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Old 11-09-2011, 09:45 AM
 
Location: Richardson, TX
11,020 posts, read 17,504,759 times
Reputation: 27819

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Quote:
Originally Posted by 43north87west View Post
On this forum, there are a couple of good examples of people who appear to have nothing but problems with everyone they come into contact with. Their friends are stressful. The gardener is stressful. Their family is stressful. Their doctor is stressful. Their counselor (which they have, of course), is stressful. Everyone else, is stressful--and that's the problem.

I don't stress about peoples' differences, because that's essentially what all of those things are. People are different and you need to either get past it, or lock the doors and shut the blinds. If you spend too much time worrying about the reasons why your assessment of other people does not live up to your assessment of yourself, everyone is going to be stressful to deal with. While it's likely to run into a complete aberration from time to time, it's really not that hard to deal with peoples' differences. Easier, I think, than not dealing with them, or getting pissed off about them.
I agree. It's part of becoming a mature and well-functioning member of society. It seems that those who can't stand the "BS of our society" are focusing too much on themselves, and therefore getting their feelings hurt often and easily. We all have self-interest obviously, it's part of being human. But if you view every comment or action of a co-worker, for instance, through the lens of yourself, i.e. he said/did that to hurt me, undermine me, make me look bad - rather than recognizing that here is another person with their own goals who is NOT constantly thinking about you and did not consciously try to do you damage, I believe you're doing yourself a grave disservice.

Personally, I find people and their different natures fascinating. I love getting to know those from all walks of life, but I sure don't try very hard with those of you who shut down communication and are curt to all but your inner circle of 3 friends. I have a couple of coworkers like that. Win-win situation I guess, since that's how you want it! The downside to it at the office is that you're much less likely to have very high job performance or receive promotions because communication is key to success at work.
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Old 11-09-2011, 09:58 AM
 
Location: South Florida
314 posts, read 718,066 times
Reputation: 172
I hate passive aggressive people, they are the worst.
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Old 11-09-2011, 10:07 AM
 
12,280 posts, read 13,503,030 times
Reputation: 14210
Quote:
Originally Posted by ybflady13 View Post
I hate passive aggressive people, they are the worst.
I hear you there.

To illustrate:

Trying to confront a Passive Aggressive Person is like cornering a skunk.

As for busybodies and toxic people it's like:

Walking through the front yard where the dog does his thing. You position your steps in a way that you will miss the crap.
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Old 11-09-2011, 10:10 AM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,085 posts, read 23,821,392 times
Reputation: 17982
Quote:
Originally Posted by Debsi View Post
I agree. It's part of becoming a mature and well-functioning member of society. It seems that those who can't stand the "BS of our society" are focusing too much on themselves, and therefore getting their feelings hurt often and easily. We all have self-interest obviously, it's part of being human. But if you view every comment or action of a co-worker, for instance, through the lens of yourself, i.e. he said/did that to hurt me, undermine me, make me look bad - rather than recognizing that here is another person with their own goals who is NOT constantly thinking about you and did not consciously try to do you damage, I believe you're doing yourself a grave disservice.

Personally, I find people and their different natures fascinating. I love getting to know those from all walks of life, but I sure don't try very hard with those of you who shut down communication and are curt to all but your inner circle of 3 friends. I have a couple of coworkers like that. Win-win situation I guess, since that's how you want it! The downside to it at the office is that you're much less likely to have very high job performance or receive promotions because communication is key to success at work.
The real issue with those who didn't consciously try to do damage is their unwillingness to recognize the damage they've done in the process of attaining their goals, becoz other people really don't matter.
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Old 11-09-2011, 10:10 AM
 
8,680 posts, read 13,271,737 times
Reputation: 15272
There is no such thing as true altruism. Even the most generous person gets a feeling of fulfillment and joy out of giving. So, yes, everyone does indeed have an agenda that is rooted in themselves.

The trouble here is that you are assuming that all agendas come from a bad place.

Don't get me wrong. I believe I know what you are talking about and I could probably come up with plenty of examples of it. Just that generalizing isn't going do to you any good.

You talk about people being much more cunning, calculating, and devious than they actually let on. This is going to seem nit-picky, but I don't agree. Yes, there are plenty of weasels in the world, but barring true sociopaths like Ted Bundy, they all let on somehow, either with their words or their body language. Some people, like my SO, are so tuned into this that they can stand in the middle of Penn Station, look around at thousands of people rushing by, and tell you who has been arrested and done time, who is headed down that path, who is just a jerk, and who is a normal, if stressed, person going about life. The rest of us need to work at it, which usually means tuning into the ol' gut. If your gut is telling you something is "off" about someone, listen to it. Don't let your head rationalize you into indulging or being open with the person if your gut is telling you to watch out.

