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Old 07-25-2007, 12:00 PM
 
Location: VA
786 posts, read 4,322,942 times
Reputation: 1122

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It seems like I run into alot of people who want to be my friend but I have no interest in. I can tell you exactly what I do not like about them and wish society would allow me to be completely honest with people. I always wimp out and do the passive aggressive thing and tell them I am busy or do not return their phone calls. When they do get a hold of me or force contact I am caught flat footed and do not handle the situation very well.

If the people are mean or just plain unlikeable, it is easy. But if they are just boring or hard to talk to because we have nothing in common, it is alot harder.

How many of you are completely honest and tell people you do not care for (or have nothing in common with/no chemistry, ) exactly why you do not want to be friends?

Last edited by Dingler; 07-25-2007 at 12:58 PM..
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Old 07-25-2007, 12:33 PM
 
261 posts, read 984,266 times
Reputation: 182
I have a friend who has been in my life for several years. However, recently, I've been wanting to end our friendship. It seems like I've grown, but every time I talk to her, she's still talking about the same old stuff. Quite frankly, I could do without her friendship. I don't answer her calls, but she's like a stalker and just keeps calling and calling. I don't have the heart to tell her to take a hike, so I guess I'll just keep ignoring her until she gets the hint. I know that's wrong, but I hate hurting someone's feelings so directly. Plus, I have the feeling that if I told her I don't want to be friends she'd probably flip out and call me all kinds of *itches!
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Old 07-25-2007, 12:38 PM
MB2
 
Location: Sebastian/ FL
3,496 posts, read 8,702,020 times
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Yes, I do tell them. Because if I don't like them, I don't CARE about them, what they do, feel, what they have to say.....
And, if someone just "hangs" and pushes me, continues, I just get so annoyed that it will just burst out of me to "leave me the hell alone".
So, it's kind of easy.......
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Old 07-25-2007, 01:12 PM
 
Location: Not tied down... maybe later! *rawr*
2,689 posts, read 6,216,758 times
Reputation: 4321
I kinda have the opposite problem. I'm real quiet in public and that tends to make people think I'm stuck up so I don't get many friends. But the friends I do have... I love 'em!! Quality over quantity!

I think you should start telling people (or at least acting) that you don't like 'em/ wanna be their friend. You have to do what's best for you, not what others think is best for you!
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Old 07-27-2007, 12:54 AM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,564 posts, read 36,588,859 times
Reputation: 13184
Wait, I'm confused. Wasn't it Dingler who was complaining a while back about not having any friends or it was hard for him to make friends? Now he wants to push people away who actually want to be friends with him???

But to answer the question, if I don't want to be friends with someone I typically just avoid them. If they are pushy and rude (which they usually aren't) I would probably try to nicely explain why I don't want to pal around.
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Old 07-27-2007, 01:28 AM
 
4,270 posts, read 13,979,724 times
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I think I'm too nice to tell somebody why I don't like them. Then again, DH and I haven't lived in a place long enough to make lots of friends so friendships are usually a warm welcome for us!

I think ppl can usu tell if they don't "click" with others. A co-worker invited us to their house just after DH and I moved to the new city and even though they were nice ppl, as were we, we haven't hung out since. The four of us just didn't click. We've had "success stories" of course but friendship can never be forced. If you are having probs, just try to be polite and make "excuses" if continually asked to hang out. I was brought up with the motto, "If you can't say anything nice to someone then don't say anything at all" although I do not have a prob with people who believe in "telling it like it is" either.
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Old 07-27-2007, 06:43 AM
 
Location: VA
786 posts, read 4,322,942 times
Reputation: 1122
Wait, I'm confused. Wasn't it Dingler who was complaining a while back about not having any friends or it was hard for him to make friends? Now he wants to push people away who actually want to be friends with him???
==================================
Your right, I do have a hard time making good friends but I do have a few. In the process of trying to make new friends, I come in contact with people I do not share any chemistry with-- who want to be my friend but I do not share anything in common with them. I struggle telling them I do not want anything to do with them.
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Old 07-27-2007, 07:58 AM
 
7,813 posts, read 10,713,131 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by talk2u View Post
I have a friend who has been in my life for several years. However, recently, I've been wanting to end our friendship. It seems like I've grown, but every time I talk to her, she's still talking about the same old stuff. Quite frankly, I could do without her friendship. I don't answer her calls, but she's like a stalker and just keeps calling and calling. I don't have the heart to tell her to take a hike, so I guess I'll just keep ignoring her until she gets the hint. I know that's wrong, but I hate hurting someone's feelings so directly.
I honestly think you and I have the same friend, talk2u!

I chose to not be direct. I chose to continue to take her calls, but on a limited basis. I chose, intentionally, not to hurt her. I spent ALOT of time thinking about how I could continue to remain friends, and decided that I needed to "redefine" the friendship in my mind, taking into account both her limitations as well as my own as regards the "friendship."

--But at the end of the day, I just could not hurt her as much as I knew it would if I broke off the friendship. So I re-defined the boundaries and the parameters. It has helped to preserve the "friendship;" it is not ideal, but it is the best I can do...
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Old 07-27-2007, 08:06 AM
 
Location: California
11,436 posts, read 17,166,596 times
Reputation: 12500
I don't really have that problem, I like almost anybody, if theres someone who I don't care to hang out with I just don't, but I'm still friendly with them.
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Old 07-27-2007, 08:24 AM
 
141 posts, read 547,735 times
Reputation: 128
I believe people come in and out of your life for a reason. It might be for companionship or it might be to learn something. If there's no reason to continue the friendship, then be honest with them and with yourself. Life is too short to waste. Look how much energy you've already invested in contemplating what to do...not to mention the time spent trying to avoid or make excuses not to see them. Just my opinion.
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