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Old 09-28-2011, 06:58 PM
 
984 posts, read 838,202 times
Reputation: 1213
Quote:
Originally Posted by fallingwater View Post
I had to rep you. I have a few members that ask the same questions. The one that really irks me is "are you still working?" almost like they are hoping you say no.
Currently in contract negotations about my job, and the length of time I staying, my boss is happy with me - now I have been talking about with colleagues - Almost daily I get people coming up to me saying "how long are staying for" "when is your last day".... I decided to stay another month or two as I need to relocate, and it will be easier to find a job when relocated rather than by email - then I got parents going "are your only getting another month" - when you try to explain to them about relocating, they just brush it off.

I am sort - why all this focus on me - I am not managing director of the company - don't you have anything better focus and discuss my business...

I think there are many people out there who are in jobs are not going so well, who will PRETEND that everthing is going brilliantly, and they love it.

They simply want to see you out of job - they are sort of projecting their fears on to you.

I am SO much more career focussed now! I will make it my mission not to let these people win.
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Old 09-28-2011, 07:16 PM
 
Location: The Middle
5,229 posts, read 7,767,658 times
Reputation: 6588
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikeyking View Post
Currently in contract negotations about my job, and the length of time I staying, my boss is happy with me - now I have been talking about with colleagues - Almost daily I get people coming up to me saying "how long are staying for" "when is your last day".... I decided to stay another month or two as I need to relocate, and it will be easier to find a job when relocated rather than by email - then I got parents going "are your only getting another month" - when you try to explain to them about relocating, they just brush it off.

I am sort - why all this focus on me - I am not managing director of the company - don't you have anything better focus and discuss my business...

I think there are many people out there who are in jobs are not going so well, who will PRETEND that everthing is going brilliantly, and they love it.

They simply want to see you out of job - they are sort of projecting their fears on to you.

I am SO much more career focussed now! I will make it my mission not to let these people win.
My husband is union and was under negotiations a few months ago. It was very stressful for us. Hubby slipped up and told his father. The excitement in his father's voice almost seemed like he was hoping his son would be out of a job. I would like to think I am wrong but after 20 yrs knowing his family, nope. They are probably the most negative people I have ever met and trust me that is major compared to my own.
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Old 09-28-2011, 07:22 PM
 
Location: Pa
33,081 posts, read 18,957,398 times
Reputation: 17564
Heck yeah! I hate negative people!! My mother is Queen of the negatives! Usually I stay away from her when she isn't being helpful.
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Old 09-28-2011, 07:29 PM
 
984 posts, read 838,202 times
Reputation: 1213
Quote:
Originally Posted by fallingwater View Post
My husband is union and was under negotiations a few months ago. It was very stressful for us. Hubby slipped up and told his father. The excitement in his father's voice almost seemed like he was hoping his son would be out of a job. I would like to think I am wrong but after 20 yrs knowing his family, nope. They are probably the most negative people I have ever met and trust me that is major compared to my own.

I don't think your its all in your mind - its a common mindset - even from spouses, siblings - we let down are guard with these people because we think they have our interests at heart. In reality they are no different to the colleague you see at work everyday, and don't totally trust.

But often there not showing their true self, and just being nice to your face - while often their just very cynical, calculating and mean under the surface.

Last edited by mikeyking; 09-28-2011 at 07:30 PM.. Reason: update
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Old 09-28-2011, 09:26 PM
 
2,597 posts, read 3,726,766 times
Reputation: 2781
Oh yeah. One "friend," in the middle of a supposedly supportive email about my unemployment and anxiety, turned her email into a lecture of how her financial problems are so much worse than I can ever imagine, and how I never put "her needs on the front burner, while I was happily employed." That was in response to my email saying that I was trying to figure out the best way to network and get people to respond. This is someone I haven't seen in months.

Great. I needed that lecture like I need a third leg and a tail.

I handled it really well, not escalating, and just responding that I haven't been "happily" employed, just employed for part of the last 10 years, and I care about my friends whether I'm employed or not.

With friends like this....
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Old 09-28-2011, 09:32 PM
 
Location: The Middle
5,229 posts, read 7,767,658 times
Reputation: 6588
Quote:
Originally Posted by lottamoxie View Post
Oh yeah. One "friend," in the middle of a supposedly supportive email about my unemployment and anxiety, turned her email into a lecture of how her financial problems are so much worse than I can ever imagine, and how I never put "her needs on the front burner, while I was happily employed." That was in response to my email saying that I was trying to figure out the best way to network and get people to respond. This is someone I haven't seen in months.

Great. I needed that lecture like I need a third leg and a tail.

I handled it really well, not escalating, and just responding that I haven't been "happily" employed, just employed for part of the last 10 years, and I care about my friends whether I'm employed or not.

