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Old 11-09-2011, 05:35 AM
 
Location: Florida
2,291 posts, read 4,928,356 times
Reputation: 5236

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I tell people only what I want them to know, that includes family. My business is my business. My mother tells others in the family that I don't tell her anything, she's right, why? Because she throws
everything back in my face and is very competetive when it comes to other women. She tries to pump others, however, she gets no where, they don't know anything either.

Honestly, I don't need to have the approval of others, it is not my business to worry about what they think of me and my life.

Sometimes we humans over think everything, we just can't seem to keep it simple. I have not cut anyone out of my life, I just manage my life to fit my needs.
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Old 11-09-2011, 05:40 AM
 
7,496 posts, read 9,719,084 times
Reputation: 7394
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikeyking View Post
I don't know if its just me - but here is one thing I noticed for most of my life - We live in Society which outwardly is friendly, democratic and people are pleasant to your face.

But peer below the facade - in every workplace, family and relationship its passive aggression, judgmental, and busy bodies who outwardly play the game of being a concerned and "nice" person - but you soon realize its a tactics to know your business and gain advantage. Perhaps another to look at is that we all in competition with each other - even siblings, spouses and parents.

We see some 50 Per cent of Marriages which end in Divorce, many more are simply relationships of convenience - In fact many relationships are simply economic unions to further the objectives of both the people in the relationship. We have life long wars between siblings, so called friends and colleagues in every workplace who will backstab if they can get any dirt on you all the while maintaining an outward appearance of being friendly.

We even have people who claim to have political opinions or religious views but many times when you get below the surface these are just looking to gain advantage in some way, or they act in their own self interest whilst claiming moral superiority. We have every workplace full of people who claim they would do anything for the company but when you get below all this - its really about a paycheque.

You can call it paranoia or assuming the worst in others - but i think there is an element of denying the reality of the just the sort of society we live in - There is only self interest at the core of people's behaviour no matter what they say.

Assuming this is a correct view - how do we handle it, you can't cut everyone out of your life - There is it better to just main an outward appearance of being friendly, tell NO ONE any personal business and just set goals and work toward this.
I licken toxic people to heavy machinery; handle with care, know what you're doing, and don't handle while under the influence of mood-altering substances.
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Old 11-09-2011, 05:40 AM
 
5,387 posts, read 6,502,215 times
Reputation: 4550
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikeyking View Post
I don't know if its just me - but here is one thing I noticed for most of my life - We live in Society which outwardly is friendly, democratic and people are pleasant to your face.

But peer below the facade - in every workplace, family and relationship its passive aggression, judgmental, and busy bodies who outwardly play the game of being a concerned and "nice" person - but you soon realize its a tactics to know your business and gain advantage. Perhaps another to look at is that we all in competition with each other - even siblings, spouses and parents.

We see some 50 Per cent of Marriages which end in Divorce, many more are simply relationships of convenience - In fact many relationships are simply economic unions to further the objectives of both the people in the relationship. We have life long wars between siblings, so called friends and colleagues in every workplace who will backstab if they can get any dirt on you all the while maintaining an outward appearance of being friendly.

We even have people who claim to have political opinions or religious views but many times when you get below the surface these are just looking to gain advantage in some way, or they act in their own self interest whilst claiming moral superiority. We have every workplace full of people who claim they would do anything for the company but when you get below all this - its really about a paycheque.

You can call it paranoia or assuming the worst in others - but i think there is an element of denying the reality of the just the sort of society we live in - There is only self interest at the core of people's behaviour no matter what they say.

Assuming this is a correct view - how do we handle it, you can't cut everyone out of your life - There is it better to just main an outward appearance of being friendly, tell NO ONE any personal business and just set goals and work toward this.
So true...
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Old 11-09-2011, 05:42 AM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,085 posts, read 23,803,195 times
Reputation: 17982
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikeyking View Post
Assuming this is a correct view - how do we handle it, you can't cut everyone out of your life - There is it better to just main an outward appearance of being friendly, tell NO ONE any personal business and just set goals and work toward this.
Your not going to find to many people who don't have an agenda to benefit themselves in some way, you have to accept it to a degree. Unless they're toxicity is affecting your life, Thats where I draw the line.
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Old 11-09-2011, 06:17 AM
 
Location: Heartland Florida
9,324 posts, read 23,756,356 times
Reputation: 4900
Toxic people exist to assure that the human species will never attain true happiness.
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Old 11-09-2011, 06:24 AM
 
1,087 posts, read 1,776,180 times
Reputation: 1527
Quote:
Originally Posted by virgode View Post
Your not going to find to many people who don't have an agenda to benefit themselves in some way, you have to accept it to a degree. Unless they're toxicity is affecting your life, Thats where I draw the line.
Of course people are always working to benefit themselves no would deny this, and what is wrong with that.

