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Assuming this is a correct view - how do we handle it, you can't cut everyone out of your life - Therefore is it better to just main an outward appearance of being friendly, almost acting dumb to others manipulations, tell NO ONE any personal business and just set goals and work toward this.
Frankly, I only come across these types of people online. Clearly, these realities exist for people, but I guess they're in concentrated pockets I wouldn't be privy to if not for online sharing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikeyking
but here is what really annoys me - Naive, soft minded people who just won't accept that some people are just evil, calculating, clever and conniving - always making excuses, not putting together the pattern of their behaviour
I'm not sure how you're any different than the folk you're complaining about with the insults.
Speaking as a person who has known this for a long time, I gave up on trusting any family members with personal information about myself. Family, more than anyone else has stabbed me in the back, as you put it. Not only stabbed me in the back, but actually tried to sabotage every effort I made at making progress in my life. So the interesting thing is once you recognize exactly who is for you, and not against you, then you can open up a little.
Workplace is the worst place for this artificial niceness; wolves in sheep's clothing--I'm glad I don't have to tolerate that b.s. anymore
Maybe this is why I'm more in to being kind of a loner
Yes I agree. But its not your family, or workplace, its more human nature or a society wide thing.
Check out the The Trap documentary series particularly F** k You Buddy - its all about Game Theory - that all humans were inherently suspicious and selfish creatures that strategised constantly, watching other people and calculating, and change there behavior based on the scenario. Its a sort of cynical view of the world but perhaps realistic.
Agree about the NOT PUTTING TOGETHER the PATTERN thing. Which isn't the same as stereotyping or judging (esp without full knowldege and pespective).
Yeah often people look at their own lives, their own workplace, or family, or relationship - - thinking there is only problems in their life, that their problems are unique, or the people they know are worse than others, or their an especially bad person, or just get into arguments a lot.
- and don't see the overall pattern all around them in our society- in any situation where people get together workplace, family etc people are always looking to gain advantage, and most problems are a of result of people trying to gain advantage.
We can try to deny the reality of this, but this is they situation in every family, workplace, business relationship and even marriage.
My point on the original post was that - now people are more passive aggressive and manipulative with an outward appearance of being friendly.
Yeah often people look at their own lives, their own workplace, or family, or relationship - - thinking there is only problems in their life, that their problems are unique, or the people they know are worse than others, or their an especially bad person, or just get into arguments a lot.
- and don't see the overall pattern all around them in our society- in any situation where people get together workplace, family etc people are always looking to gain advantage, and most problems are a of result of people trying to gain advantage.
We can try to deny the reality of this, but this is they situation in every family, workplace, business relationship and even marriage.
My point on the original post was that - now people are more passive aggressive and manipulative with an outward appearance of being friendly.
Will you list some of these advantages, and what, if any, problem there is with the advantage? The latter part of the question is proposed because just about everything can be looked as an advantage. My not smashing my face into the pillow at night so that I can breath is taking an advantaged position, for example. Where does the passive/aggressive manipulation come into play in marriages, workplace, etc?
There is a person in my life that has been a source of irritation for over 28 years - my wife - or shall I say my estranged and close spouse ...It is a case of loyality - after all this time she has not figured out that it is unecceptable to have a close relationship with people that hate her husband and wish me harm...You would think that this woman would have figured out that this type of behaviour is trashy...and wonders why our relationship did not breed success and prosperity... Is she toxic? I would say yes...am I judgement? Of course - what is the differenced between her and I? The answer would be a case of judgement and vision...I have very good judgement when it comes to people...she has horrifically bad judgement when it comes to people..
I will thwart and keep people out of our lives that do not do us good - She is like a fool who lowers the draw bridge to the castle and lets the rats cross in ...all the rat has to do is flater her...
Nothing wrong being judgemental..If you have good judgement ...as they say "Do not judge least ye be judged" - translated in my mind that would mean - If you are not afraid to be judged yourself - then judge....someone has to judge! You look at our failed court system...and judges do not judge - everything is policy driven - even if that policy was put in place through poor judgement.
There is a person in my life that has been a source of irritation for over 28 years - my wife - or shall I say my estranged and close spouse ...It is a case of loyality - after all this time she has not figured out that it is unecceptable to have a close relationship with people that hate her husband and wish me harm...You would think that this woman would have figured out that this type of behaviour is trashy...and wonders why our relationship did not breed success and prosperity... Is she toxic? I would say yes...am I judgement? Of course - what is the differenced between her and I? The answer would be a case of judgement and vision...I have very good judgement when it comes to people...she has horrifically bad judgement when it comes to people..
I will thwart and keep people out of our lives that do not do us good - She is like a fool who lowers the draw bridge to the castle and lets the rats cross in ...all the rat has to do is flater her...
Nothing wrong being judgemental..If you have good judgement ...as they say "Do not judge least ye be judged" - translated in my mind that would mean - If you are not afraid to be judged yourself - then judge....someone has to judge! You look at our failed court system...and judges do not judge - everything is policy driven - even if that policy was put in place through poor judgement.
There is a perfect example of people close to you - who will stay married to you despite hating you, and wanting to undermine at every step while outwardly maintaining an appearance of decency. Instead of just getting out of the relationship earlier or being supportive. Relatives and colleagues who outwardly appear supportive but secretly resent you getting anywhere.
Its an odd form of abuse and sadly very common with a lot people - inwardly your instincts tell your fighting a battle and this person does not have your interests at heart, outwardly calling the person out on their behaviour means your being argumentative or paranoid.
There is a perfect example of people close to you - who will stay married to you despite hating you, and wanting to undermine at every step while outwardly maintaining an appearance of decency. Instead of just getting out of the relationship earlier or being supportive. Relatives and colleagues who outwardly appear supportive but secretly resent you getting anywhere.
Actually, I think your post is a better example of your pov then that of Oleg's. He notes his wife being a dumb ass, naive, etc but hate? Hate is something you perceive that has not been specifically stated by Oleg. What do you think about that?
Actually, I think your post is a better example of your pov then that of Oleg's. He notes his wife being a dumb ass, naive, etc but hate? Hate is something you perceive that has not been specifically stated by Oleg. What do you think about that?
Oleg states that his (now estranged) wife insists on having close relationships with people who hate her husband and wish him harm. I think most spouses would have a big problem with that. Are these associations necessarily hateful on her part? It depends:
What isn't clear, is whether or not Oleg's wife knows that her husband could be harmed by these people and chooses to associate with them anyway (that would be a hateful act) or if she is simply naive of these dangers and trusts the wrong people (that would be a mistake).
A mistake is a whole lot easier to forgive and get past than a deliberate act of ill will would be...
Oleg states that his (now estranged) wife insists on having close relationships with people who hate her husband and wish him harm. I think most spouses would have a big problem with that. Are these associations necessarily hateful on her part? It depends:
What isn't clear, is whether or not Oleg's wife knows that her husband could be harmed by these people and chooses to associate with them anyway (that would be a hateful act) or if she is simply naive of these dangers and trusts the wrong people (that would be a mistake).
A mistake is a whole lot easier to forgive and get past than a deliberate act of ill will would be...
My point is that since it's not clear any assumptions made are really about you and not his wife. Understand?
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