Hey Mom & Dad...I think I'm Gay! (male, person, member)

[MsB23]

Hmmm...I have a son...& to be honest (that's what we were going for here...) it would bother me.

I have nothing against gay people, & would love & support my son no matter what. I don't know why (& I apologize to any gay men who might be reading this, because it's nothing personal) but the whole gay male sex thing really creeps me out. Women don't bother me so much for some reason. I wish I could explain the difference, but I can't.

Part of my feelings would be selfish. I have somewhat traditional values and hope for my son to have a wife & kids someday.

Like I said tho, I would love & support him no matter what...& I would keep my selfish feelings to myself.

[belovenow]

Originally Posted by MsB23

Hmmm...I have a son...& to be honest (that's what we were going for here...) it would bother me.
I have nothing against gay people, & would love & support my son no matter what. I don't know why (& I apologize to any gay men who might be reading this, because it's nothing personal) but the whole gay male sex thing really creeps me out. Women don't bother me so much for some reason. I wish I could explain the difference, but I can't.
Part of my feelings would be selfish. I have somewhat traditional values and hope for my son to have a wife & kids someday.
Like I said tho, I would love & support him no matter what...& I would keep my selfish feelings to myself.

You know, I tend to agree with most of what you wrote and I was wondering if anyone else would write those thoughts. I'd be the loving father supportive of my son and who ever made him happy. But the other thoughts I would have (for this snapshot in time) would be along the lines of disappointment that I might never have grandkids. Furthermore I would question if it was something my wife or I did to have a homosexual son - since all other things being the same, we have no known family members with gay lifestyles so you could "almost" completely rule out genetics as a factor.

[Isaysos]

I would accept it because being gay is NOT A CHOICE, but how you were born. If you are straight man, could you convince yourself to start loving another man the same way that you love your wife? Knowing that I was gay since I was a child foreced me to look for answers and realize things about myself on my own, my parents probaly would have supported me, but I was too scared to tell them the truth. Why would anyone choose to be gay knowing the descrimination they must put up with if they come out and keeping a secret from their friends and family their whole life if they choose to stay in. Believe me, growing up and having people that you look up to telling you that gay people go to hell when they die, but knowing that you are gay and un-able to tell them that, is a tramatic experience that takes alot of self research and realization to convince your self that they dont know what their talking about. If you are a homophobe or think that someone who is gay can just change themselves at the snap of a finger obviously have no idea what being gay is like. Are there any others in the gay community that choose to back me up on this? It took me a long time to convince myself that this is how God made me and that I have to grow up, be proud of who I am, and not to listen to strait people who tell me Im a sinner and need to change myself.

[cremebrulee]

I have read a whole lot of credible feedback here..but I can't actually say, what I would do or say at the time...I would hope I would handle the situation, as well as most of you suggest...

[MsB23]

Originally Posted by Isaysos

I would accept it because being gay is NOT A CHOICE, but how you were born. If you are straight man, could you convince yourself to start loving another man the same way that you love your wife? Knowing that I was gay since I was a child foreced me to look for answers and realize things about myself on my own, my parents probaly would have supported me, but I was too scared to tell them the truth. Why would anyone choose to be gay knowing the descrimination they must put up with if they come out and keeping a secret from their friends and family their whole life if they choose to stay in. Believe me, growing up and having people that you look up to telling you that gay people go to hell when they die, but knowing that you are gay and un-able to tell them that, is a tramatic experience that takes alot of self research and realization to convince your self that they dont know what their talking about. If you are a homophobe or think that someone who is gay can just change themselves at the snap of a finger obviously have no idea what being gay is like. Are there any others in the gay community that choose to back me up on this? It took me a long time to convince myself that this is how God made me and that I have to grow up, be proud of who I am, and not to listen to strait people who tell me Im a sinner and need to change myself.

This response has a lot to do with my feelings about the "what if" for my son. I can only imagine what it must feel like to be gay in a world where many will persecute you. As a parent, imagining my child having to go thru that is very painful. I know my son has to stumble & go thru hardships in order to learn & grow...but it's really hard to watch.

As far as choice/biology goes for homosexuality goes...I'm not gay, so I can't answer that for you. I do agree tho that many gay people would choose to be straight if they could, just because it would simplify their lives.

Honestly, I really have nothing against gay people. If that's what makes you happy, whatever, I really don't care. I was just being honest when I mentioned 2 men together making me a little uncomfortable...but I would equate that to someone who is really not into oral sex (for example) being creeped out watching others do it. It is honestly nothing personal.

I am somewhat of a traditionalist at heart, & I want the traditional things for my son...happiness & a strong sense of himself, & right & wrong...and I'd also love for him to have a wife & kids, etc.

I love him profoundly, & something like that is not going to change that.

& Isaysos, you're not going to go to hell. Live your life honestly & don't stress about that. You are who you are.

[Isaysos]

Thanks MsB23, and yes I know Im not going to hell for the way that God made me. I did at a time though think that when I was a child, because that was what alot of the adults (well almost all adults at that time) were saying when I was growing up to me(even though they did not know I was gay). But as I became wiser and learned more about myself, religion, and the way that other people think and say bad things about stuff that they dont understand, I learned that God accepts me for who I am, so I should to.
I am very luckey though, that I did make it through my childhood without getting too depressed about things or carrying out any suicidal tendiencies. (I hate to say it) But yes, it is very, very hard growing up gay and having no one to talk to that understands you and hearing all of the negative talk about gays. I think that it deffinatly made me stronger as a person though.

