Family Upset Over Moving Away (husband, guilty, brother, sister) - Issues with friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances - City-Data Forum

AVTechMan · 11-14-2010, 07:11 PM

I wasn't sure whether to post this in the 'General Moving Issues' forum, since its not related directly to moving but if it should be moved please do so.

Since my family knows of my plans to move back to MI, they have for the most part distanced themselves from me because I guess they had expected me to stay on a permanent basis. My sister is the only one who feels different, but my brother has told me that he would not help me move my stuff in the moving truck when that day comes, which is about a month now so I have to find someone else to help me move.

Today I have been feeling somewhat guilty, but not totally because I see this as a chance to close a chapter in my life and begin a new one. I have lived here in Texas for 3 years and I just love MI (lived there for 4 years prior). Its tough for those who have never been through that experience but I have to admit its slightly tough to that fact that my family would distance themselves from me.

I am definitely looking forward to the move and starting the new chapter, but it seems like when your own family try to give you grief for making a change for yourself, it can somewhat complicate things.

Has anyone ever went through something like this? I know I am not the only one, and would like to hear what others who have been in similar situations like this worked through it. I will always love my family, but if I stayed in an area where I would be miserable the rest of my life, then it won't be really worth it.

Yzette · 11-14-2010, 08:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AVTechMan

I wasn't sure whether to post this in the 'General Moving Issues' forum, since its not related directly to moving but if it should be moved please do so.

Since my family knows of my plans to move back to MI, they have for the most part distanced themselves from me because I guess they had expected me to stay on a permanent basis. My sister is the only one who feels different, but my brother has told me that he would not help me move my stuff in the moving truck when that day comes, which is about a month now so I have to find someone else to help me move.

How childish.

I can't say I've been through anything so petty and selfish--I mean, really, they'd rather have you be miserable?--but I do know people who have. The most you can do is explain that your move has nothing to do with your family and everything to do with you being able to carve out a happy life for yourself somewhere else.

Ye gods, you'd think in an age when people in their 30s still live in their parents' basements, someone would be thrilled and proud to have a son who is self-sufficient.

imsh0t · 11-15-2010, 12:06 AM

What are they upset about? They feel like your ditching them? I dont think they are thinking in your best interest. Sounds selfish. If they dont understand now, they will with time.

purehuman · 11-25-2010, 09:26 AM

they are just feeling sorry for themselves right now,..they love you, and want you near..Don't sweat it, move on with your life, you're family won't stop loving you if you move,they'll adjust, like victorhe33 said if they don't understand now,they will with time

cleasach · 11-25-2010, 09:37 AM

This reminds me of a work situation I witnessed. There were a whole bunch of us who were there for about 8 years or so and then one of "us" (not me) got another job, a much better one, higher pay, higher level. Some of the people in our friends group got pissed that she was leaving.

Rather than congratulating her, some of them were constantly saying "Don't go! You can't go!" and stuff like that. It was bizarre. Then they froze her out for her remaining time there.

People are selfish. They only think of themselves and what they will lose, not what you will gain by moving. They should be happy for you if you are looking forward to moving; not putting you on a guilt trip.

The bottom line is, go. Move and be happy and let them just get over it.

Thursday007 · 11-25-2010, 09:57 AM

You aren't alone and people live through it.

According to the US census approximately 20% of the population will move to another state than their immediate family.

Between March 1999 and March 2000 one third of 20 to 29 year olds moved; a little more than twice the rate of all movers.

raubre · 11-25-2010, 10:10 AM

Are you able to hire a mover to help you move? That's what I did so I didn't have to rely on anyone. Best decision I made because there is always some kind of drama when you have people help you move. Good luck!

fallingwater · 11-25-2010, 11:56 PM

I am sorry you are going through this. I went through something kind of similar a while back. I am originally from MI myself and due to the job market there, my husband and I started looking to leave around 2003. We really wanted to make the move to NC. At Easter we got together with hubby's family as usual and my husband mentioned we were looking into a move. I was shocked at the reaction. My in-laws lost their minds! His mother hollered at us. His one sister and brother n law started saying things about NC that were so off base it stunned me. They said everyone in NC live in tar paper shacks and so on. What they didnt know is that we had made a trip there a month prior for a job interview. We took our son to see the ocean and he really enjoyed it. So on the way home from our lovely Easter get together, our son started to cry a little in the car. We asked him what was wrong and he cried, " I dont want to live in a shack!"

So hubby and I decided if we were to seriously consider leaving the state we would keep our plans to ourselves. NC never worked out but he got a job offer in IN and we didnt tell a soul about the interview or our plans until it was all set up. Hubby went to see his mother and said that he got a job out of state and was leaving in 2 days. I think she was so shocked she didnt have time to react. We made all the arrangements with no help. Of course my in-laws started to blame me. I put wacky ideas into hubby's head. But he moved first to get established and I stayed behind to settle the house and so forth. I think my in-laws realized I had control so they were fake nice to me so they could see my son. When I got ready to actually make the move, they helped me. I didnt ask, they offered.

They visit us a lot. More than I like and our relations have actually improved for some reason. They see were are much more happy. Your family will get over the childish behavior. Look into hiring a college kid to help you load the truck. This is your life and do what makes you happy.

SunJoaquin · 11-26-2010, 12:52 AM

AVTechMan, can I assume that you have a job lined up in MI and that you are prepared to live on your own? If not then your family's happiness is likely replaced with concern, and that is understandable, especially with the nation's economic anemia.

If you do, or have back-up plans (enough savings to support yourself while you look) then I'd have to agree with a lot of the posters about your family being selfish. It's a tough thing to deal with but they'll adapt. What are their options, other than make you unwelcome? And if they do that you'll be glad you left it behind.

Bondurant · 11-26-2010, 12:38 PM

Sorry to hear about your family issues. This is the first I've heard of something like this. Perhaps your brother is over reacting to your choice to move back to MI. I know if I told my folks I was headed back to MI they would be pretty pissed because of the gamble but they'd still assist me.

I hope you have work lined up because it's an economic wasteland. That's why I left. My friend lost his job the same day I did, November 5, 2008. I left just before Christmas the next month. My friend was out of work for another 8 months. Best of luck to you. I'm sure this family problem will pass.