With friends like this....
Oh boy...I had a friend like that. The thing is I didn't realize how she really was until I needed the shoulder to cry on. It really is hard to find people that generally care about others.
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Old 09-28-2011, 10:03 PM
 
Location: The Middle
5,229 posts, read 7,767,658 times
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Well OP I want to thank you again for starting this thread. I have been responding back and forth for the past couple of hours totally relating to what everyone is saying on this thread. Then I decided to check my email and was stunned by the most recent message. It was from my niece asking me if I was mad at her and if I was she wants to apologize for whatever she has done.

I called her. She said her mother (my sister) has been telling her for the past couple of months that I am pissed at her and don't want to speak to her at all. WTH? I assured my niece I was not mad about anything. She and I have a decent relationship and have no idea where this is coming from....oh wait...yes I do. Its the same BS I have dealt with for years.

My sister is 10 yrs older than me and pretty much since my birth has disliked me. I infringed upon her only child status. So Sorry!. I have been told for years by my sister that my parents like me more or some other nonsense. This kills me because she is so volatile they kiss her rear end all the time! When my sister had her daughter I sensed the jealousy then. My niece took to me right away and that bugged my sister. When my niece was small, she used to tell my niece I didn't want to be around them. I moved out of state a few years ago and have had limited contact with my sister, but recently our father under went major surgery and has some health problems. I have been traveling home to see him and well everyone else. After a few peaceful years, I started spending time with my sister again because of the situation with my father. Sometimes its an okay visit and other times she becomes hostile for no reason. Like one time we went to lunch and she actually brought up how I got better christmas presents than her when we were kids. She is almost 50 yrs old. Umm...time to freaking get over it!

So because I have let her back into my life somewhat, its right back to the same old BS. Why in the world would you tell your own kid, that someone doesn't like them? Thankfully my niece is now an adult and even told me she can't take her mom anymore. They only talk once a month. So of course if my sister gets wind that her daughter and I are conversing, she has to put a bullet in it. My niece is starting to distance herself from her mother. Its sad but I understand it. I assured my niece I was not mad about anything and if she is ever unsure to simply ask me. My sister is on her 4th divorce and well that means everyone should feel sorry for her and call her constantly. If you don't, then you don't care. No one cares about her..OMG its endless. Now she is trying to drive a wedge between her daughter and I.

Unreal.
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Old 09-28-2011, 10:11 PM
 
2,597 posts, read 3,726,766 times
Reputation: 2781
Ah yes, crazy families.

Got that too.

Unless I call my aunt, she tells her sister, my mother, that she thinks I'm 'mad' at her. The woman rarely picks up the phone and calls me. Same with my mother. It is my job (according to them) to do the calling 99% of the time. But when I do call (my mother, in particular), she's either napping or watching some cable news show, or out to lunch, or napping (she sleeps more than she's awake) or it's dinner time....

There is no winning, ever.
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Old 09-28-2011, 10:21 PM
 
1,846 posts, read 1,438,622 times
Reputation: 2443
I believe WE all have certain people that do this, I try and be an optimist in thinking that they have good intentiones but do not know how to express them correctly however the older I get the less tolerant I am...

So I have this theory....
Those whom have alot, their life seems perfect or so they would like you to believe, the great husband, great kids...ect...
Are always complaining about something trivial until this gets old and then they start on you...why aren't you married again? Is it not time? You are not getting any younger? Why do you not pursue a new field of work? Is it not exhausting dealing with "those" people?

Yet I am happy, I am willing to wait for the right guy, I have what I need and then some, I have my freedom to do as I wish, my son is older and I have alot of me time these days...I love to volunteer where I work it makes me feel good... I love my job, sorry that you never aspired to do much more or give back...

I honestly feel if "these" people put this much effort and time into being productive instead of focusing all of this negative energy they may find peace of mind and happiness as well..

My way of curbing these behaviors? Is by addressing them kindly, thanking them for their concern and then shifting the focus on their lives...
redirection works wonders...
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Old 09-28-2011, 10:26 PM
 
Location: The Middle
5,229 posts, read 7,767,658 times
Reputation: 6588
Quote:
Originally Posted by dr74 View Post
I believe WE all have certain people that do this, I try and be an optimist in thinking that they have good intentiones but do not know how to express them correctly however the older I get the less tolerant I am...

So I have this theory....
Those whom have alot, their life seems perfect or so they would like you to believe, the great husband, great kids...ect...
Are always complaining about something trivial until this gets old and then they start on you...why aren't you married again? Is it not time? You are not getting any younger? Why do you not pursue a new field of work? Is it not exhausting dealing with "those" people?

Yet I am happy, I am willing to wait for the right guy, I have what I need and then some, I have my freedom to do as I wish, my son is older and I have alot of me time these days...I love to volunteer where I work it makes me feel good... I love my job, sorry that you never aspired to do much more or give back...

I honestly feel if "these" people put this much effort and time into being productive instead of focusing all of this negative energy they may find peace of mind and happiness as well..

My way of curbing these behaviors? Is by addressing them kindly, thanking them for their concern and then shifting the focus on their lives...
redirection works wonders...
good point.
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