I think I found out something about a friend, not that I care. (boyfriend, member) - Non-Romantic Relationships -Issues with friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances - City-Data Forum

Coffee2go · 07-22-2011, 10:57 AM

For the last twenty years, I have been wondering what ever became of a friend I was once very close to.

Over the years I have tried to get back in touch with her. For some reason, at my wedding was the last time I saw her or had anything to do with her. I thought I did something wrong. I was friends with her for years. I tried to call her a few times and she never got back to me. I even sent her a letter when I moved back to my home town but no reply.

She dropped me once I got married (not visa versa!).

This was very painful for me because I tried really hard to re-kindle our friendship. Or at least let her know I was thinking of her over the years.

I know she's been in several states over the years and sort of kept up with info on her via the web. (google is helpful).

Anyhow, I happened to stumble across a few pieces of a puzzle and
I think she's a lesbian and always was.

For you young folks, it's not a big deal--you can come out and people applaud or accept it--but when I was a teen it was the biggest insult you could say..."you're gay!"

Not that I care (who does? I have cousins who are gay, good friends who are gay). She always had a boyfriend when we were growing up(and I didn't) but after I got married and she "wigged out" on me, she apparently moved to another state and got involved with a liberal church full of people of many orientations.

She is also involved heavily into 'roller derby' which (sorry I am clueless) is a huge sport for lesbians. She also has achieved a higher degree which is fabulous because this was a girl who failed all through elementary and high schools and had a lot of problems till she found her maturity in college.

Maybe my friend thinks I would never accept her AS IS. I always just wanted her to be happy. In many ways my child reminds me of her (mannerisms, friendly attitude, good sense of humor).

Thanks for letting me get this out there, CityData. Maybe it will help other people realize that some of us are actually liberal compared to what we were as kids/teens and that some friends will always be there, at least in thought.

supermanpansy · 07-22-2011, 11:18 AM

Don't really know what your asking. It sounds like your just venting. I have felt this way over the years. Since I have graduated highschool (mind you-almost 20 years ago) I have often tried to get ahold of a few people, who it seemed could care less. It has made me wonder if they ever cared as a friend. I think most people move on and don't think too much about people who "once" were in their life. It's sad. I used to care, but even I have sort of said, f..it. I don't care as much anymore. But I guess I would be lieing if I said that It didn't hurt a little.

Coffee2go · 07-22-2011, 11:26 AM

Thanx for replying.
Yes, maybe it was venting. It's hard to have friends who know you for years not give a **** really what happens to you. It does hurt because so many people you have nice memories of seem to just not want to have anything to do with me.

I am one of those people who will always fondly remember my pals in college or an old high school chum or previous but few seek me out. I guess if I were richer or famous I may suddenly find myself popular, but that's not what I am about.

I try to live in the present and make friends now, but even though I am friendly and outgoing, it's hard to form friendships.

DONNIEANDDONNA417 · 07-22-2011, 11:33 AM

I had a friend that got married, had 2 children, divorced and became a butch overnight

Coffee2go · 07-22-2011, 11:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DONNIEANDDONNA417

I had a friend that got married, had 2 children, divorced and became a butch overnight

Don't you think that this was probably always there...just something she submerged?

Again, this thread is not for gay bashing. Just to let people know that acceptance is there (if that is why they do not want to be in touch with old friends.)

fleetiebelle · 07-22-2011, 11:38 AM

Quote:

She is also involved heavily into 'roller derby' which (sorry I am clueless) is a huge sport for lesbians.

Most of the women I know who are into roller derby aren't lesbians. They're more of the tattooed rockabilly hipster type.

Dewdroplet76 · 07-22-2011, 11:39 AM

Can you get in touch with your friend? Maybe let her know that you have missed her and that you would love to rekindle your friendship?

sydney1987 · 07-22-2011, 11:42 AM

This was really sappy, just sayin'

Coffee2go · 07-22-2011, 11:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fleetiebelle

Most of the women I know who are into roller derby aren't lesbians. They're more of the tattooed rockabilly hipster type.

Yeah, I have no clue about this (like I said) because I don't know anyone into this sport. I happened to look online to find out more about it. thanks for the clarification.

I just thought it supported the other things I found out. Anyhow not that it matters. I am going to just leave it.

poletop1 · 07-22-2011, 12:58 PM

Maybe get in touch, she might be wondering how you are doing but to anxious or nervous to get in touch. You could both be thinking the same thing, hoping the other is well but not making contact. It can be difficult to rekindle old friendships but it might work out.

PS: Although I am getting old, as someone who has been on a high school campus in the last decade, I can say that gay is still used by many as a pejorative metonym for stupid/unwanted/disgusting. Coming out as gay/lesbian/bi/trans- is not always met with support or applause unfortunately.