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View Poll Results: Do we pay to stay
Of course you pay! 65 81.25%
No, you're friends - payment should never have come up! 15 18.75%
Voters: 80. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 10-09-2010, 10:05 PM
 
3,486 posts, read 4,951,748 times
Reputation: 3842
Default Friends have bought an Inn - do we pay to stay? Please vote!

We have been friends with a couple for coming up on 10 years. We used to be neighbors, but have all moved so now we see them perhaps once a year. We love them to bits and consider them very good friends despite the distance.

We attended their wedding, have spent Thanksgiving with them in Vermont, time at their place in the Cape and stayed at their home in New York.
They have likewise stayed with us several times in Philly.

They have now changed their lives and bought an Inn in the country which is an amazing and exciting step in their lives (not to mention brave!).
They invited us up for New Years and said we could bring friends.

I just got an email saying how excited they are to see us and that they are allocating a 40% discount per room.

I am taken a little aback. I would NEVER charge friends to stay with me Inn or no Inn. They initially said they were going to close up for New Years, but I guess they have changed their mind.

So what to do? Is this a case of saying ok this is their business and we should support that by paying? Or is it weird that close friends who we have stayed with many times have invited us up on a paid basis?

I could use some other opinions as I'm a little disappointed and feel like somehow our friendship is now less than it was. Probably an overreaction that I will get over, but would still appreciate some thoughts!

So please vote:

Option 1: of course you pay, it's their business and you should support them by paying for the room

Or

Option 2: Inviting friends to stay and asking them to pay is odd Inn or no Inn. Obviously you're not as close to them as you thought you were!

 
Old 10-09-2010, 10:09 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
43,756 posts, read 53,328,551 times
Reputation: 36363
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hobokenkitchen View Post
We have been friends with a couple for coming up on 10 years. We used to be neighbors, but have all moved so now we see them perhaps once a year. We love them to bits and consider them very good friends despite the distance.

We attended their wedding, have spent Thanksgiving with them in Vermont, time at their place in the Cape and stayed at their home in New York.
They have likewise stayed with us several times in Philly.

They have now changed their lives and bought an Inn in the country which is an amazing and exciting step in their lives (not to mention brave!).
They invited us up for New Years and said we could bring friends.

I just got an email saying how excited they are to see us and that they are allocating a 40% discount per room.

I am taken a little aback. I would NEVER charge friends to stay with me Inn or no Inn. They initially said they were going to close up for New Years, but I guess they have changed their mind.

So what to do? Is this a case of saying ok this is their business and we should support that by paying? Or is it weird that close friends who we have stayed with many times have invited us up on a paid basis?

I could use some other opinions as I'm a little disappointed and feel like somehow our friendship is now less than it was. Probably an overreaction that I will get over, but would still appreciate some thoughts!

So please vote:

Option 1: of course you pay, it's their business and you should support them by paying for the room

Or

Option 2: Inviting friends to stay and asking them to pay is odd Inn or no Inn. Obviously you're not as close to them as you thought you were!
They extended an invitation to you, of course you don't pay!

You would only pay if/when you invite yourself
 
Old 10-09-2010, 10:14 PM
 
17,577 posts, read 16,374,188 times
Reputation: 17233
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hobokenkitchen View Post
They invited us up for New Years and said we could bring friends.

I just got an email saying how excited they are to see us and that they are allocating a 40% discount per room.
I don't see how they would be expecting you to pay, if they invited you to come spend New Year with them. Perhaps the discount was intended for any friends that you would bring? I'd have to ask them...to clarify.
 
Old 10-09-2010, 10:19 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
43,756 posts, read 53,328,551 times
Reputation: 36363
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
I don't see how they would be expecting you to pay, if they invited you to come spend New Year with them. Perhaps the discount was intended for any friends that you would bring? I'd have to ask them...to clarify.
Right - that would be like inviting folks to dinner and telling them you're only going to charge them $5.00 for the steak you plan to serve, lol!

But you are right, some clarification is in order. Some people do get weird when it comes to money.
 
