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Old 11-09-2011, 07:21 AM
 
1,087 posts, read 1,776,427 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by springazure View Post
This is why I consider myself an Introvert and a "loner", and I like it that way. I told my kids, the day I die, don't bother with the expense of a funeral. My goal is that nobody would show up, because hopefully nobody knows me. I like being a "nothing nobody". It keeps life simple.
I disagree with staying away from others - its just being more aware of people who appear friendly and agreeable but don't have your interests at heart.


My point is this - people often talk about for example hating workplace politics - and not trusting other people at work and it being competitive - but often its only in the workplace where you see what people's true personality is, or what their really like - when it comes down financials interests/business they show there true personality.

The same with Siblings/in laws who are competitive toward you and want you to fail in your life- its often then where you see just just how competitive people really are.

Its because of culture of fake friendlness - we are shielded from just how competitive the world really is - and its only with family and the workplace where you get close to it.
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Old 11-09-2011, 07:35 AM
 
9,014 posts, read 8,280,324 times
Reputation: 14429
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikeyking View Post
I don't know if its just me - but here is one thing I have noticed for most of my life - We live in Society which is outwardly friendly, democratic and people are pleasant to your face.

But peer below the facade - in every workplace, family and relationship its passive aggression, judgmental, and busy bodies who outwardly play the game of being a concerned and "nice" person - but you soon realize its a tactics to know your business and gain advantage. Perhaps another way to look at is that we all in competition with each other - even siblings, spouses and parents.

We see some 50 Per cent of Marriages which end in Divorce, many more are simply relationships of convenience - In fact many relationships are simply economic unions to further the objectives of both the people in the relationship. We have life long wars between siblings, so called friends and colleagues in every workplace who will backstab if they can get any dirt on you, all the while maintaining an outward appearance of being friendly.

We even have people who claim to have political opinions or religious views but many times when you get below the surface these are just looking to gain advantage in some way, or they act in their own self interest whilst claiming moral superiority. We have every workplace full of people who claim they would do anything for the company but when you get below all this - its really about a paycheque.

You can call it paranoia or assuming the worst in others - but i think there is an element of denying the reality of the just the sort of society we live in - There is only self interest at the core of people's behaviour no matter what they say.

Assuming this is a correct view - how do we handle it, you can't cut everyone out of your life - Therefore is it better to just main an outward appearance of being friendly, almost acting dumb to others manipulations, tell NO ONE any personal business and just set goals and work toward this.
Speaking as a person who has known this for a long time, I gave up on trusting any family members with personal information about myself. Family, more than anyone else has stabbed me in the back, as you put it. Not only stabbed me in the back, but actually tried to sabotage every effort I made at making progress in my life. So the interesting thing is once you recognize exactly who is for you, and not against you, then you can open up a little.
Workplace is the worst place for this artificial niceness; wolves in sheep's clothing--I'm glad I don't have to tolerate that b.s. anymore
Maybe this is why I'm more in to being kind of a loner
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Old 11-09-2011, 08:37 AM
 
1,087 posts, read 1,776,427 times
Reputation: 1527
Quote:
Originally Posted by believe007 View Post
Speaking as a person who has known this for a long time, I gave up on trusting any family members with personal information about myself. Family, more than anyone else has stabbed me in the back, as you put it. Not only stabbed me in the back, but actually tried to sabotage every effort I made at making progress in my life. So the interesting thing is once you recognize exactly who is for you, and not against you, then you can open up a little.
Workplace is the worst place for this artificial niceness; wolves in sheep's clothing--I'm glad I don't have to tolerate that b.s. anymore
Maybe this is why I'm more in to being kind of a loner
I wonder what drives this sort of behavior - is it the recession, or quite simply its competition and people who don't want you to get ahead.

