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Old 06-09-2011, 08:27 PM
 
30 posts, read 66,020 times
Reputation: 16

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So we've wanted to move south for a LONG time and it seems to be a good time for us to do just that...with the exception of selling our house in this terrible market. The thing is no one in our immediate family moves away from each other. We have literally lived with in a few blocks of my parents, grandparents and brother. My in-laws are with in 20 min of us and the aunts/uncles and cousins are within an hour and see each other at least every other month. BUT my husband and I hate winter, our schools and just really want to relocate. Our kids want to move and we can transfer within our companies for work. I keep feeling guilty like we shouldn't want to move...is this selfish?
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Old 06-09-2011, 08:48 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,484 posts, read 43,769,854 times
Reputation: 47257
NO of course it isn't selfish. Surely your family knows you have control over your own destiny and have to make decisions based on your particular circumstances. They will probably balk at first if moving away is not something routinely done in your family. You must somehow frame it as positively as you can without making it seem like you want to get away from them. Couldn't you simply tell them the truth, you dislike winters there and feel while you can, you want to live somewhere else in the country.
Can you say you've been transferred?

Have you visited the area at all? Don't do it in summer as some say the heat here is as bad if not worse than the cold in other regions. Just be warned. I've known several people who moved here, the folks came to visit and liked it so much they decided to move too and on and on it goes.

Good luck.
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Old 06-09-2011, 11:00 PM
 
Location: In my view finder.....
8,521 posts, read 13,988,384 times
Reputation: 8079
Quote:
Originally Posted by beck6 View Post
So we've wanted to move south for a LONG time and it seems to be a good time for us to do just that...with the exception of selling our house in this terrible market. The thing is no one in our immediate family moves away from each other. We have literally lived with in a few blocks of my parents, grandparents and brother. My in-laws are with in 20 min of us and the aunts/uncles and cousins are within an hour and see each other at least every other month. BUT my husband and I hate winter, our schools and just really want to relocate. Our kids want to move and we can transfer within our companies for work. I keep feeling guilty like we shouldn't want to move...is this selfish?
Selfish?

You're an adult, your life is yours. If you want to move, go forward and move.

If your family does not like it, they'll have to deal with it. You have to do what makes you,husband and children happy. Not to mention seeing something new would be great for your children and starting in a new place is always fun and exciting.
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Old 06-09-2011, 11:48 PM
 
Location: Nantahala National Forest, NC
27,093 posts, read 5,897,864 times
Reputation: 30347
Not at all.....do what is best for you and family.

Come on down, the mild winters are so nice!




gbh
Quote:
Originally Posted by beck6 View Post
So we've wanted to move south for a LONG time and it seems to be a good time for us to do just that...with the exception of selling our house in this terrible market. The thing is no one in our immediate family moves away from each other. We have literally lived with in a few blocks of my parents, grandparents and brother. My in-laws are with in 20 min of us and the aunts/uncles and cousins are within an hour and see each other at least every other month. BUT my husband and I hate winter, our schools and just really want to relocate. Our kids want to move and we can transfer within our companies for work. I keep feeling guilty like we shouldn't want to move...is this selfish?
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Old 06-10-2011, 01:52 AM
 
7,495 posts, read 9,761,232 times
Reputation: 7394
I think it's normal to feel selfish at the thought of moving away since people are so good at making people feel that way. But understand that they will have adjustments to make especially if you're the first "prodigal son (or daughter...is that even a word?)". Understand also that they will get through it. If you want to move and have the resources, GO! Good luck!
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Old 06-10-2011, 03:38 AM
 
Location: Here, or there
214 posts, read 611,444 times
Reputation: 182
Not at all, you gotta do whats best for you!
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Old 06-10-2011, 04:50 AM
 
Location: Connecticut
2,727 posts, read 5,367,087 times
Reputation: 1979
I don't think it's selfish at all. Your life is yours to lead as you want.

I've been wanting to move south for years and I get the attempted guilt trips laid on me now and then. Sorry, but tough. It's my life to live.
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Old 06-10-2011, 05:35 AM
 
Location: RTP area, NC
1,277 posts, read 3,122,967 times
Reputation: 952
It isn't selfish at all. The thing that you have to consider is how much you rely on your extended family.

Do they take care of the kids at all? think about when they get sick and you need to work - who'll pitch in?
Do you use them for babysitting? Do you enjoy family dinners on a routine basis?

Some folks will move from their families only to really miss the extended family network and get very lonely. You don't mention how far away you live from here - so visits may not be out of the question.

We totally love it down here, but honestly -- a lot of our vacation time is now spent going to visit family or vacationing with family so that our kids develop the bonds with extended family. We also drew folks down here which was nice to get family down here.
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Old 06-10-2011, 07:54 AM
 
Location: Bourne, MA
30 posts, read 82,686 times
Reputation: 37
My husband, two boys, and I are finally moving south from Cape Cod. Like you, we have been talking about doing it for years. I will miss my extended family up here, though we are not as close in proximity as you are. Sometimes I do feel selfish, but we are doing what we want, what will make us happy, as a family, and when it comes down to it, my husband and two boys are the most important things in my life. I very much love my extended family, and they are also important to me, but their happiness is in their own hands, as is mine.
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Old 06-10-2011, 07:56 AM
 
Location: North Western NJ
6,591 posts, read 20,810,707 times
Reputation: 9586
i think it IS selfish...BUT why does that have to be a bad thing, doing something for YOU because its good for YOU is selfish in its generality, but honestly, how can doing the right thing for you be a bad thing?

im planning somehting similar, im in the proecess of purcahsing a house about 1000 miles away form my family...
its selfish, im moving down to tn because i like the long gorwing season, the people are muhc nicer and more importantly i can afford to actually live down there where as here im strugglgin to make ends meet and im renting a room in my parents house at 26 yrs old.
my parents dont want me to go because they will miss me and "who will help mum around the house?"

but im a grow up and its time in my life to do something right for me...

is it selfish, well i want to go down there so i personally can have abetter life so YES it is a selfish reason...but sometimes being a little bit selfsh is the right thing to do!

would moving south give you and your family a better quality of life?
if the answer is yes, then no matter how selfish it feels or is...you need to go with it...afterall, what is there to strive for other than a better quality of life?!
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