Old 10-09-2010, 10:25 PM
 
3,486 posts, read 4,951,748 times
Reputation: 3842
More info:

I just went back and looked at the emails where this was discussed. Now I'm thinking perhaps we invited ourselves.

Here's how it went:

(snippet from email from me to them):

"Looks like we'll be back in January so maybe we can come visit you guys then and do a day skiing. Won't be able to take more than a weekend though - after this trip we'll be short on PTO. : )"

And the snippet of response from them:

"Come back safe and come up here in Jan or Feb please...we can do some more sledding. *Thoughts about New Years maybe? *Might be fun if we closed the place and just had a big partaay."

Followed by:

"DEFINITELY book NYE and invite some friends if you think they would like it.* Maybe we can start a tradition…we will block off a room for you. We’ll lay out details when you get back."

So it does say BOOK NYE and I was the first one to bring up a visit, not them. Does this change your votes? Maybe I just got the wrong end of the stick?
 
Old 10-09-2010, 10:28 PM
 
17,577 posts, read 16,374,188 times
Reputation: 17233
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hobokenkitchen View Post
More info:

I just went back and looked at the emails where this was discussed. Now I'm thinking perhaps we invited ourselves.

Here's how it went:

(snippet from email from me to them):

"Looks like we'll be back in January so maybe we can come visit you guys then and do a day skiing. Won't be able to take more than a weekend though - after this trip we'll be short on PTO. : )"

And the snippet of response from them:

"Come back safe and come up here in Jan or Feb please...we can do some more sledding. *Thoughts about New Years maybe? *Might be fun if we closed the place and just had a big partaay."

Followed by:

"DEFINITELY book NYE and invite some friends if you think they would like it.* Maybe we can start a tradition…we will block off a room for you. We’ll lay out details when you get back."

So it does say BOOK NYE and I was the first one to bring up a visit, not them. Does this change your votes? Maybe I just got the wrong end of the stick?
Oh yeah...totally different vote for me. Your visit is on your nickel - not theirs.
 
Old 10-09-2010, 10:28 PM
 
3,486 posts, read 4,951,748 times
Reputation: 3842
It's definitely for both rooms - our friends and ours.

In the same email they talk about how we're some of their closest friends, how much they miss us and how excited they are to see us.

From the snippets I took out it looks like a business arrangement. From the rest of the emails it looks like a friendship. Ugh I hate this!
 
Old 10-09-2010, 10:29 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
43,756 posts, read 53,328,551 times
Reputation: 36363
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hobokenkitchen View Post
More info:

I just went back and looked at the emails where this was discussed. Now I'm thinking perhaps we invited ourselves.

Here's how it went:

(snippet from email from me to them):

"Looks like we'll be back in January so maybe we can come visit you guys then and do a day skiing. Won't be able to take more than a weekend though - after this trip we'll be short on PTO. : )"

And the snippet of response from them:

"Come back safe and come up here in Jan or Feb please...we can do some more sledding. *Thoughts about New Years maybe? *Might be fun if we closed the place and just had a big partaay."

Followed by:

"DEFINITELY book NYE and invite some friends if you think they would like it.* Maybe we can start a tradition…we will block off a room for you. We’ll lay out details when you get back."

So it does say BOOK NYE and I was the first one to bring up a visit, not them. Does this change your votes? Maybe I just got the wrong end of the stick?

I don't think I'd change my vote - looks like THEY brought up New Years specifically, not you

If they didn't want to host you they could have left it more open ended - like - hope to see you again soon!
 
Old 10-09-2010, 10:30 PM
 
3,486 posts, read 4,951,748 times
Reputation: 3842
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
Oh yeah...totally different vote for me. Your visit is on your nickel - not theirs.
Ok, so next time a friend asks if they can stay at ours while they're down on business (as these guys have with us) and other friends do all the time, do we ask them to pay too?
 
Old 10-09-2010, 10:32 PM
 
17,577 posts, read 16,374,188 times
Reputation: 17233
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hobokenkitchen View Post
Ok, so next time a friend asks if they can stay at ours while they're down on business (as these guys have with us) and other friends do all the time, do we ask them to pay too?
You aren't running an inn, are you? If so, then I doubt anyone would ask if they could stay for free.
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