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Old 06-22-2011, 05:04 PM
 
Location: War World!
3,226 posts, read 6,613,553 times
Reputation: 4948

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They really don't and it eats me alive. I don't know what the chuck I have to do sometimes to get their respect. It's like, no matter what I do-to them-it's never important. They act as if whatever I am doing is of no importance, that I can just drop whatever it is I am doing and do what they want. Every time I plan on doing something, or want to do something, plan on doing something, it's a "whatever" to them. Its one thing if I have to deal with if but I LIVE with it.

Today for instance, I told my mother that I wanted to take my little brothers to karate class after school. However, she goes and takes them shopping, after I took time off so I can take them like I promised. I dropped all the other stuff that I COULD have done with my time just so I can take them but she takes them shopping and says she forgot. She didn't even frakkin apologize! AT LEAST apologize!

What she did wasn't terrible but whenever my time is wasted, its nothing to her because its never a big deal. My family acts as if I don't work, have a hobby and sit at home all day every day with my thumb up my ass. Even if I am working, they'll call me and ask me stupid questions as if I am not working! I.E: Are you home? Can you do this? It's just like they assume stuff.

I'm telling you, no matter what I do in life, no matter what I accomplish, no matter what I achieve, its nothing to them.

I don't ask to be celebrated, put on a pedestal, praised for everything but I would appreciate more respect. I don't even bother talking to them about it because it usually turns into an argument because they blow it off, which in turn angers me and they I have to get nasty because I feel like my point wasn't proven.

This frustrates me a whole lot. I can climb Mt. Everest 3 times and they wouldn't think its a big deal. I feel undermined and unappreciated. I feel they never really listen to me...I don't know what to do.

Anyone else ever have this issue with their family?
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Old 06-22-2011, 05:08 PM
 
1,543 posts, read 2,987,353 times
Reputation: 1109
Leave.....if you have the financial means to do it. I would and have been meaning to. But I have no money or prospect. So it would be extremely stupid for me to leave without a job or money. But if you have both or either than just leave. Time creates longing for and if they love you. They will want you back, you just need to leave and go away for awhile. Show them that you are living your life and doing something with it. That will show your parents and everyone you are something that does not need their recognition which in turn gives you the recognition you want.
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Old 06-22-2011, 05:11 PM
 
5,244 posts, read 4,695,759 times
Reputation: 1858
Yes, that has happened to me my entire life. I have attributed it to that I am the youngest. I left when I graduated high school and only go back to visit and even if I go back today it would be the same. Even with phone calls: I am the one that makes them, they hardly call me. It's sad but oh well, I deal with it.
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Old 06-22-2011, 05:30 PM
 
936 posts, read 2,052,667 times
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OP, therewego--I've had this issue all my life.

Family is more than just DNA. It's the love you give each other. And there can't be love if there's no respect.

How would you respond to an acquaintance or a work friend who treated you this way? What would you say/do? Would you put up with how they're treating you?
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Old 06-22-2011, 05:31 PM
 
Location: War World!
3,226 posts, read 6,613,553 times
Reputation: 4948
I feel for you therewego. It's kind of like that with me but I usually get phone calls when they need or want something. It pisses me off.

WHen I Leave for a long period of time, that's when they miss me, love me, want me back home. Like you said D-Boy, distance makes the heart fonder. I LOVE my family but I just never get and never have really gotten the respect I want or feel I deserve. I WOULD move but where I am living at, it's HARD. Rent is sky high in this city so as much as I would want to leave, I just can't do it like that. I'm not home all the time which is a good thing but when they treat me the way they do, it really makes me feel hopeless and my morale goes down. I feel I am too old to be dealing with this crap at 24. UGH!

It's like, I want to totally flip out, break stuff, and yell at the top of lungs to get my point. You don't know how self destructive I have gotten with myself sometimes. Punching walls, breaking my own items and getting aggressive with the wrong people sometimes because of how crazy they can drive me sometimes.
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Old 06-22-2011, 05:41 PM
 
26,142 posts, read 31,081,659 times
Reputation: 27234
Cut the cord and don't contact them in awhile. Keep a seperate line for business calls and personal calls and return personal ones at a time when it is convenient for you. That relieves some of it, but my guess is you want THEM to change how they think and you can't change other people. No more offers. If you want to see them at Karate practice find out when it is and go on your own to watch them, but don't offer stuff anymore. Self rescpect comes first and if you allow yourself to be a doormat at their liesure it's time to cut the cord and say screw it and maybe they will not treart you as a doormat or see where they realllly stand with you.
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Old 06-22-2011, 05:44 PM
 
Location: state of procrastination
3,485 posts, read 7,263,690 times
Reputation: 2912
I have been financially independent and separated from my family since 17 and they still do not take me seriously. They literally treat me like I am 10 years old and as if I need coaching on how to eat and clothe myself properly. I have an MD and they never listen to my medical advice even though that never stops them from trying to ask me to diagnose them. I have made it clear to them that if they do not take my advice that I am not going to help them when they get really really sick and die, and even that does not change their behavior at all.

I have had to train them not to call me at work (i.e. yell and scream since it is the only thing that works) because I do not have the liberty to drop everything to chat. My extended family sometimes bugs me about stupid **** too because they all have regular office jobs or are SAHP and they just don't get it. I don't think there is ever going to be a time when they really will respect or listen to me. But I don't take it personally because they don't really have any boundaries or respect for anyone or anything. They don't respect deadlines, timelines, or rules.

I don't care about validation or praise (haven't since I was a wee child), I just need for things to run smoothly and not hinder my ability to get things done.

Not to say there isn't a whole lot of good things about my family as well but I have definitely given up on this front.
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Old 06-22-2011, 06:47 PM
 
13,513 posts, read 19,187,245 times
Reputation: 16577
If you feel undermined and unappreciated, if you feel you don't get their respect, and they feel what you do for them is unimportant...I would just refuse to do anything more....at 24 you're not to old to deal with that crap, especially when if you moved into your own place, you wouldn't have to.Don't forget....you need them too!

Last edited by purehuman; 06-22-2011 at 07:59 PM..
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Old 06-22-2011, 08:41 PM
 
5,244 posts, read 4,695,759 times
Reputation: 1858
Quote:
Originally Posted by miyu View Post
I have been financially independent and separated from my family since 17 and they still do not take me seriously. They literally treat me like I am 10 years old and as if I need coaching on how to eat and clothe myself properly. I have an MD and they never listen to my medical advice even though that never stops them from trying to ask me to diagnose them. I have made it clear to them that if they do not take my advice that I am not going to help them when they get really really sick and die, and even that does not change their behavior at all.

I have had to train them not to call me at work (i.e. yell and scream since it is the only thing that works) because I do not have the liberty to drop everything to chat. My extended family sometimes bugs me about stupid **** too because they all have regular office jobs or are SAHP and they just don't get it. I don't think there is ever going to be a time when they really will respect or listen to me. But I don't take it personally because they don't really have any boundaries or respect for anyone or anything. They don't respect deadlines, timelines, or rules.

I don't care about validation or praise (haven't since I was a wee child), I just need for things to run smoothly and not hinder my ability to get things done.

Not to say there isn't a whole lot of good things about my family as well but I have definitely given up on this front.
Yep, same here...I just give up and our conversations are topical.
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Old 06-23-2011, 12:39 AM
 
950 posts, read 3,177,612 times
Reputation: 694
Hmm... I just did quick look at your posting history... I suspect that you know why your family do not respect/take you seriously.

I guess if you really want your family to change that, you would need to prove that you deserve to be respected/taken seriously.

I am sorry to say this, but this is the way I see it.
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