We live in a winner take all society - where those at the top get everything, and those in the middle and bottom fight like just keep their head above water - and this is driving this - where we look up to CEOs but attack the person earning the minimum wage.
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Old 11-09-2011, 08:43 AM
 
5,387 posts, read 6,503,097 times
Reputation: 4550
Quote:
Originally Posted by believe007 View Post
Speaking as a person who has known this for a long time, I gave up on trusting any family members with personal information about myself. Family, more than anyone else has stabbed me in the back, as you put it. Not only stabbed me in the back, but actually tried to sabotage every effort I made at making progress in my life. So the interesting thing is once you recognize exactly who is for you, and not against you, then you can open up a little.
Workplace is the worst place for this artificial niceness; wolves in sheep's clothing--I'm glad I don't have to tolerate that b.s. anymore
Maybe this is why I'm more in to being kind of a loner
I can relate to this 100% and understand exactly what you mean my friend -- same deal here My genuine sympathies to you.
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Old 11-09-2011, 08:50 AM
 
Location: Lower east side of Toronto
10,588 posts, read 10,733,362 times
Reputation: 9292
In this liberal democracy that we are brought up in - trained in - and conditioned too...we are mislead into thinking that we are all equal - of equal social status - equal in personal worth - and worst of all equal in all levels or human awareness and intelligents.

Here the proplem arises...When we deal with common trouble makers we all make one mistake because of the way we have been conditioned...We attempt to reason with them because we are taught from a young age that we are all equal and thus - of the same intelligence and reasonable.

So when you deal with a person that is a problem you are being biblical in nature "Do not toss your pearls (truth and intelligence) - before swine..for they will anger and rip you apart like crazed dogs" ...to para-phrase. What I am trying to say is that some people just do not have the capaicty to understand and reason - when confronted by intelligent debate - they sense it as some sort of attack..and they react badly.

Don't want to sound like an elitist but I will - My kids who are grown sometimes have problems with certain people..because they are liberally minded they find my advice to be offensive....I explain to them, that most people are just slightly brighter than the family dog..which in the over all - on a planetary level..is true. Human being are not that bright and those of us who are had better learn one thing...KEEP your mouth shut.

Being idealist we in our youth actually believe we can educate our lessors by simply talking to them..This is foolish and a waste of time..some people are not reachable...spiritually - intellectually of mentally..This is reality. We do not like to face the fact that we for the most part live on the planet of the apes but we do! Still try to be kind to them..but don't expect any miracles.
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Old 11-09-2011, 09:04 AM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,085 posts, read 23,803,195 times
Reputation: 17982
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikeyking View Post
I disagree with staying away from others - its just being more aware of people who appear friendly and agreeable but don't have your interests at heart.


My point is this - people often talk about for example hating workplace politics - and not trusting other people at work and it being competitive - but often its only in the workplace where you see what people's true personality is, or what their really like - when it comes down financials interests/business they show there true personality.

The same with Siblings/in laws who are competitive toward you and want you to fail in your life- its often then where you see just just how competitive people really are.

Its because of culture of fake friendlness - we are shielded from just how competitive the world really is - and its only with family and the workplace where you get close to it.
I disagree again....

Expect that most people whether a coworker or family wear social masks that hide there agendas...its not some mystery you need to unravel.

Its not that difficult to comprehend Mikey.
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Old 11-09-2011, 09:05 AM
 
Location: FLG/PHX/MKE
7,288 posts, read 13,448,128 times
Reputation: 11575
On this forum, there are a couple of good examples of people who appear to have nothing but problems with everyone they come into contact with. Their friends are stressful. The gardener is stressful. Their family is stressful. Their doctor is stressful. Their counselor (which they have, of course), is stressful. Everyone else, is stressful--and that's the problem.

I don't stress about peoples' differences, because that's essentially what all of those things are. People are different and you need to either get past it, or lock the doors and shut the blinds. If you spend too much time worrying about the reasons why your assessment of other people does not live up to your assessment of yourself, everyone is going to be stressful to deal with. While it's likely to run into a complete aberration from time to time, it's really not that hard to deal with peoples' differences. Easier, I think, than not dealing with them, or getting pissed off about them.
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Old 11-09-2011, 09:09 AM
 
9,014 posts, read 8,280,324 times
Reputation: 14429
Quote:
Originally Posted by 43north87west View Post
On this forum, there are a couple of good examples of people who appear to have nothing but problems with everyone they come into contact with. Their friends are stressful. The gardener is stressful. Their family is stressful. Their doctor is stressful. Their counselor (which they have, of course), is stressful. Everyone else, is stressful--and that's the problem.