I just cannot bear the pretense and fakeness of our society in general - there is a sense of isolation you cannot get close to anyone or truly trust anyone- even siblings and spouses.

I'd just be happier if people were more upfront about their Real Agendas.
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Old 11-09-2011, 06:40 AM
 
Location: Back in MADISON Wi thank God!
1,047 posts, read 3,351,728 times
Reputation: 1394
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikeyking View Post
I don't know if its just me - but here is one thing I have noticed for most of my life - We live in Society which is outwardly friendly, democratic and people are pleasant to your face.

But peer below the facade - in every workplace, family and relationship its passive aggression, judgmental, and busy bodies who outwardly play the game of being a concerned and "nice" person - but you soon realize its a tactics to know your business and gain advantage. Perhaps another way to look at is that we all in competition with each other - even siblings, spouses and parents.

We see some 50 Per cent of Marriages which end in Divorce, many more are simply relationships of convenience - In fact many relationships are simply economic unions to further the objectives of both the people in the relationship. We have life long wars between siblings, so called friends and colleagues in every workplace who will backstab if they can get any dirt on you, all the while maintaining an outward appearance of being friendly.

We even have people who claim to have political opinions or religious views but many times when you get below the surface these are just looking to gain advantage in some way, or they act in their own self interest whilst claiming moral superiority. We have every workplace full of people who claim they would do anything for the company but when you get below all this - its really about a paycheque.

You can call it paranoia or assuming the worst in others - but i think there is an element of denying the reality of the just the sort of society we live in - There is only self interest at the core of people's behaviour no matter what they say.

Assuming this is a correct view - how do we handle it, you can't cut everyone out of your life - Therefore is it better to just main an outward appearance of being friendly, almost acting dumb to others manipulations, tell NO ONE any personal business and just set goals and work toward this.
I believe this to be true, with maybe a few exceptions.
Which is why I count only my husband and two or three other people as my true friends. I have made a choice to be fairly independent and contained within my very small family/ friend circle. Many people, I know, view me as cold and unfriendly, but I am not willing to participate in the phoney, political B.S. that is our society.
Otherwise, to answer your question, when faced with interacting with others, I mostly shut my mouth and play dumb as you put it.
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Old 11-09-2011, 06:55 AM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,085 posts, read 23,803,195 times
Reputation: 17982
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikeyking View Post
Of course people are always working to benefit themselves no would deny this, and what is wrong with that.

I just cannot bear the pretense and fakeness of our society in general - there is a sense of isolation you cannot get close to anyone or truly trust anyone- even siblings and spouses.

I'd just be happier if people were more upfront about their Real Agendas.
Okay, you're saying theres nothing wrong with having an agenda provided your given the heads up so you can undermine them?

How realistic is that thought?

Last edited by virgode; 11-09-2011 at 07:13 AM..
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Old 11-09-2011, 06:58 AM
 
7,335 posts, read 16,594,155 times
Reputation: 4567
A couple of things this OLD man has found out.......a lot of people who use Facebook tell almost everything they do during the day! Stuns me! Another thing I've found out is that a lot of folks will say "I'm not judgemental", but when it comes to others choosing something they don't like, they can become TOTALLY "judgemental"!

I've been called "judgemental", a "busybody", overly aggressive, etc, etc and know how I handle those critics.....I don't pay any attention to them!
I'm not an "open book", but I don't hide everything in my life either. My wife can be very different. I'm outgoing and sometimes just plain "mouthy" and that can annoy some folks........OH WELL! Some folks think I have too much of an attitude, but then I do like Garfield and Siamese cats!
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Old 11-09-2011, 06:59 AM
 
766 posts, read 1,153,807 times
Reputation: 1415
This is why I consider myself an Introvert and a "loner", and I like it that way. I told my kids, the day I die, don't bother with the expense of a funeral. My goal is that nobody would show up, because hopefully nobody knows me. I like being a "nothing nobody". It keeps life simple.
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