The good thing is that after you've been proven right about a few people, you learn to trust your judgment. Once you trust your judgment, then you can believe your gut when your gut tells you someone is a good person, too. Then there is no need for generalizations.
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Old 11-09-2011, 10:50 AM
 
Location: Lower east side of Toronto
10,588 posts, read 10,740,024 times
Reputation: 9292
Evil and stupidity are kin - why feed them with your own good energy?
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Old 11-09-2011, 11:03 AM
 
8,018 posts, read 6,575,404 times
Reputation: 12038
Quote:
Originally Posted by Debsi View Post
I agree. It's part of becoming a mature and well-functioning member of society. It seems that those who can't stand the "BS of our society" are focusing too much on themselves, and therefore getting their feelings hurt often and easily. We all have self-interest obviously, it's part of being human. But if you view every comment or action of a co-worker, for instance, through the lens of yourself, i.e. he said/did that to hurt me, undermine me, make me look bad - rather than recognizing that here is another person with their own goals who is NOT constantly thinking about you and did not consciously try to do you damage, I believe you're doing yourself a grave disservice.

Personally, I find people and their different natures fascinating. I love getting to know those from all walks of life, but I sure don't try very hard with those of you who shut down communication and are curt to all but your inner circle of 3 friends. I have a couple of coworkers like that. Win-win situation I guess, since that's how you want it! The downside to it at the office is that you're much less likely to have very high job performance or receive promotions because communication is key to success at work.
Maybe this guy wants to let his production do the talking for him. Who are we to demand people to step out of their zones? Maybe it's easier for people to demand introverts to be more chatty because if things don't go well there the ones facing the pain. Not the person who tells him he should be more outgoing.
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Old 11-09-2011, 12:06 PM
 
Location: Richardson, TX
11,020 posts, read 17,504,759 times
Reputation: 27819
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ro2113 View Post
Maybe this guy wants to let his production do the talking for him. Who are we to demand people to step out of their zones? Maybe it's easier for people to demand introverts to be more chatty because if things don't go well there the ones facing the pain. Not the person who tells him he should be more outgoing.
I had a particular coworker in mind when I made this statement. She does not need to become an extrovert to become better at her job. She does need to remove the enormous chip from her shoulder and not make it unpleasant to even go to her cubicle or call her on the phone to discuss something about her work that impacts other coworkers' work. I have heard her state that she is tremendously busy and perfect at her job. She just doesn't understand that her work doesn't exist in a vacuum, that things she does effect other departments and her unwillingness to communicate about her work makes others have to work harder and less efficiently. I happen to know she's wrong about being awesome in her job as she has been caught recently in several serious errors. If she were not so off-putting, I believe the whole team would be working together better and it would improve her performance as well. Her unwillingness to admit that her performance is a problem prevents improvement and has pissed off some bosses. She came close to getting fired recently.

Additionally, where did I demand anybody step out of their zones? I made an observation that it slows progress up the ladder at work. Somebody really ambitious should decide to make a conscious effort to fight their shyness/surliness/whatever, but nobody is demanding anybody do it!
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Old 11-09-2011, 12:22 PM
 
1,087 posts, read 1,777,642 times
Reputation: 1527
Quote:
Originally Posted by believe007 View Post
Something tells me you walk through life wearing rose tinted glasses, or you've never been stabbed in the back. Either way, maybe you just can't relate to what the Op's thread is about
I find this kind mean spirited attitude very common in Generation Y, playing mind games, subtly provoking arguments, and outwardly acting friendly but looking to backstab - me being mid 30s.
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Old 11-09-2011, 12:41 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,199 posts, read 20,929,086 times
Reputation: 22134
I think we all have our best interests at heart in the end. It's our survival instinct. The only people that I would say would possibly put my survival above theirs are my mom and my husband (depending on the situation).

That being said - we all have our faults. Every single person on this planet has flaws. I see them in my friends and loved ones - but in most cases, I just accept them. If it's something I can't accept - I start distancing myself from that person. My closest friends and loved ones may be flawed - but I know they love me and I know that they are going to be there for me when I need them.

If I felt that my friends were constantly judging me, being competitive with me, etc. - they probably wouldn't be my friends or I wouldn't see them as often as I would my other friends. I don't know - maybe I'm just really lucky - but I feel like I'm surrounded by people that make my life better instead of make my life worse.

I'm in my mid 30's, too. I though we were generation X? Am I wrong?
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