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The best way to stop this treatment is to dump the people who are doing this to you. If it's family then distance yourself to whatever extent you can. You have to protect yourself and your energy. If it's friends, then float away from the friendship. No one who really has your best interests at heart will sabotage you. If they do, they are not the right person to have in your life. You will not change others, you can only change your environment in terms of who you allow to be close to you.
Learn to dump and float away. You don't have to announce it or make a scene. Just....move in another direction...quietly but surely. I've jettisoned several people out of my life over the years. It's painful but necessary because dealing with someone else's B.S. and then trying to build yourself back up is simply exhausting.
Learn to dump and float away. You don't have to announce it or make a scene. Just....move in another direction...quietly but surely. I've jettisoned several people out of my life over the years. It's painful but necessary because dealing with someone else's B.S. and then trying to build yourself back up is simply exhausting.
Yeah but what if you do announce it after a big confrontation on some drama these "friends" started, only for them to attempt contact --yet again-- months later and then they start bugging your ex bf, asking him questions about you, and so now he starts calling you and leaving a bunch of messages about these people bothering him...but you're in a good place in life in a great relationship and now all these desperate losers just won't get a ****ing life already?!
Should I get some mace or a taser?!
Quote:
Originally Posted by lottamoxie
You will not change others, you can only change your environment in terms of who you allow to be close to you.
If people call and contact you, be civil and pleasant, but don't engage and don't make plans and don't talk about the fact that you don't want contact anymore. Just don't initiate and float away. No one is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to socialize with these people. You can still act like a civil human being. If you're being civil and pleasant, then no one should whine to anyone else. And if they do...that's their problem.
Its also very apparent in the workplace - many people always looking to create problems or find problems, any ammo they can use against others, many colleagues present themselves as decent human beings, but all the time their looking for any opportunity to get other people in trouble.
Or as soon as they spot a weakness, or something your not good at they focus relentlessly on this area - All the while constantly looking for a ***** in people's armour to attack. If they have been doing a job longer than you, then they will use this to their advantage.
They might ask you how are things going - all the while there hoping for sniff of some problems, any little piece of info they can use - There just hoping for you to say everything is in a mess and your struggling.
Or perhaps steal your knowledge.
So many snakes in suits!
Last edited by mikeyking; 06-12-2012 at 12:00 PM..
Wikipedia "Frenemy" (alternately spelled "frienemy") is a portmanteau of "friend" and "enemy" that can refer to either an enemy disguised as a friend or someone who's both a friend and a rival.[1]
Keep those people at a distance. Something in you magnified their failures so they look for the flaws to convince themselves that you aren't so perfect. Sometimes your achievements and nature can hold a mirror to their face in terms of who they aren't. They are often insecure and they are trying to make you feel insecure or miserable by pointing out your faults.
If you choose not to get rid of them all together out of your life (because I firmly believe people will eventually act out and hurt you when they don't like you) then realized they are an acquaintance. Severely limit the information you tell them and keep the conversation on them and general things you do like movies or dinner.
Wikipedia "Frenemy" (alternately spelled "frienemy") is a portmanteau of "friend" and "enemy" that can refer to either an enemy disguised as a friend or someone who's both a friend and a rival.[1]
Keep those people at a distance. Something in you magnified their failures so they look for the flaws to convince themselves that you aren't so perfect. Sometimes your achievements and nature can hold a mirror to their face in terms of who they aren't. They are often insecure and they are trying to make you feel insecure or miserable by pointing out your faults.
If you choose not to get rid of them all together out of your life (because I firmly believe people will eventually act out and hurt you when they don't like you) then realized they are an acquaintance. Severely limit the information you tell them and keep the conversation on them and general things you do like movies or dinner.
Good luck with your hater.
It feels like everyone is a frenemy these days waiting for their moment to turn on you, or has an axe to grind about something, or dislikes you for some unknown reason, acts friendly and then waits for there moment, or is full subtle insults, digs, generally competitive with you, dirty looks - what has happened to the world.
I think there is something wrong with our society when you so many people on this board can't trust family members, friends, workmaes - there is an epidemic of this type of covert aggressive behaviour out there
I've noticed that older people (50+) frequently put on a show that they are saints while blaming the younger generations for everything bad in modern society ... the blame they dump onto younger generations exposes their hypocrisy.
The passive-sadistic frenemy problem in the workplace, family, and friend circle is because the older generation didn't teach their children manners or virtues nor did they demonstrate ethical values and manners. They demonstrated hypocrisy hence our problem today.
The older generation have entitled themselves to superiority without having to demonstrate anything (they talk the talk but they don't walk); they believe that because they are older they are above the younger generations. If people aren't treated as equals then people are going to get resentful and vindictive.
I live with an older person (50+) who acts like an agitated teenager. Not only does he act this way without shame or guilt he is very proud of it. He brags and boasts and acts generally as a know-it-all teenager at best and a spoiled 5 year old brat at worst. In addition to all that I've known many 50+ year olds who are formally educated and work as supervisors and therefore are expected to live up to much higher standards of conduct and ethics but they do not; they live down to hypocrisy on a frequent basis and set awful standards for the younger generation to follow.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikeyking
It feels like everyone is a frenemy these days waiting for their moment to turn on you, or has an axe to grind about something, or dislikes you for some unknown reason, acts friendly and then waits for there moment, or is full subtle insults, digs, generally competitive with you, dirty looks - what has happened to the world.
I think there is something wrong with our society when you so many people on this board can't trust family members, friends, workmaes - there is an epidemic of this type of covert aggressive behaviour out there
The passive-sadistic frenemy problem in the workplace, family, and friend circle is because the older generation didn't teach their children manners or virtues nor did they demonstrate ethical values and manners. They demonstrated hypocrisy hence our problem today.
Really, I just thought it was because they were psychotic.
I can tell you that it's always been this way. As a 20 yr old I saw hypocrisy in the "older generation" (older meaning 45 and up). And now I'm one of those "older" ones you refer to and let me tell you...this ain't nothin new. Not in the least.
Every "older" generation is considered at fault. Every "young" generation is looked at as being entitled and spoiled, at least to some extent.
Passive/aggressiveness and "frenemies" wasn't invented with the current crop of 50-somethings. It's been going on for as long as man has studied psychology and paid attention. It was certainly in play when I was in Jr. High, High School, college, and beyond. Kids have been bullied, girls have done the "mean girl" thing far longer than you can possibly imagine. All that's changed is there's more technology so it's easier to avoid face-to-face confrontations and be even more subversive (and passive!).
I was taught manners and decorum but not everyone my age (or older) was. It's not generational as much as socio-economic and whether there's an intact family or not. But people still do rude things, people still hurt each other, people still are petty...at all ages, I assure you.
The passive-sadistic frenemy problem in the workplace, family, and friend circle is because the older generation didn't teach their children manners or virtues nor did they demonstrate ethical values and manners. They demonstrated hypocrisy hence our problem today.
.
I am starting to believe that "there is no such thing as society" - where under the fascade of organisations, families, friends, society - it really is just every man or women for him or herself.
Its just we live in such two faced society, where people pretend to have morals, core beliefs - but for the most part their always working in their self interest and changing their behaviors and views based on the scenario- even in there close relationships.
Some people are comfortable in this two faced approach to life, and play this frenemy game for most of their lives -
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