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Old 07-26-2007, 08:53 AM
 
4,270 posts, read 13,947,692 times
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Roaddog and Shuke - Yeah, I guess you two are right. I guess I'm just not used to all this "interaction" with neighbors. Growing up, we've lived in bad neighborhoods before so my parents made us keep to ourselves whereas hubby grew up country and all that southern hospitality stuff. I think if the $5 is paid back every time, which he has paid back, I guess it wouldn't hurt to have a "Juan fund".

L_A_Woman - I've always been a believer of friends and money don't make a good match. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind paying for meals or "spotting" a buddy here and there but that's about as far as I'd go. If things got really bad fine, I'd take it into consideration but in that case, I wouldn't expect the money back. You were in a tough situation and you thought you were doing the right thing. There's 'nothing wrong with that. Lesson learned though, huh? We gotta roll with the punches!
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Old 07-26-2007, 09:55 AM
 
Location: Under the SUNNY WARM SUN ....
14,939 posts, read 10,208,942 times
Reputation: 17532
Off topic: Is a woman's purse/pocketbook off limits to husband/boyfriend?
I feel my pocketbook/wallet/money is my own personal things and are not to be touched by anyone. Is this just me? I never touch a man's wallet.
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Old 07-26-2007, 10:07 AM
 
Location: Phoenix...until next week, then Maryland...tick tock tick tock
169 posts, read 558,547 times
Reputation: 102
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2goldens View Post
Off topic: Is a woman's purse/pocketbook off limits to husband/boyfriend?
I feel my pocketbook/wallet/money is my own personal things and are not to be touched by anyone. Is this just me? I never touch a man's wallet.


Ya know, that was my issue with this post...the $5 isn't that big a deal to me (since we've already cleared up that he pays it back & does do odds & ends) I'm cheap, too tho...what is it about guys being so generous with money? My BF is like that too...what bothered me the most is that DH went to her purse & gave "Juan" the $5. If it's in my purse, I expect that cash to either be there or someone to ask me before they just take it. I don't want to go drive thru somewhere expecting to be able to pay for my lunch suddenly to discover I can't.

Personally, I don't see my purse as something my BF needs to be taking stuff from. I have nothing to hide in there, but I don't rifle his wallet or take cash out of it. If I need anything, I'll ask him for it & let him give it to me.

I'm with 2goldens on this question...anyone else have a problem with that?

Nothing personal foma, everyone's relationship is different so this may be totally the norm for you guys...I was just curious what the feelings on this are.
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Old 07-26-2007, 12:42 PM
 
Location: Jax
8,204 posts, read 32,160,564 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by foma View Post

Sorry y'all - good ol' Juan is just a helpless old man. I am almost positive there is nothing more sinister going on than just needing a few bucks to get by. The two incidences happened in the span of like 5 months, not twice in one day. I also apologize for the psuedo-name. He is not an illegal. At leaset I don't think he is.

He's actually pretty nice: brings our garbage can from the curb, pulls weeds in our front yard (we've got rocks not lawn), waters a few bushes here and there. I don't ask him to do this. He just does it himself (he's retired I think) so if he's expecting *something* in return (like borrowing $5) what am I supposed to do? He's being a "good neighbor" and I'm being a selfish miser! I just hope he doesn't think that by doing that stuff he thinks he can get away with borrowing money. No one asked him to do those things to my front yard and I'm too cheap to be swayed.
Okay, that IS different .

We had a neighbor once who was on a fixed income (not an old guy, just a "special" one ). He asked if he could mow our lawn for some money and we said sure. We didn't have much money ourselves at the time, but we felt this was a fair exchange.

Well, even with his "specialness", he is quite street-smart and also a very large man physically - my husband is 6'2" and this guy dwarfs my husband. Most of the neighbors would have nothing to do with him, they were intmidated.

The situation quickly escalated to him mowing the lawn without our request and basically demanding money for it. We paid him the first time he did this and made it clear we would not pay him if he took it upon himself to do this again. Well, he did it again (the grass did not even have a chance to grow!) and he did not get paid.

Now that he was comfortable with us and being on our property, he was coming over all the time inventing ways he could make money off of us. He would lie and say things like 'you neighbor next door said you have to cut that tree limb back, so I'm going to do it for you, what are you going to pay me?', and I would have to say 'no, you're not cutting anything, I'll call you if I need you for something'.

It got uncomfortable and soon it wasn't worth it to have him cut the lawn, so we ended up breaking that tie with him. It still took a long time to shake him.

