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Old 01-09-2011, 10:08 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,847 posts, read 30,349,542 times
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Can you please offer a little advice how to make it a little easier? I suppose that everyone has to grieve in their own way, and in their own time, but if you have any suggestions that might help, I'd appreciate hearing them.

20yrsinBranson
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Old 01-09-2011, 10:18 PM
 
Location: So Cal
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I was always very close to my mom... It was always just me and her.

My dad wasn't around as much as he should have been. I spent most of my life being raised by my mom.

A few yrs ago she died of cancer...... it was fast and pretty painless for her. I'm thankful that she went quick. It was hard on me, but thats OK, as long as she didn't suffer much.


It will get better.... just hang in there. I don't have any words to make you feel better, cause anything I say wouldn't make much difference.

Time is all takes.
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Old 01-09-2011, 10:19 PM
 
Location: Great Plains
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Read CS Lewis' A Greif Observed.
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Old 01-09-2011, 11:20 PM
 
Location: Canada
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I haven't yet lost my mother but I dread the day. I have lost other people I could not ever imagine losing. The pain of those losses was so great that at times I would have given anything to have a pill that would wipe even the memory of them from my head, just so I would not have that grief. I imagine my mother's death when it comes, will be on that level.

To get through the days, I often had to mentally focus on getting through the next minute, and be grateful if there were minutes when I could breathe. I don't know that there is an easy way. What helped a little, temporarily, was people who didn't try and tell me to just be grateful for the years I had, who understood and didn't shrink away from my pain just because it was uncomfortable for them.

I'm sorry for your loss.
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Old 01-09-2011, 11:39 PM
 
Location: earth?
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You asked for specifically mother, but I will share some of what I noticed when my father died (feel free to ignore if it is really just mother you need to hear about) . . . I think the variables of grieving are so many . . . what your spiritual beliefs are, if the death was unexpected, where you are in your own personal journey, etc.

My dad was sick for a long time, so I saw him deteriorate and had time to prepare myself . . . and he was really, really old so I knew it was inevitable. I did everything I could possibly do for him while he was alive and spent a lot of time with him, so I had no regrets. Just before he died, I made a collage to help him on his journey (because he was having dreams with metaphoric images of death, but seemed to fear it) . . .

The grief did attack me physically - I was sick on and off for a couple of years, so I recommend you take extra good care of yourself. I had dreams of my father, I journaled, I cried on a daily basis - I just went into the grief - didn't try to "get over it." It was hard but I had and have such great memories and that is what I focused on - all that he had been and the role he played in my life.

I also talked about it a lot to anyone who was interested in hearing me (and probably some who weren't).

If I could do it over again, I would take much better care of myself, because as I said, I was sick and I believe it was because I was overwhelmed with grief and responsibilities (related to his death and also my own life). I would get all of the help you can possibly get and just relax as much as you can.

I had a lot of work to do around his death - file taxes, the memorial, take care of business in many ways - a lot of it was difficult, so again, I would recommend you get all of the help you can, even if you have to hire an assistant to help you for a short time.

I also believe strongly in bodywork (massage). I needed more of this than I took time for.

My condolences.
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Old 01-10-2011, 05:04 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
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You didn't say, but if you lost your mom I am very sorry, 20yrs. That has to be one of the most difficult losses to bear.
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Old 01-10-2011, 05:30 AM
 
1,177 posts, read 1,937,114 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
Can you please offer a little advice how to make it a little easier? I suppose that everyone has to grieve in their own way, and in their own time, but if you have any suggestions that might help, I'd appreciate hearing them.

20yrsinBranson
i stayed close to my other 5 siblings. there really ain't no easy way man. keep crying and talking to loved ones. very sorry for your loss. I'm editing this because as another poster stated it's not clear if you've lost your mom or not. And i was very, very close to my mom. i lost her Sept27th 2000 and i think about her every day. Truly the nicest person i've ever known.

Last edited by pkrplr1; 01-10-2011 at 06:07 AM..
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Old 01-10-2011, 06:10 AM
 
Location: Vegas, baby, Vegas!
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My mom died in June, and it was as if someone blew a gaping hole in my chest.
When my dad died. I was sad, and felt the loss, but he was a loud angry person who battled everyone, and so when he left this earth, I was impressed with how quiet and peaceful the house became.

Now, the house is empty and loaded with ghost like apparitions of my mom, sitting at the breakfast table having coffee with me, staring out the window and bitching to me that the weeds need pulling.

Even typing this my eyes are starting to tear.

I feel your loss, and I wish I could give you some solace, best I can offer is a E-HUG

{{{{{}}}}}}

Jonathan
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Old 01-10-2011, 06:33 AM
 
Location: Between Philadelphia and Allentown, PA
5,077 posts, read 13,061,564 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
Can you please offer a little advice how to make it a little easier? I suppose that everyone has to grieve in their own way, and in their own time, but if you have any suggestions that might help, I'd appreciate hearing them.

20yrsinBranson

My Mom died when I was 14, my father died when I was 9 so my Mother and I were very close. She was all I had and vice versa.
How do you make it easier? You don't. The loss of a Mother never really gets easier other than with time. There is no magic pill remedy that will help.

I'm now 40 and I still get a little emotional over mother - daughter stuff, movies, books, etc... even movies that show a mother passing like for example, Forrest Gump. That movie gets me every time. Part of that pain is the envy of someone else who has a close relationship with their Mom.

Eh, it does get easier. Best to enjoy the memories, keep them alive, remember the good times, etc...
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Old 01-10-2011, 06:42 AM
 
Location: Fuquay Varina
4,554 posts, read 6,642,062 times
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I don't think it gets easier. my mom died june 08. I still catch myself thinking about grabbing the phone and calling her! I don't sit around and cry or anything but I will always miss my mom.
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