I hate my father. (wife, person, member, relatives)
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I know hate is a strong word to use when describing how you feel about people, but I hate my father. I hate him for many reasons. Even the site of his face makes me feel angry all over. Sometimes I want to yell and curse at him at the top of my lungs. I try to keep my cool, but he just makes me so angry. The first reason I think I hate my father is because when I was growing up, he was hardly around. You see, when he met my mother they were coworkers. They began seeing each other outside of work and eventually had me. The only thing that was wrong with that is my father was married to a woman that was not my mother. This means that he cheated on his wife with my mother and had me. To me, that is just something that is inexcusable. I am glad that I can be here on earth, but think that the way that I was conceived was wrong. This is why he was hardly around when I was growing up, because he had a wife to go home to at night instead of a son and mother. He came around every so often and played games with me, bought gifts and so on, but for some reason we never went anywhere together in public, something I did not realize until many years later. I loved him at the time, and received much joy from his visits. When I was about 11 or 12, he moved in with me and my mother permanently. I was thrilled. You see, this whole time I had not known that he had a wife whom he was now divorcing. I always thought that he lived in an apartment with a roomate or something because that is what my mother always told me when I asked her. Another thing I did not know was that he was even my father. I was always told that my father was one of my mother's previous boyfreinds, but that was a lie too. My mother and father had to make up that story because my dad was a married man and no one could know about me. It was as if I was a secret child that no one could know about. As a matter of fact, I guess I was a secret child no one could know about. Anyways, after about a year after my father had moved in with me and my mother, he told me a secret. He told me that he was my actual father all this time. I did not believe this story at first, but once I did, I began to question my life as a whole. I thought that I had been lied to the whole time. I wanted to know if everything about me was a lie. The day he told me he was my father was my first day of sixth grade I think, which meant that I had to spend that whole first day thinking about my entire life, wondering if it was all a lie. Moving on, a few months later my mother told me that my father used to be married, which I took quite well, because it was just like putting another piece in conjunction with the rest of an endless puzzle. At this time, my father was in the process of divorcing his ex-wife, which was something that I did not fully understand at the time. A few years later after my father's divorce, my mom and dad bought a home. I never really liked that house that much and still don't till this day. I think the reason why I never liked it that much was that i had to go through so much hell there. My mother would fuss at my father a lot because he lied quite a bit and pretty soon she did not trust him at all. After a year or two of living in that house, the biggest lie of them all came into reality. You see, one of my father's ex-girlfreinds would call our house day and show up at our house randomly just to try to pick a nerve with my parents. She would never leave us alone no matter how many times we would call the police. She would follow my mom to work, make threats, and she even called my parents jobs while they were at work. She would call my dad's job so much that he almost got fired, something that my mom and I would not find out until nine months later. You see, since my father was about to get fired from his job, he desperately went to his ex-girlfreind and asked what he could do to make her stop calling and harrasing him at work. Apparently that thing was to sleep with her. That was what she wanted all along. She actually wanted him all along, but the only way that she would stop calling him on the job would be if he slept with her, which he did. She stopped harassing him at work, but did not stop harrasing us at home. She began to make up stories that she was pregnant, which she had done many times before, so we just ignored it since her motive was to make my mother leave my father. Soon enough, we found out that her lies were reality. I remember the day when my father had to go to court. He had to go to court that day because he had to find out how much he would pay each week for child support. This was the most devastating thing that ever happened in my life. My father had cheated on my mother with his ex-girlfreind to keep his job. I would have just lost my job rather than cheat on someone I love. My father would always lie to my mother about things, such as where he was going when he left the house, or why he would always take his phone calls privately in another room, or why we never went anywhere as a family, but this was something that basically tore our familiy apart. The trust in our household was gone, the love was gone, and there was nothing but emptiness. We still loved each other but not as much as we used to. This was how my house was for the rest of the years I lived there.
When I was eighteen getting ready to go to college my mother was very supportive of my decisions. My father was not. You see, I wanted to go to dental school to become a dentist, but my father mocked me and told me that dental school was too expensive and tried to steer me to another career. My mother told me that if being a dentist was my dream, I should pursue it, which I did. To this day, my father still does not encourage my career as a dentist and still mocks me for my career choices. He has this belief that dentist and doctors get sued so much that they spend more time in court than they do in hospitals and dental offices, which is just plain idiotic. I guess the whole point of this post it to ask the question; is it wrong to dislike my father for all the things he has put me through, or should I still find a way to love him despite of all the things I have gone through? I know the answer to this question may seem obvious to some of you, but I just can't figure this out. It is something I have struggled with for years, and I must figure out what I should do. I would like to love my father, but I just can't bring myself to do so.
