your debt paid off as possible.
Then perhaps you should look into moving out of your parents home and into an apartment in the city you currently live in and see how it goes.
That will give you more freedom, more privacy and you will be able to keep your current job and see if you can actually budget your money, pay all of your debts, put a bit in savings and still have the funds to go out and about.
You will have to have money for rental deposit, rent, application fees and the fees for utilities to be turned on which may also require a deposit since I would guess you have nothing in your name currently or in the past.
Get your financial home in order and under control before you toss everything aside to see if the grass is actually greener on the other side of the world.
As the son of a pastor, I'd say leave. I recently moved out of my parents house due to me and my girlfriend having a child together. I'm currently in the process of moving to Texas. My parents were against the idea of me moving out, but honestly it's the best decision I've ever made. Has it always been easy? Hell no! But the freedom and independence I have has made it all worth it. My only regret is that I'm 23, soon to be 24, and that I didn't do it sooner. My advice to you would be to make sure you can make it on your own. Don't allow your parents to send you on religious guilt trips that cause you to second guess yourself. You're an adult and you have every right to make your own decisions. Get out and enjoy what life has to offer while you still have your 20's left. Best wishes to you!
Move out and start to live your life. Do it the smart way though. Organize your finances. To start, find somewhere to live that is within commuting distance to your current job. Check into rentals. Save up enough money for security deposit, first, last, etc. Look into getting a room mate if needed.
Get rid of the much older boyfriend now. He'll only tie you into the lifestyle you're currently living. In several months, a year or so, make your move. Do it without guilt. Then seek out people your own age, people that are not part of your current church. Put the past behind you. In time, if you want to go back to church, attend one that is not your parent's church. Get out from under them.
This time of your life is for you. Don't give it up so others can control you. When you get comfortable living on your own, have some money saved up, then look into a job in another city. But do get out on your own. Good luck
I'm in the same situation as you, 25 and thinking about leaving. My parents are religious as well, but they gave up on persuading me to go to church. There are pros and cons to everything. I'm still debating myself.
Pros:
- You can not put a price on freedom and you only have 5 more years of your twenties left. It's time to have fun!
- Freedom to do whatever you want and do whatever you want is great! How do you put a price on your youth?
Cons:
- I'm assuming you're paying a little rent right now? Why pay someone else rent when you can put equity/money in your parent's home, which might eventually be yours? Besides, you're helping out your parents with the rent and getting a cheaper/reduced rent I'm assuming so it's a win-win for everyone!
- You have access to all of your house's facilities (a bedroom of your own, a kitchen, the backyard, laundry room, etc, etc.) Why give that up to live with a room mate who you don't know and who can be messy?
- You have significant loans. Why not save, save, save since most people in their 20's are struggling to even find a job, so you're already ahead of your peers considering that your parents are giving you a "gift" of reduced rent. Then, you can save that money to put a down payment on a house/condo in a few years.
With that being said, how hard is it to live with your parents? Aside from them making you go to church, do they make you constantly feel suffocated or are you just ready to be on your own for fun? If they're clearly suffocating you, then I would leave. I thought about leaving myself, but then my parents are very chillax when it comes to chores, where I go, who I see, and what I do. I can see where you would want to have fun.
Regardless, you should start saving up as much money as possible. Record all of your spending (I use money lover plus) and determine the average amount of $$ that you save in a month. This will allow you to figure out a more realistic approach to how much you can spend. Freedom is fun, but struggling with finances is not fun at all. So be realistic. If in say 5 months, you still want to move out, then move out. However, try to not sign any contracts/lease just so that if things don't turn out well, you're not stuck in a hole. Best luck to you.
Move out and start to live your life. Do it the smart way though. Organize your finances. To start, find somewhere to live that is within commuting distance to your current job. Check into rentals. Save up enough money for security deposit, first, last, etc. Look into getting a room mate if needed.
Get rid of the much older boyfriend now. He'll only tie you into the lifestyle you're currently living. In several months, a year or so, make your move. Do it without guilt. Then seek out people your own age, people that are not part of your current church. Put the past behind you. In time, if you want to go back to church, attend one that is not your parent's church. Get out from under them.
This time of your life is for you. Don't give it up so others can control you. When you get comfortable living on your own, have some money saved up, then look into a job in another city. But do get out on your own. Good luck
Here is another suggestion. Can you get a part time job at a "fun, youthful job" in your city? Perhaps at a hip fashion store or in a college bar or in a trendy coffee shop or at a book store on a nearby college campus? It would help solve several problems. You would be earning more money to pay off your debts faster, you would have a new group of coworkers/friends to hang around with that are your own age, you probably would have a few more adventures, get invited to a few more parties, etc., etc. It would be a win-win-win situation. Think about it.
You may even find a new boyfriend closer to your own age who you will like even more that your current boyfriend (you probably didn't have a lot of men to choose between).
Living at home, going to church once a week and working with older coworkers won't seem as much of a burden if a couple of evenings a week or every Friday & Saturday night you are at a fun, part time job and hanging around with people your own age.
Yes, moving out is a great idea but if you wait perhaps six months you will have saved up money for your apartment and may have even found a female room mate to share the expenses. Don't wait too long before moving out or you may end up being an old lady still living at home.
PS. Even if the part time job only pays minimum wage or slightly above you will still get a lot of benefit from it.
Last edited by germaine2626; 05-20-2014 at 10:03 AM..
My question probably sounds ridiculous but I'd really like to hear some opinions. I’m a 25 year old woman. I work, I have a decent job, I have a degree. I also have a good amount of debt. This really sucks when I think about it because I lived at home the entire time and I worked the entire time. If I had no loans, I could probably afford to live on my own but getting an apartment is expensive and I would probably need to get a roommate to share the costs. My reasoning was that rather than going through the trouble of finding a roommate and paying rent to someone else, I could continue to stay home and help my parents especially since my mother had lost her job. I also knew it would upset my mother if I moved out because she doesn't believe single young women should live alone. For the most part I do get along with my parents. My issue is that my parents are very religious and are very conservative but I tend to go along with a lot of what they ask me to do. I go to church pretty much every week, I don’t like going very often but I feel somewhat obligated at this point. I’m also in a relationship with an older man at church who my parents adore. I don’t really have any friends outside of church. I feel like I’ve missed out on the opportunity to leave this environment. I’m not sure what it is I’m looking for but I am bored with my life and I don’t feel content. It was my choice to stick around but I really can’t help feeling like I must be missing out on something. I’ve watched other kids who grew up in this church leave as soon as they went off to college. A lot of them don’t come back after they finish school. They sometimes visit on school breaks but they never stay for very long. Also, I work with mostly middle aged people, I often hear them joke around about the kinds of things they did when they were my age. They are a friendly bunch but I dread when they ask me what I do with my weekends. I can’t help feeling kind of envious. The kind of lifestyle they talk about is not the kind of lifestyle I could live while living in the same city as my parents let alone under the same roof. I sometimes think of packing up and moving to a new city somewhere to live a more exciting life. The man I’m dating says I just need to learn to move on with my life since I can’t go back in time. I know the grass is not always greener on the other side but I'm not sure this is where and how I want to live my life. But I don't know if it's worth it to leave my family behind and end this relationship just because I just want to have fun. Is this something I need to learn to get over?
What in God's name has taken you so long? You are a biological adult, but you're not a true grown-up until you are able to live your own life on your own terms.
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