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Old 12-29-2010, 03:29 PM
 
Location: Eastern Washington
13,435 posts, read 42,918,161 times
Reputation: 11551

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
I have a situation with dss and his wife. She's a stay at home mom who is pregnant with their 5th child. Her mom is retired and spends a lot of time with the kids (she has nothing better to do) whereas, I have a full time job and two teenagers at home so I see the kids when they come and visit. Anyway, they've decided we're lousy grandparents because we don't come and take the kids and we expect them to visit us instead of us visiting them and now we're, pretty much, cut off from seeing the grand kids. They're trying to force me to choose between not seeing the grand kids or taking them off their hands frequently and with her pregnant, I'm really on their **** list. I have NO time during the school year. I barely see my own kids.

Here's my take. I, simply, do not have the energy or the time to be taking their kids with any frequency. I have enough on my plate with my own two and my career. Plus, they're the ones who decided to have 5 kids (they want 6). So, if you choose to have more kids than you can handle, does family owe it to you to help you out? There's a reason I stopped at two. A good one. I do not need their four on top of my two.

I love my grandkids but I'm struggling with my two and my job. I don't need their kids too. Does this make me selfish?
You should make time to babysit their kids and show them the movie "Idiocracy".

Seriously. Does dss mean Dear Second Son?

Their kids are their problem. You don't owe them anything.
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Old 12-29-2010, 03:52 PM
 
3,408 posts, read 5,151,180 times
Reputation: 2433
If your dear sex slave has 5 children, the yes, you should help take care of them
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Old 12-29-2010, 03:54 PM
 
Location: colorado
2,788 posts, read 4,252,840 times
Reputation: 3312
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
I have a situation with dss and his wife. She's a stay at home mom who is pregnant with their 5th child. Her mom is retired and spends a lot of time with the kids (she has nothing better to do) whereas, I have a full time job and two teenagers at home so I see the kids when they come and visit. Anyway, they've decided we're lousy grandparents because we don't come and take the kids and we expect them to visit us instead of us visiting them and now we're, pretty much, cut off from seeing the grand kids. They're trying to force me to choose between not seeing the grand kids or taking them off their hands frequently and with her pregnant, I'm really on their **** list. I have NO time during the school year. I barely see my own kids.

Here's my take. I, simply, do not have the energy or the time to be taking their kids with any frequency. I have enough on my plate with my own two and my career. Plus, they're the ones who decided to have 5 kids (they want 6). So, if you choose to have more kids than you can handle, does family owe it to you to help you out? There's a reason I stopped at two. A good one. I do not need their four on top of my two.

I love my grandkids but I'm struggling with my two and my job. I don't need their kids too. Does this make me selfish?
\

Selfish...nope
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Old 12-29-2010, 04:10 PM
 
2,596 posts, read 4,656,760 times
Reputation: 3950
I mean, yes and no. I agree with you that she sounds like a pill, but if you want to have a relationship with your grandchildren, it seems like maybe you should meet her halfway. You are under no obligation to be a regular babysitter. Maybe for her, she'd prefer that you just spend time with the kids in their natural environment. I'm assuming that a house with 4 young kids and a pregnant mom isn't going to be perfectly clean and I wouldn't expect a special meal. Just go spend time with them in the afternoon for a few hours and enjoy them.

I just worry the "I'm not calling her, she has to call me" standoff will result in many wasted years and more distance between members of your family. You might be "in the right" so to speak, but maybe this isn't the hill to die on?
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Old 12-29-2010, 04:16 PM
 
2,179 posts, read 2,819,911 times
Reputation: 2570
Authentic help? Endless.

Abuse? None.
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Old 12-29-2010, 08:51 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 29,805,825 times
Reputation: 14503
Quote:
Originally Posted by FelixTheCat View Post
If your dear sex slave has 5 children, the yes, you should help take care of them
I have a dear step son but no sex slaves. Get your mind out of the gutter. If he had it his way, they'd only have 2. Unfortunately, she got her way so they have 5.
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Old 12-29-2010, 09:02 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 29,805,825 times
Reputation: 14503
Quote:
Originally Posted by h886 View Post
I mean, yes and no. I agree with you that she sounds like a pill, but if you want to have a relationship with your grandchildren, it seems like maybe you should meet her halfway. You are under no obligation to be a regular babysitter. Maybe for her, she'd prefer that you just spend time with the kids in their natural environment. I'm assuming that a house with 4 young kids and a pregnant mom isn't going to be perfectly clean and I wouldn't expect a special meal. Just go spend time with them in the afternoon for a few hours and enjoy them.

I just worry the "I'm not calling her, she has to call me" standoff will result in many wasted years and more distance between members of your family. You might be "in the right" so to speak, but maybe this isn't the hill to die on?
The problem is there is no halfway until she decides there's a halfway and I don't see that happening.

Obviously, you missed the part where I was told I'm not welcome in her home. So, yes, she'd have to call and invite me. She has stated that if I am to have a relationship with their children I will take them on a scheduled basis or see them when dss brings them over. Dss works on the road so he's not home much.

She's holding the kids hostage. I'm not sure what she thinks she's going to get out of the deal. The world will not stop revolving if we don't have a relationship with her kids. It's sad but it is her choice. I'm pretty sure that's what she wants. She likes attention. Now she's the poor daughter in law who gets no help from her in laws. Whatever. I'm not going to lose any sleep over it. It's her problem not mine. I don't like it but it's her decision.
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Old 12-29-2010, 09:06 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 29,805,825 times
Reputation: 14503
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Humble View Post
Authentic help? Endless.

Abuse? None.
I'm not even sure about authentic help given she chose to have 5 kids. If she'd had quints, I could see it but she had four and went back for more. I really feel like she made this bed herself. And I don't like being given ultimatims. Especially ones I would never have done on my own.

I'm thinking, help when I have time and not if I don't. I don't during the school year. They're out of state during the summer. I don't think I'm going to be seeing the grandkids much.

It is what it is.
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Old 12-29-2010, 09:13 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 29,805,825 times
Reputation: 14503
Quote:
Originally Posted by M3 Mitch View Post
You should make time to babysit their kids and show them the movie "Idiocracy".

Seriously. Does dss mean Dear Second Son?

Their kids are their problem. You don't owe them anything.
Sorry, it's dear step son. There should be an glossary of acronyms on boards.

I'm not sure what this is about but I've come to the conclusion it really has nothing to do with the kids. The kids are just what she controls. The kids and dss anyway. He has to live with her and he does what he has to to keep the peace. I get that. I just hope this doesn't end in a divorce.
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