I don't stress about peoples' differences, because that's essentially what all of those things are. People are different and you need to either get past it, or lock the doors and shut the blinds. If you spend too much time worrying about the reasons why your assessment of other people does not live up to your assessment of yourself, everyone is going to be stressful to deal with. While it's likely to run into a complete aberration from time to time, it's really not that hard to deal with peoples' differences. Easier, I think, than not dealing with them, or getting pissed off about them.
Something tells me you walk through life wearing rose tinted glasses, or you've never been stabbed in the back. Either way, maybe you just can't relate to what the Op's thread is about
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Old 11-09-2011, 09:17 AM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,085 posts, read 23,803,195 times
Reputation: 17982
Quote:
Originally Posted by 43north87west View Post
On this forum, there are a couple of good examples of people who appear to have nothing but problems with everyone they come into contact with. Their friends are stressful. The gardener is stressful. Their family is stressful. Their doctor is stressful. Their counselor (which they have, of course), is stressful. Everyone else, is stressful--and that's the problem.

I don't stress about peoples' differences, because that's essentially what all of those things are. People are different and you need to either get past it, or lock the doors and shut the blinds. If you spend too much time worrying about the reasons why your assessment of other people does not live up to your assessment of yourself, everyone is going to be stressful to deal with. While it's likely to run into a complete aberration from time to time, it's really not that hard to deal with peoples' differences. Easier, I think, than not dealing with them, or getting pissed off about them.

I partially agree, but only with the highlighted, which seems to be the OPs challenge.

Hes takes people at face value and judges by social masks, only to be disappointed becoz they haven't lived up to his expectations.
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Old 11-09-2011, 09:28 AM
 
1,087 posts, read 1,776,427 times
Reputation: 1527
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oleg Bach View Post
In this liberal democracy that we are brought up in - trained in - and conditioned too...we are mislead into thinking that we are all equal - of equal social status - equal in personal worth - and worst of all equal in all levels or human awareness and intelligents.

Here the proplem arises...When we deal with common trouble makers we all make one mistake because of the way we have been conditioned...We attempt to reason with them because we are taught from a young age that we are all equal and thus - of the same intelligence and reasonable.

So when you deal with a person that is a problem you are being biblical in nature "Do not toss your pearls (truth and intelligence) - before swine..for they will anger and rip you apart like crazed dogs" ...to para-phrase. What I am trying to say is that some people just do not have the capaicty to understand and reason - when confronted by intelligent debate - they sense it as some sort of attack..and they react badly.

Don't want to sound like an elitist but I will - My kids who are grown sometimes have problems with certain people..because they are liberally minded they find my advice to be offensive....I explain to them, that most people are just slightly brighter than the family dog..which in the over all - on a planetary level..is true. Human being are not that bright and those of us who are had better learn one thing...KEEP your mouth shut.

Being idealist we in our youth actually believe we can educate our lessors by simply talking to them..This is foolish and a waste of time..some people are not reachable...spiritually - intellectually of mentally..This is reality. We do not like to face the fact that we for the most part live on the planet of the apes but we do! Still try to be kind to them..but don't expect any miracles.
I don't think its got anything to do with intelligence level, just because someone is smarter does not mean they have good judgement, morals and a sense of decency.

Its more about people being much more cunning, calculating, devious that they actually let on - an outward fascade on being decent, or even stupid and naive, but waiting for there moment to turn on you or simply information gathering, and just generally manipulative people in your life who are not what they appear to be.

That Movie - The Truman Show - and his relationship with his wife, where he says "Why do you want to have a baby with me? You hate me." - Where he learns he cannot rely on anyone around him, and the message of the movie is rely on yourself.
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