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Old 06-13-2012, 10:13 PM
 
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I do not allow other's to bring negative to my door. Like a previous poster said, car problems/toilet clogging/dog puking on the carpet problems are stressful, but not deal breakers. The ones who are perpetually negative and who find ugliness in everything, get an immediate cut from my life.

When I let go, I let go completely.
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Old 06-19-2012, 08:47 PM
 
Location: Richfield, idaho
97 posts, read 146,324 times
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Well you got to think of the culture youre right for today but when and where he grew up the man "knew" what was right sand acted on it (Uhm maybe that is why the country is still so f'd up?) and for us kids -well we grew up with the sayings "children are to be seen and not heard, honor your parents, don't speak back".....etc etc and it is hard to break habits. But don't worry about my sisters they are highly independent women. we all say "yes papi" and do what we think is right -the traditional way of dealing with parental advice. LOL
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Old 06-22-2012, 03:25 PM
 
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Just taken over part of a colleague's job while they are away for a while- when doing the handover they were as unhelpful as possible, rude and generally trying to knock you down at every chance - and using any opportunity to show their superiority in doing their tasks they have been doing for years, and you have been doing for a 3 or 4 days, and attacking you for being slow at it.

I get the distinct feeling their praying for me to fail - not sure if its job insecurity, and their trying protect their patch, or there like this all the time.

But this very common in the workplace - colleagues all around you praying for you to fail
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Old 06-24-2012, 04:06 AM
 
1,087 posts, read 1,775,591 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by believe007 View Post
Speaking as a person who has known this for a long time, I gave up on trusting any family members with personal information about myself. Family, more than anyone else has stabbed me in the back, as you put it. Not only stabbed me in the back, but actually tried to sabotage every effort I made at making progress in my life. So the interesting thing is once you recognize exactly who is for you, and not against you, then you can open up a little.
Workplace is the worst place for this artificial niceness; wolves in sheep's clothing--I'm glad I don't have to tolerate that b.s. anymore
Maybe this is why I'm more in to being kind of a loner

Thank you someone who can see it, artificial niceness/BS is what is happening everywhere. Under the surface there is much more covert aggression
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Old 06-24-2012, 07:41 AM
 
7,970 posts, read 11,613,016 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mikeyking View Post
I don't know if its just me - but here is one thing I have noticed for most of my life - We live in Society which is outwardly friendly, democratic and people are pleasant to your face.

But peer below the facade - in every workplace, family and relationship its passive aggression, judgmental, and busy bodies who outwardly play the game of being a concerned and "nice" person - but you soon realize its a tactics to know your business and gain advantage. Perhaps another way to look at is that we all in competition with each other - even siblings, spouses and parents.

We see some 50 Per cent of Marriages which end in Divorce, many more are simply relationships of convenience - In fact many relationships are simply economic unions to further the objectives of both the people in the relationship. We have life long wars between siblings, so called friends and colleagues in every workplace who will backstab if they can get any dirt on you, all the while maintaining an outward appearance of being friendly.

We even have people who claim to have political opinions or religious views but many times when you get below the surface these are just looking to gain advantage in some way, or they act in their own self interest whilst claiming moral superiority. We have every workplace full of people who claim they would do anything for the company but when you get below all this - its really about a paycheque.

You can call it paranoia or assuming the worst in others - but i think there is an element of denying the reality of the just the sort of society we live in - There is only self interest at the core of people's behaviour no matter what they say.

Assuming this is a correct view - how do we handle it, you can't cut everyone out of your life - Therefore is it better to just main an outward appearance of being friendly, almost acting dumb to others manipulations, tell NO ONE any personal business and just set goals and work toward this.
My first thought...yes people suck! <grin>

Yes, people are basically self-interested. They manipulate and try to control to get what they want even if not consciously or in small ways as well as big ones.

So rather than say this is 'society' the blame lays on all of us as the individual human animal. It is people. This is not some modern or US/western societal construct at fault.

What seems like this societal judging is necessary - it is exactly the thing that keeps us all from acting as totally selfish sh**s. Because through some societal discourse we have agreed as a group that selfish behavior is frowned on. These evolving social mores are usually what keeps society improving. Whaat led to the idea that child labor is wrong for example. Judging keeps that selfish behavior in check even if its is still there at the core, at least theoretically.
Of course individuals and particularly groups can take the.... enforcement or judging too far. This tends to result in bigotry, racism, fanaticism.

I do agree with you and believe that the wrongness of being selfish, fanatical, greedy and just plain wanting to do whatever you want however you want is under assault and that it is a huge problem. There seems to be a bit of a cult growing about it being totally ok, even desirable, to be out for yourself and everything you can get. It gets camouflaged in a democracy flag under the guise of capitalism but it's still all about 'its ok to do and be out for yourself and screw anyone you don't agree with'. The Rights fascination with Ayn Rand is part of this. What people are currently calling Libertarinism seems to have an element of this. A nice theory, and like communism it could be beautiful if people weren't so self-interested.

As to your last paragraph, I have wondered this myself. It gets very tiring and lonely to constantly present a blank face. I think the answer is to

Encourage detailed exploratory analytical discussion of issues (unlike what we get on TV) and civility and community, agreeing to disagree - humans can't afford to withdraw into little conclaves of fantatics that think just like us, bad things tend to end up happening there.