I know hate is a strong word to use when describing how you feel about people, but I hate my father. I hate him for many reasons. Even the site of his face makes me feel angry all over. Sometimes I want to yell and curse at him at the top of my lungs. I try to keep my cool, but he just makes me so angry. The first reason I think I hate my father is because when I was growing up, he was hardly around. You see, when he met my mother they were coworkers. They began seeing each other outside of work and eventually had me. The only thing that was wrong with that is my father was married to a woman that was not my mother. This means that he cheated on his wife with my mother and had me. To me, that is just something that is inexcusable. I am glad that I can be here on earth, but think that the way that I was conceived was wrong. This is why he was hardly around when I was growing up, because he had a wife to go home to at night instead of a son and mother. He came around every so often and played games with me, bought gifts and so on, but for some reason we never went anywhere together in public, something I did not realize until many years later. I loved him at the time, and received much joy from his visits. When I was about 11 or 12, he moved in with me and my mother permanently. I was thrilled. You see, this whole time I had not known that he had a wife whom he was now divorcing. I always thought that he lived in an apartment with a roomate or something because that is what my mother always told me when I asked her. Another thing I did not know was that he was even my father. I was always told that my father was one of my mother's previous boyfreinds, but that was a lie too. My mother and father had to make up that story because my dad was a married man and no one could know about me. It was as if I was a secret child that no one could know about. As a matter of fact, I guess I was a secret child no one could know about. Anyways, after about a year after my father had moved in with me and my mother, he told me a secret. He told me that he was my actual father all this time. I did not believe this story at first, but once I did, I began to question my life as a whole. I thought that I had been lied to the whole time. I wanted to know if everything about me was a lie. The day he told me he was my father was my first day of sixth grade I think, which meant that I had to spend that whole first day thinking about my entire life, wondering if it was all a lie. Moving on, a few months later my mother told me that my father used to be married, which I took quite well, because it was just like putting another piece in conjunction with the rest of an endless puzzle. At this time, my father was in the process of divorcing his ex-wife, which was something that I did not fully understand at the time. A few years later after my father's divorce, my mom and dad bought a home. I never really liked that house that much and still don't till this day. I think the reason why I never liked it that much was that i had to go through so much hell there. My mother would fuss at my father a lot because he lied quite a bit and pretty soon she did not trust him at all. After a year or two of living in that house, the biggest lie of them all came into reality. You see, one of my father's ex-girlfreinds would call our house day and show up at our house randomly just to try to pick a nerve with my parents. She would never leave us alone no matter how many times we would call the police. She would follow my mom to work, make threats, and she even called my parents jobs while they were at work. She would call my dad's job so much that he almost got fired, something that my mom and I would not find out until nine months later. You see, since my father was about to get fired from his job, he desperately went to his ex-girlfreind and asked what he could do to make her stop calling and harrasing him at work. Apparently that thing was to sleep with her. That was what she wanted all along. She actually wanted him all along, but the only way that she would stop calling him on the job would be if he slept with her, which he did. She stopped harassing him at work, but did not stop harrasing us at home. She began to make up stories that she was pregnant, which she had done many times before, so we just ignored it since her motive was to make my mother leave my father. Soon enough, we found out that her lies were reality. I remember the day when my father had to go to court. He had to go to court that day because he had to find out how much he would pay each week for child support. This was the most devastating thing that ever happened in my life. My father had cheated on my mother with his ex-girlfreind to keep his job. I would have just lost my job rather than cheat on someone I love. My father would always lie to my mother about things, such as where he was going when he left the house, or why he would always take his phone calls privately in another room, or why we never went anywhere as a family, but this was something that basically tore our familiy apart. The trust in our household was gone, the love was gone, and there was nothing but emptiness. We still loved each other but not as much as we used to. This was how my house was for the rest of the years I lived there.
When I was eighteen getting ready to go to college my mother was very supportive of my decisions. My father was not. You see, I wanted to go to dental school to become a dentist, but my father mocked me and told me that dental school was too expensive and tried to steer me to another career. My mother told me that if being a dentist was my dream, I should pursue it, which I did. To this day, my father still does not encourage my career as a dentist and still mocks me for my career choices. He has this belief that dentist and doctors get sued so much that they spend more time in court than they do in hospitals and dental offices, which is just plain idiotic. I guess the whole point of this post it to ask the question; is it wrong to dislike my father for all the things he has put me through, or should I still find a way to love him despite of all the things I have gone through? I know the answer to this question may seem obvious to some of you, but I just can't figure this out. It is something I have struggled with for years, and I must figure out what I should do. I would like to love my father, but I just can't bring myself to do so.
Please do yourself the biggest kindness you can and get some professional therapy - you need the help of a trained therapist, not the opinions of people on a message board. Though I do understand just writing and venting all that was probably helpful, do more than just vent, okay? You are not very likely to "figure this out" on your own - get some help! Best of luck to you.
He or she doesn't need a therapist. The father is the "toxic" and "destructive" one. A therapist is going to suggest that she write out her feelings and thoughts and talk openly to others about it......therapists are way overrated. She could do all that for free.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
Please do yourself the biggest kindness you can and get some professional therapy - you need the help of a trained therapist, not the opinions of people on a message board. Though I do understand just writing and venting all that was probably helpful do more than just vent, okay? Best of luck to you.
While I can understand the frustration and anger you have toward your father, he is not entirely to blame. If I read your post correctly, your mother was an active participant in your father's deception as well ...
Does it matter who is to blame? It is fixing the aftermath that matters here.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GeminiGal
While I can understand the frustration and anger you have toward your father, he is not entirely to blame. If I read your post correctly, your mother was an active participant in your father's deception as well ...
Sounds to me like that resentment is renting quite a bit of space in your head. And what good is coming from it? You know you need to find a way to reconcile yourself with this, don't you? Maybe not forgive... or maybe yes forgive.... but definitely find a way to accept. And you may need professional help to deal with this, too. But it's obvious to me that the resentment is eating you up... Harboring a resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. Can you identify?
Sounds to me like that resentment is renting quite a bit of space in your head. And what good is coming from it? You know you need to find a way to reconcile yourself with this, don't you? Maybe not forgive... or maybe yes forgive.... but definitely find a way to accept. And you may need professional help to deal with this, too. But it's obvious to me that the resentment is eating you up... Harboring a resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. Can you identify?
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