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Old 10-24-2011, 02:51 PM
 
984 posts, read 838,202 times
Reputation: 1213
Quote:
Originally Posted by Osito View Post
What I love are the ones who have so much to say about how useless my future degree is. If I asked them, it'd be one thing, but people have the gall to tell me that my degree is useless/my field is going nowhere. I would never do something like that without being asked of my opinion, but maybe that's just me. What's wrong with people???!
I don't know, there is no shortage of people these willing to give you career advice - and they always apply their own situation to other people they can't see beyond themselves.

Actually I know a few people like that - always going around talking down their nose to people about career and money.

I once turned around said - "i have been listening to your arrogance about your career, and how you will earn in the future for the last 10 years" 10 years later you don't even own a property, you drive a tiny car, you earn an average salary, so where is all this money?"

"Why are you not running your own business employing loads of people, or have invented something, in fact why are you not a millionaire" You haven't even managed to get on the property ladder - when are you going to waken up an smell the coffee

We live in a society of people who talk the talk, but cannot walk the walk - who believe that talk, pretense and large amounts of arrogance and self delusion is the way to live.
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Old 10-24-2011, 05:37 PM
 
Location: Old Town Alexandria
14,444 posts, read 15,446,671 times
Reputation: 8474
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikeyking View Post
Here is one trait I notice - and this applies to Family and Friends - I guess we are all gulity of it - but some people spend their whole life engaged in this.

You point out successes your life- or just things your passionate or interested in - and they will brush over it as not important

They are constantly trying to find out your weak spot, your fault, something, or what your not good at. They will try to remind you of faults from many years ago - and focus your mind totally on all your problems/faults etc.

They will talk to you acting friendly - but all the while they are fishing for problems, weaknesses or a thing they can use against you. Always scheming for some minor advantage over you.

There are trying to pigeon hole you in some negative way - to define you as this or that. I see it as a tactic to weaken your resolve so you don't focus on your strengths.

Most people I meet these days - Their entire outlook is based on envy and competition. They secretly delight in seeing others lose their job while acting concerned, they like create problems between you and your partner - there basic outlook on life is when you are having problems - it makes them happier.

I appreciate this sounds extreme but its the way I see it.
OP this is called verbal abuse...it may be covert...i.e..."well, what job are you doing now " (relatives) or why didnt you get an "A" instead of a "B" are you stupid........

I grew up hearing it. Its a red flag and as soon as I am around some1 like that Im done.

Growing Beyond Emotional Abuse - Resources for Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse

also yes neighbors enjoy gossip and I have no use for it. Its a big reason I dont use FB...
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Old 10-24-2011, 10:01 PM
 
984 posts, read 838,202 times
Reputation: 1213
Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamofmonterey View Post
OP this is called verbal abuse...it may be covert...i.e..."well, what job are you doing now " (relatives) or why didnt you get an "A" instead of a "B" are you stupid........

I grew up hearing it. Its a red flag and as soon as I am around some1 like that Im done.

Growing Beyond Emotional Abuse - Resources for Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse

also yes neighbors enjoy gossip and I have no use for it. Its a big reason I dont use FB...
As you say this might happen when your growing up...

the problem is people have just accepted abuse as part of their daily lives, from bosses, spouses etc.

I don't think its a case of ignoring people like this, you just have take them at any point they choose to behave like this.
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Old 10-24-2011, 10:17 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
8,986 posts, read 4,635,485 times
Reputation: 12632
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikeyking View Post
There are just far too many haters these days - always looking for some reason to dislike or hate others - express an opinion on anything they hate for that, be happy about anything, always looking to crush your dreams, and make you unhappy - always trying to tell you they know better.

I feel its only by discussing this on forums, its the only way to make sense of the sheer amount of soul crushing, jealous people out there who seek to drain others - therefore we should numb ourselves to these types and maintain your good attitude and positivity and get sucked into their negative miserable little world.
No. You just don't give people like this any power in your life. If I meet someone who bares me ill will, they no longer matter to me. Period. It' s just another tormented soul we run across who deserves a certain degree of pity for their petty competitions/jealousy.
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Old 10-25-2011, 12:27 AM
 
39 posts, read 20,236 times
Reputation: 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikeyking View Post
Here is one trait I notice - and this applies to Family and Friends - I guess we are all gulity of it - but some people spend their whole life engaged in this.