Pulling your garbage cans up to the garage? Fine, that's a nice thing to do and my neighbors and myself do that for each other if the cans get into the road - we do it gratis.

Touching the lawn (pulling weeds, watering plants etc.) without being asked? That's crossing a boundary to me - not cool.

I'd want to know if he's borrowing from other neighbors as well and what's his situation....can he no longer afford his bills? If so, maybe there's a better way to help him.

Otherwise, if you can afford a set amount each month, approach him with an offer. Ask him if he'd like to help you out with some things as you see he likes to garden and come up with a plan together, but lay it out on the table, otherwise assumptions can backfire.

Best of luck !
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Old 07-26-2007, 02:09 PM
 
4,270 posts, read 13,947,692 times
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Riveree - Your story is my fear! Luckily, he hasn't asked for money for services "rendered" so whatever. I didn't ask him to pull my weeds and I didn't ask him to bring my garbage can from the curbside. If it escalates, I'll talk to DH about it but so far nothing as dramatic as your story!! I wouldn't know what to do in your situation. I'm glad at least you guys were able to "resolve" the issue.

As far as DH going into my purse goes, that TOTALLY annoyed me. We're in a weird situation right now: I'm going back to school (sans a job temporarily) and he's the breadwinner. I'm controlling finances so I told him we should both get "allowances" for the month and he agreed. Technically, the moola in my wallet is "his" (since he's the one that earned it) but it was still MY alllowance! We did get into a tiff but what are you going to do when your DH is giving you puppy dog eyes and asking you to "have a heart"? Men!
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Old 07-26-2007, 02:11 PM
 
4,270 posts, read 13,947,692 times
Reputation: 3350
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2goldens View Post
Off topic: Is a woman's purse/pocketbook off limits to husband/boyfriend?
I feel my pocketbook/wallet/money is my own personal things and are not to be touched by anyone. Is this just me? I never touch a man's wallet.
Actually, this sounds like a great post. You should start a new thread!
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Old 07-26-2007, 04:24 PM
 
Location: Jax
8,204 posts, read 32,160,564 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by foma View Post

As far as DH going into my purse goes, that TOTALLY annoyed me. We're in a weird situation right now: I'm going back to school (sans a job temporarily) and he's the breadwinner. I'm controlling finances so I told him we should both get "allowances" for the month and he agreed. Technically, the moola in my wallet is "his" (since he's the one that earned it) but it was still MY alllowance! We did get into a tiff but what are you going to do when your DH is giving you puppy dog eyes and asking you to "have a heart"? Men!
Funny, my situation is pretty similar .

I don't care if hubby "borrows" money from my wallet, but I want to be told about it. I don't want to place an order for something, reach for my wallet, and find nothing in there ! It happened a few times, so now whenever he needs to dip into my wallet, he either asks first or tells me "I just took $20 from your wallet"......it works fine .
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Old 07-26-2007, 05:02 PM
 
Location: California
11,433 posts, read 17,108,728 times
Reputation: 12496
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2goldens View Post
Off topic: Is a woman's purse/pocketbook off limits to husband/boyfriend?
I feel my pocketbook/wallet/money is my own personal things and are not to be touched by anyone. Is this just me? I never touch a man's wallet.
Yes it is, I don't touch her purse and she stays out of my wallet, this would be a good thread, I have a story.
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Old 07-26-2007, 05:13 PM
 
Location: Under the SUNNY WARM SUN ....
14,939 posts, read 10,208,942 times
Reputation: 17532
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roaddog View Post
Yes it is, I don't touch her purse and she stays out of my wallet, this would be a good thread, I have a story.

Roaddog, Go for it!
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Old 10-20-2010, 08:00 AM
 
1 posts, read 959 times
Reputation: 10
It's better to not let anyone get into the habit of borrowing money. I get paid once a month and I used to almost dread payday because my neighbor would come wanting to borrow $20, as well as asking me to buy cigarettes for her and her husband. The worst part of this is they get more than twice as much as I do every month but blow it on games, electronics and junk, then spend the rest of the month borrowing from various people, things like money, sugar, dog food,toilet paper,dish soap, laundry powder, a pack of meat, etc. Last I heard they were about to have their lights turned off because it was $800 because they hadn't paid the previous months. I was soft before and my neighbor took advantage of that. I finally had to put my foot down because my family was starting to go without. It's better not to let them fall in the habit in the first place.
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