[Sam I Am]

Originally Posted by Isaysos

Thanks MsB23, and yes I know Im not going to hell for the way that God made me. I did at a time though think that when I was a child, because that was what alot of the adults (well almost all adults at that time) were saying when I was growing up to me(even though they did not know I was gay). But as I became wiser and learned more about myself, religion, and the way that other people think and say bad things about stuff that they dont understand, I learned that God accepts me for who I am, so I should to.
I am very luckey though, that I did make it through my childhood without getting too depressed about things or carrying out any suicidal tendiencies. (I hate to say it) But yes, it is very, very hard growing up gay and having no one to talk to that understands you and hearing all of the negative talk about gays. I think that it deffinatly made me stronger as a person though.

Maybe a little off topic, Isaysos, and I can't tell how old you are - but do you think the climate has changed somewhat for gays now? It seems to me the world is more accepting, but I'm not gay, so I'm just asking out of curiosity....or is it just all talk and most people are still truly homophobic but want to be politically correct?

I hate to sound all.....I don't know what the word is that I'm looking for.....but if one of my sons told me that he "thought" he was gay, I think my first reaction might be, "if you are, you'd know it"...is there really a question of your sexual preference if you're born gay, or do you just want to fit in so badly that you push your feelings down inside you somewhere?

Please understand - I am not being critical, I'm trying to ask a question and understand a little more. Thank you for your honesty so far - and may life be good to you. I think it's so sad that people, no matter what their sexual orientation, would feel suicidal over being "different"

[Isaysos]

Ill reply quick, as you have caught me before my meeting. Yes, the world has changed towards homosexuals since I have grown up. It also depends on where you live. Here in the mid-west people are not as accepting as on the cost, but many larger mid-western cities are "gay friendly" if I should use the term. I still don't talk about my orientation at work since I fear that people would feel uncomfortable about it and would take me less seriously.

Personally, I knew that growing up, I was never attracted to women, and wasnt sure if I was gay or not, even after puberty, I tried my hardest to convince my self I was straight, but I think around 14 or 15, knew that I was deffinatly gay. Some people probably know earlier than others, but I just never did feel attracted to women, even though I would pretend to in order to fit in. Not sure if my high school friend knew I was gay or not (Im thinking not, as many of them were homophobic and would not have hung out with me if they knew)

But yes, it is very difficult not to get depressed when your learning about the world and feel as if you are worthless and evil because of the way that you are, hear your friends making gay jokes all of the time and having to go along with it, thinking your the only one in the world going through that, and being to affraid to tell someone or talk to someone, even your parents about it. Having to make up reasons to not date a girl that is attracted to you was also very difficut for me and I feel really bad for the girls that tried to date me and I just came up with lame excuses.

Anyway,

It was very frightning to me when I first started having "feelings" but you just have to grow and learn to accept it and not care what anyone else thinks.

[Wisteria]

I guess if I had a child who came to me and said they were gay, or thought maybe they were, I'd allow them the space to see if that is indeed what they truly felt they were. I think teens and young adults sometimes experiment, however, the people I know who are gay have told me that it is something they couldn't deny -- even if they wanted to.

Fortunately, I live in a very open place and gays are openly accepted. I'd say approximately 1/3 of our workplace is gay -- both men and women -- and they are all out and open about it. We even have baby showers for those having children (quite a few, actually).

Maybe because I'm around that lifestyle more, I wouldn't be freaked out. And as for grandchildren, I could do without. My sisters all have kids, and our genes will carry on through their kids when they have children.

Quite honestly, though, one often can tell by the time a kid is in their teens and often much earlier which direction they are headed. I remember a friend of mine's son who was only about 9 then, would beg to have the girl's prizes at these events we would go to. They'd hand him a bag for a "boy," and he'd be literally in tears, and she'd have to go back and exchange it for a girl's toy. She never talked about it, though, however as a social worker, I'm sure she had her inklings, and she was never judgmental.

I know bigotry and prejudice exist, and I'm glad there are pockets of acceptance in this country that allow people to live their lives honestly. One of the guys I work with has a post office box near me and when we're there at the same time and his latest issue of "OUT" is received, he's all talkative and delighted about it -- he has a tremendous sense of humor, too -- and it's great fun.

I have supervisors who are gay, many co-workers, and the straights and gays work side by side.

And anyone who has a child and rejects their child based on their sexual orientation, is not a good parent -- at least in my eyes. With the intense love we feel for our children, I do not understand how some parents can be so cruel as to reject their children, or try to twist them into something they are not.

I really don't know many people who are repulsed by gays, or anything like that, except....a couple people I know who are devout born again Christians....which is really sad to me, because you would think they'd be the first to embrace someone different. I have a friend who struggles with that because we live in a very open community here, and he said to me last week, "I am trying to be less critical about people and their lifestyles. I have to remember that the people Jesus hung out with were those who were the downtrodden and outcasts." I give him credit for getting to that point -- although he is nearly 70 and maybe at his age realizing life is now much shorter, he may be reflecting on past attitudes.

When it comes to our kids, how could you not love them? For any reason?

Hoosier, are you just taking a survey to see what the general populace thinks? It seems, though, from what I've seen on this board, that many people here are pretty well-educated, seemingly more tolerant, and well-versed in many things, so maybe this isn't the best place to query. What do you think about these answers that seem so similar so far?

It's an interesting question, although -- because of where I live -- I had already thought of that long ago before my daughter reached puberty -- and now it is quite evident that she is really into boys!!

[Rance]

So many believe that God "made them" gay? And yet does it not mention in the bible about God "not wanting" people to be homosexual? Hmmm...

I honestly believe I would flip right out if my kids told me they thought they were gay. But thats just me. I don't know any gay males or females and have never really been exposed to it...other than I did see some guys holding hands in Stockholm recently.