Grow a thicker skin - put your ideas out there, if you get judged as a judgypants, think, is there anything valid there? Did I overstep? If there is a kernal of truth, take it on board and let the rest slide.

Don't be afraid to 'judge' others. And before anyone jumps on me! I mean judge in a positive sense - constructive criticism or advice are similar. If someone is doing something stupid...or selfish...or hypocritical...whatever you have to call them on it. Me, You, Us.....we can't see ourselves. It requires others to help us self-correct. No one likes to be criticized for every little thing. But do you really want people to stop telling you if you are making mistakes? Mistakes that are screwing up your life or even the better person they know you want to be? Yea you might get called judgypants for telling someone that you think that XX is wrong. Judging is currently a dirty word but we need some of that and if necessary remind people of that. It is one of the ways that we learn.
Say someone is leaving their dog in a hot car. You go out of your way to inform them in the least judgemental way you can think of that is wrong. Many times they will still think you are judging them because it makes them feel like you are saying they don't care for their dog. But they quit doing it (hopefully) and hopefully learn that a car heats up much faster than they thought and that dogs don't sweat like humans. Did they feel judged? Yes. Was it necessary to educate them? Yes. Will some of those people still resent it and think you are a judgypants? Yes. Can we stop informing people? No.

Part of the human experience is squabbling, disagreeing, fighting unfortunately. Being able to accept that and the people you are involved doing it with is a struggle. Stepping back from that struggle is a mistake.
I guess basically I'm saying you can't give up.

All of this I really struggle with, including yes taking my own advice.

Good thread.
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Old 06-24-2012, 11:26 AM
 
1,523 posts, read 1,656,433 times
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There are no people like that in my life. I cut ties with folks who try to bring negative to my door.
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Old 06-24-2012, 03:18 PM
 
3,279 posts, read 6,578,144 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mikeyking View Post
Thank you someone who can see it, artificial niceness/BS is what is happening everywhere. Under the surface there is much more covert aggression
There are exceptions, but generally speaking, I have found that there are two kinds of people in this world: those that hate you to your face and those that hate you behind your back.

I can't tell you how many times I have encountered "friends of the family," co-workers, etc. who act friendly to your face but badmouth you as soon as you leave the room.

I'll tell you what has really made me dislike people lately. When I was unemployed a couple of years ago (through no fault of my own!!), I had "concerned" family members and "friends of the family" taking jabs at me every chance they got, calling me "lazy," "not trying hard enough," etc. One of these a-holes compared drawing unemployment to being on welfare and said I should go work at McDonald's. Another one asked me to my face "well, how do you pay your bills if you don't have a job?" I was only out of work for 6 months, but I was treated like I was some bum who had been on public assistance all of his life.

People really get off on bashing those who are going through hard times. Anything to kick a man while he is down, it makes me sick.

Last edited by statisticsnerd; 06-24-2012 at 03:31 PM..
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Old 06-24-2012, 10:45 PM
 
Location: Earth
24,639 posts, read 24,756,129 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikake View Post
There are no people like that in my life. I cut ties with folks who try to bring negative to my door.
I know. That's because you understand that you control your life.

Sometimes I think likes attract.
Negative people, family or not, are sent packing.

Life is short, we choose our friends.
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Old 06-24-2012, 10:46 PM
 
Location: Earth
24,639 posts, read 24,756,129 times
Reputation: 11318
Quote:
Originally Posted by statisticsnerd View Post
There are exceptions, but generally speaking, I have found that there are two kinds of people in this world: those that hate you to your face and those that hate you behind your back.

I can't tell you how many times I have encountered "friends of the family," co-workers, etc. who act friendly to your face but badmouth you as soon as you leave the room.

I'll tell you what has really made me dislike people lately. When I was unemployed a couple of years ago (through no fault of my own!!), I had "concerned" family members and "friends of the family" taking jabs at me every chance they got, calling me "lazy," "not trying hard enough," etc. One of these a-holes compared drawing unemployment to being on welfare and said I should go work at McDonald's. Another one asked me to my face "well, how do you pay your bills if you don't have a job?" I was only out of work for 6 months, but I was treated like I was some bum who had been on public assistance all of his life.

People really get off on bashing those who are going through hard times. Anything to kick a man while he is down, it makes me sick.
Wow.

Your experience is certainly not like mine.
You need new friends.
People are not generally like that, especially friends.
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Old 07-07-2012, 06:42 PM
 
1,087 posts, read 1,775,591 times
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In my experience many people, they are always angling to find your weakness - Once they have this they look to lord it over you, be it money, intelligence, insecurities, career, looks, or anything people are constantly trying to find a weakness no matter what they say, always looking for a ***** in you armour

For example you might have someone who is good looking, then other people assume their are stupid, but perhaps they are both attractive and intelligent - this creates annoyance because there struggling to find a weakness.

Example - Someone lords it over you about having more money - then you have more money than them, and they try to find another weakness.

Life is a constant game of oneupmanship in every area. The key is to be strong in all areas.

Perhaps its better to pretend to have a weakness, like your an alcoholic or something - then people feel sorry for you and back off.
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