Does anyone have a family member like this? (boyfriend, father, children) - Issues with friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances - City-Data Forum

jenna85 · 03-15-2011, 04:28 PM

I have an older sister who is 34 and she has a 7 year old son with an ex boyfriend. My sister attended college and has a degree in sociology and criminology. She first got together with her ex while she was still in college. After she graduated she didn't pursue a career in her field and continued to work at hotel. About 4 years ago she started working as a clerk as a major hospital. She doesn't really make that much. She broke up with the father of her child two years ago and she still is taking him to court for child support. In the past two years my parents have had to help her out with money several times. My parents almost considered giving her money to help her buy a house. But something came up and they didn't give her the money. My father is already retired and my mom is considering retiring sometime within the next 6 months.

I know that my parents are probably going to have help my sister support her child and I worry for my parents' financial well-being as well. I'm sort of bugged with my sister because she never at least tried to pursue a career in the field she went to college for. Am I right to be irked by her?

Cunucu Beach · 03-15-2011, 04:50 PM

I would be irked, too, but then I have a big problem with people taking advantage of their parents when they are able bodied and well capable of working to support themselves. You sister is spoiled and lazy. Have you tried talking to her about trying to get back into the field for which she was trained? I know it's been many years since she graduated but there may be something available.

nitram · 03-15-2011, 05:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cunucu Beach

I would be irked, too, but then I have a big problem with people taking advantage of their parents when they are able bodied and well capable of working to support themselves. You sister is spoiled and lazy. Have you tried talking to her about trying to get back into the field for which she was trained? I know it's been many years since she graduated but there may be something available.

Ditto ^^^

Shouldn't this be in the relationship threads?

jenna85 · 03-15-2011, 06:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cunucu Beach

I would be irked, too, but then I have a big problem with people taking advantage of their parents when they are able bodied and well capable of working to support themselves. You sister is spoiled and lazy. Have you tried talking to her about trying to get back into the field for which she was trained? I know it's been many years since she graduated but there may be something available.

I have mentioned things to her and recently my cousin mentioned a social worker job about an hour away from where she lives. But she brushed it off. I wouldn't label my sister lazy but I think do feel it was a waste for her to get a college degree and not even attempt to use it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by nitram

Ditto ^^^

Shouldn't this be in the relationship threads?

I wasn't sure of where to post this. This situation has been on my nerves lately and I worry a lot about my parents' finances and I'm hoping that I can eventually get a pay raise or maybe a better paying job to help them out financially here and there, because I know they are going to have my sister out for years to come.

Ilene Wright · 03-15-2011, 06:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cunucu Beach

I would be irked, too, but then I have a big problem with people taking advantage of their parents when they are able bodied and well capable of working to support themselves. You sister is spoiled and lazy. Have you tried talking to her about trying to get back into the field for which she was trained? I know it's been many years since she graduated but there may be something available.

I could not agree more, you definitely have a right to be irked. I have some free-loading relatives and I'm here to tell you I just let one of them know in no uncertain terms exactly what I thought about them and their free-loading ways. The biggest problem I have is they take advantage of my own Mother, and I'm not having it anymore.

Have a talk with your sister because she needs a good talking to. So what if it cause a rift between you? She'll either get over it or she won't but trust me, YOU will feel better. People shouldn't be allowed to get away with this simply because they have children to use as a pawn. Go get her!!

paladinking · 03-15-2011, 07:10 PM

you should know single mother , life is very difficult , I sympathize with your sister...

jenna85 · 03-15-2011, 09:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by paladinking

you should know single mother , life is very difficult , I sympathize with your sister...

I do have some sympathy for my sister.

sun queen · 03-15-2011, 10:00 PM

I say u have to live and let live. It is easy to look at someone's life and say what they should or shouldn't do, but the bottom line is your own life. Spend your energy figuring out the things u should and shouldn't do and u will be the better for it. Critiquing the lives of family stunts your own individual growth... Why frustrate yourself over things beyond your control? U cannot micromanage another's life. I wish I knew this 10 years ago. I think I would be further along and more content with my own life today. LL I wish I had this philosophy 4 years ago. My mom had tried to teach me this... too bad I didn't learn the lesson till after she was gone. The OPs parents and sister will do what they feel is right for them. Respect their right to do it, take a deep breath and unburden ur self. And live the best life u can live

Good luck

PJSinger · 03-15-2011, 10:02 PM

Sometimes, there's a fine line between "helping" and "enabling." In the long run, your parents may be doing your sister a disservice by repeatedly bailing her out and not holding her accountable for her own actions. I am not a parent, though, so I cannot even begin to understand what it feels like to know your child is in trouble, whether it's self-inflicted or not. I do feel that your parents need to demand some responsibility from your sister and to insist that she do more to earn her own way in life. And I can't blame you for being "irked" by your sister's actions (and inactions), and worried about your parents' financial well-being.

meh_whatever · 03-15-2011, 10:29 PM

Well, if your parents want to help her, let them.

If she starts mooching off you, then it's time for you to get irked.

Unless you're worried she's gonna break your parents so you have to support them through their retirement, or eat through any inheritance you might get, I'd just let it go to keep the peace.

Good luck with that... maybe your sister just lacks confidence in her ability to be competitive in a career AND raise kids alone?