You point out successes your life- or just things your passionate or interested in - and they will brush over it as not important

They are constantly trying to find out your weak spot, your fault, something, or what your not good at. They will try to remind you of faults from many years ago - and focus your mind totally on all your problems/faults etc.

They will talk to you acting friendly - but all the while they are fishing for problems, weaknesses or a thing they can use against you. Always scheming for some minor advantage over you.

There are trying to pigeon hole you in some negative way - to define you as this or that. I see it as a tactic to weaken your resolve so you don't focus on your strengths.

Most people I meet these days - Their entire outlook is based on envy and competition. They secretly delight in seeing others lose their job while acting concerned, they like create problems between you and your partner - there basic outlook on life is when you are having problems - it makes them happier.

I appreciate this sounds extreme but its the way I see it.
There have always been people like that. Nothing else you can do but stay strong. You don't need to prove yourself to anyone.

It's unfortunate if your family has the same mentality. It's terrible if you can associate those qualities with someone you can call a 'friend'.
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Old 10-26-2011, 10:05 AM
 
2,597 posts, read 3,726,766 times
Reputation: 2781
I grew up with emotional abuse and received it well into my 30s and 40s, to a lesser degree.

I've also had a few friends (so-called friends) project their issues, blame me, and then suddenly end the friendship. I've gotten whiplash a few times from such people, that's how sudden their crap spewed forth. Those experiences definitely made their impact.

Now, when my threshold is met (and it's pretty low, I admit) I back away and then stay away. Everyone has baggage of one kind or another; if you've lived on this earth for years you acquire some, but I no longer tolerate what I consider bad behavior and bullying.
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Old 10-26-2011, 10:06 AM
 
Location: southern california
49,282 posts, read 45,802,045 times
Reputation: 40368
yes all the time, but people call me paranoid.
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Old 10-26-2011, 10:42 AM
 
984 posts, read 838,202 times
Reputation: 1213
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948 View Post
yes all the time, but people call me paranoid.
Yep I get called paranoid as well - but the older the get I think there is a such thing as good paranoia - perhaps its your instincts telling you something.

Its not about people being out to get you specifically - its more about people ALWAYS working in there self interest under fascade of being a nice person - and if they can see a problem, or something to use against you then they will when the time is right.
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Old 10-26-2011, 01:36 PM
 
984 posts, read 838,202 times
Reputation: 1213
Quote:
Originally Posted by therock2814 View Post
Yeah this mentality is pretty common these days. It's a culture of negativity. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.It can be annoyingSo what do you all do about it? Avoid or ignore these types of people? Do you downplay your success? Do you ignore snide remarks or hit them harder with a remark of your own?

Its so obvious to see - there are SO many around you that simply want you fail.

The Challenge in life is rise to above all the begrudgers, moaners, the doubters, the naysayer - and not sucked into their world - don't let them get to you.
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Old 11-09-2011, 05:23 AM
 
984 posts, read 838,202 times
Reputation: 1213
Default Busybodies, Judgemental, competitive, passive aggressive and other toxic people in your life

I don't know if its just me - but here is one thing I have noticed for most of my life - We live in Society which is outwardly friendly, democratic and people are pleasant to your face.

But peer below the facade - in every workplace, family and relationship its passive aggression, judgmental, and busy bodies who outwardly play the game of being a concerned and "nice" person - but you soon realize its a tactics to know your business and gain advantage. Perhaps another way to look at is that we all in competition with each other - even siblings, spouses and parents.

We see some 50 Per cent of Marriages which end in Divorce, many more are simply relationships of convenience - In fact many relationships are simply economic unions to further the objectives of both the people in the relationship. We have life long wars between siblings, so called friends and colleagues in every workplace who will backstab if they can get any dirt on you, all the while maintaining an outward appearance of being friendly.

We even have people who claim to have political opinions or religious views but many times when you get below the surface these are just looking to gain advantage in some way, or they act in their own self interest whilst claiming moral superiority. We have every workplace full of people who claim they would do anything for the company but when you get below all this - its really about a paycheque.

You can call it paranoia or assuming the worst in others - but i think there is an element of denying the reality of the just the sort of society we live in - There is only self interest at the core of people's behaviour no matter what they say.

Assuming this is a correct view - how do we handle it, you can't cut everyone out of your life - Therefore is it better to just main an outward appearance of being friendly, almost acting dumb to others manipulations, tell NO ONE any personal business and just set goals and work toward this.

Last edited by mikeyking; 11-09-2011 at 06:26 AM..
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