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Old 03-19-2011, 05:36 AM
 
433 posts, read 1,128,486 times
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So here's the deal. My course at school came to an end and I didn't really get to make much friendships while I was there due to my trouble socializing and shyness. Near the end though, I did start to improve abit and some people did notice. Since we no longer see each other anymore (I might see them one more time for a reunion at school after we're done our internship), do you think we could become closer on Facebook? Like chatting and making plans to hang out?

Do you think this would only work with some people who did see me improving socially? Do you think the other guys would be like....'we barely spoke at school, he was so shy and quiet...and now he's like this on Facebook..' Do you think maybe people will be surprised by me adding them?

What do you guys think? I thought things would get better socially in my life when I started this course. Nobody knew me and I thought all I would have to is just relax and be myself, talk to people occasionally but still stay in my comfort shell, I even let people start calling me by my nickname while I was there.

I don't know when's the next time I'll be in a school setting, but I find it rather sad and a little embarrassing that now I'm going to be back at square one with nobody. Imean I'm 19 years old, and hopefully this Facebook strategy I have now could get me out there more and maybe have something planned for my 20th birthday later this year and have something planned then.

What do you guys think?
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Old 03-19-2011, 06:21 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,225 posts, read 22,606,209 times
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I think if you feel more comfortable by using FB, IM, etc. to get to know them better, before you all go out and mingle socially, thats fine.
Its when you just want to communicate by FB, chat, etc. and not eventually face to face, socially..that I would find odd.
Good luck!
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Old 03-19-2011, 08:29 AM
 
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Sounds to me like you need more practice, and in real life. I really do sympathize that it's hard to socialize when you're shy. What comes naturally to some can be so difficult to do.

However, I still think you need to do it. If you went an entire semester with these people and still couldn't really socialize with them face to face (I know you said you improved a little, but in general), then there's likely still an issue there. Even if you socialize with them on Facebook, if you can't do so in real life, what's the point? They'll probably get a little weirded out if you're so friendly on Facebook and then withdrawn and completely different in real life.

I don't say this to discourage you, but merely to suggest that instead of focusing your attention on these people you aren't going to see any more, get out and meet people in real life. This class may be over, but you're only 19. There are other opportunities. Join a club or group where you can meet people who share your interests. Volunteer.
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Old 03-19-2011, 08:44 AM
 
Location: in the Southeast
334 posts, read 461,015 times
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I think befriending them on FB is an excellent idea, and I don't think they'll think twice about accepting your friend request and chatting with you from time to time. If friendships develop, that's great.
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Old 03-23-2011, 01:57 PM
 
Location: NY
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Give it a try! Why not?

For the shyness, ask yourself why you feel so shy socially? I was always shy socially myself and found for me, it was a strong fear of rejection. I was so afraid that I would meet people that would ultimately not like me, that I did not want to meet people or get to know them. It was just my own insecurity, and once I realized that, got out, met some people, and found that people would like it, it got a lot easier.

So really, you probably just need to get out of your comfort zone, get out, and meet some people. Do it at venues you enjoy, a coffee shop, book store, church happening, sporting event, or wherever. Just go, and talk to people. Just small talk, current event, or anything.

As for FB/online, absolutely give it a shot.

I met my gf online. I decided to give online a try due to some of my own shyness and anxiety. I thought it would be an easier way to break the ice. For me it worked very good. We spent some time to get to know a lot about each other before meeting, so the first date really felt like we had known each other a long time already. We are now planning on an engagement and marriage. She is my best friend, my lover, and my better half! We would have never met if the ability to do so online did not exist, and neither of us used it. So whether it was serendipity, or providential, it has worked out great!

Good luck!
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Old 03-25-2011, 01:56 PM
 
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Online is a great way to start a relationship/friendship. The interactions are controlled and you can take the time figure out what/how to say things to get the effect you want. Understand that you are laying the groundwork, but for any acquaintance to grow into friendship or relationship, it needs to be built on more than IM's and emails.
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Old 03-25-2011, 05:27 PM
 
Location: PORT ANGELES, WA
806 posts, read 2,028,895 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JustBeingMe404 View Post
I think befriending them on FB is an excellent idea, and I don't think they'll think twice about accepting your friend request and chatting with you from time to time. If friendships develop, that's great.

Great idea!
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Old 03-26-2011, 07:08 PM
 
6,046 posts, read 10,051,808 times
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Just warning you, some of them might think you're not a true friend
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Old 03-26-2011, 07:21 PM
 
25,953 posts, read 26,771,360 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mtlquebec102 View Post
I don't know when's the next time I'll be in a school setting, but I find it rather sad and a little embarrassing that now I'm going to be back at square one with nobody. Imean I'm 19 years old, and hopefully this Facebook strategy I have now could get me out there more and maybe have something planned for my 20th birthday later this year and have something planned then.

What do you guys think?
There is the danger with your personality and the nature of computer communication the opposite could happen whereby you NEVER leave your house and you consider your computer face book friends as regular friendships and have no other ones outside of this realm.
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Old 03-27-2011, 04:59 PM
 
433 posts, read 1,128,486 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by city_data91 View Post
Just warning you, some of them might think you're not a true friend
As in because we'll mostly be interacting online?
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