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No I just feel quite guilty. I never mean to hurt her in the first place with telling my mother or fiance... I just didn't know how to help her. I never spoke about it to anyone until after she had done all those things to me and at that point I was being prank called daily, pissed at all my deleted emails, pissed at the constant name calling from her and her bf...etc and when people kept asking me why I was so upset I vented... which I regret. And now she is upset at me again.
You didn't hurt her. She hurt herself AND you. Be done with her.
It's beyond me how you feel guilty over anything. If this is common in your relationships (people mistreat you and you feel responsible for it and guilty) then I fear for your other relationships.
She seems nuts...But you telling people that was not cool either. People kill themselves over secrets told that they don't want out. Learn to keep your mouth closed. But she is not good for you either as you are not for her.
I hear that.. but the OP sounds young.. it was too much for her to carry around.. she needed to unload it.. and look where she dumped it on her mother and her fiance.. trusted people, right?
I hear that.. but the OP sounds young.. it was too much for her to carry around.. she needed to unload it.. and look where she dumped it on her mother and her fiance.. trusted people, right?
Yes, I am 21. We met when I was 16, and the whole falling out happened about 2-3 years ago. The only reason I told my mother and fiance was because I did not know how to handle what she'd told me. I was the one that had to call the cops in her town when she tried to kill herself a few years before all this (again we live in seperate towns.) I had always been there and so this was my way of trying to find a way to help her by asking the advice of people I trusted who I knew would not speak of it to anyone.
"She seems nuts...But you telling people that was not cool either. People kill themselves over secrets told that they don't want out. Learn to keep your mouth closed. But she is not good for you either as you are not for her."
- I totally agree. I should not have done that, but it was never to hurt her. It was to find a way to help her.
Yes, I am 21. We met when I was 16, and the whole falling out happened about 2-3 years ago. The only reason I told my mother and fiance was because I did not know how to handle what she'd told me. I was the one that had to call the cops in her town when she tried to kill herself a few years before all this (again we live in seperate towns.) I had always been there and so this was my way of trying to find a way to help her by asking the advice of people I trusted who I knew would not speak of it to anyone.
"She seems nuts...But you telling people that was not cool either. People kill themselves over secrets told that they don't want out. Learn to keep your mouth closed. But she is not good for you either as you are not for her."
- I totally agree. I should not have done that, but it was never to hurt her. It was to find a way to help her.
You sound like a good friend, actually TOO good, to the point where it has been very taxing to you.. you need to cut her loose.. it is sad, but you can not save everyone.. You've gone beyond the call of the duty of a friend.. you did much to patch up the wounds that you did not cause.. break all ties and keep your absolute distance.. if she persists, get your mom and fiance in it to run your interference..
You sound like a good friend, actually TOO good, to the point where it has been very taxing to you.. you need to cut her loose.. it is sad, but you can not save everyone.. You've gone beyond the call of the duty of a friend.. you did much to patch up the wounds that you did not cause.. break all ties and keep your absolute distance.. if she persists, get your mom and fiance in it to run your interference..
Well....I never tell/told those types of secrets but I do know that particular feeling. I can see in the moment where you feel you have to. But google is your friend who tells no one what you looked for to help them. You could also tell a counselor who is not involved in the situation. Next time. But even then she would still have to help herself. I could see someone like that using things as an excuse to be messed up instead of addressing it and dragging the op down the whole way through. Its just messed up on both sides. OP dealt with some stress but did not have something that heavy to be embarrassed about. I personally would apologize, then cut the friendship and give the crazy one some direction they can help themselves. You don't need a crazy one staying ticked at you.
You're welcome.. it can be difficult, but you gotta try to keep toxic people out of your life. We can all feel compassion for someone who grew up the way that your ex-friend did. But if you try to save them all, especially ones that lash out at a helping hand, you will become their victim.. gotta leave it alone..
I cannot tell you to cut off all ties. She was your friend, and sounds like she is trying to reach out back to you. She may feel very regretful now too, and with some time since the incident maybe she recognizes her own failings in the situation.
I am not saying to invite her back with open arms. Guard yourself and your heart. However, if you think she honestly is sorry, and you would value having her back as a friend, you could cautiously have some contact and see what you think for yourself. Just be emotionally ready to cut ties if you do.
How close was the Family member she slept with: Father, brother, 1st cousin, etc? If it was someone distant it may not be as big a deal.
Sounds like the bad in the relationship far outweighed the good! You did use highly confidential information against her. she probably should not have told you anything.
But google is your friend who tells no one what you looked for to help them. You could also tell a counselor who is not involved in the situation..
I tried google, it dosen't talk back and offer advice on the complexity of the situation. A counselor also costs money I don't have. I'm a young person in college living pay check to pay check, I don't have $100 to blow on a chat session.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LS Jaun
How close was the Family member she slept with: Father, brother, 1st cousin, etc?
Sounds like the bad in the relationship far outweighed the good!
It was a slightly younger family member, close blood ties.
What had me all tied up in knots about the whole thing was that she cheated on her long time boyfriend who was amazing towards her with his family member.
That what made this all complicated.
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