Do you notice more people trying to find fault/create problems/find problems in your life? (holidays, divorced)
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No. You just don't give people like this any power in your life. If I meet someone who bares me ill will, they no longer matter to me. Period. It' s just another tormented soul we run across who deserves a certain degree of pity for their petty competitions/jealousy.
Perhaps its jealousy.
I just distinctly get the feeling there are a lot of people out there you may even call relatives, friends - just waiting for something to go wrong in your life.
These people might be friendly to your face, decent - but your instincts tell you there desperate to see you fall on your face.
Your misfortune is there gain, there opportunity to get one over you - This is what gives them hope in life.
Here is one trait I notice - and this applies to Family and Friends - I guess we are all gulity of it - but some people spend their whole life engaged in this.
You point out successes your life- or just things your passionate or interested in - and they will brush over it as not important
They are constantly trying to find out your weak spot, your fault, something, or what your not good at. They will try to remind you of faults from many years ago - and focus your mind totally on all your problems/faults etc.
They will talk to you acting friendly - but all the while they are fishing for problems, weaknesses or a thing they can use against you. Always scheming for some minor advantage over you.
There are trying to pigeon hole you in some negative way - to define you as this or that. I see it as a tactic to weaken your resolve so you don't focus on your strengths.
Most people I meet these days - Their entire outlook is based on envy and competition. They secretly delight in seeing others lose their job while acting concerned, they like create problems between you and your partner - there basic outlook on life is when you are having problems - it makes them happier.
I appreciate this sounds extreme but its the way I see it.
I understand. What you are dealing with is the unholy trinity of modern life:
Laziness, Ego-mania, Jealousy. There used to be a time if a person couldn't say something supportive about the setback you're enduring, they would just keep their comments to themselves. Now they have to convince you how far you fallen and then re-tell your business to everyone in the neighborhood.
The next time I get a question like:
"Why haven't you....?" or Why aren't you...?
I will ask them why haven't you grown up yet? Why aren't you tending to your business, so you can leave mine alone?
I understand. What you are dealing with is the unholy trinity of modern life:
Laziness, Ego-mania, Jealousy. There used to be a time if a person couldn't say something supportive about the setback you're enduring, they would just keep their comments to themselves. Now they have to convince you how far you fallen and then re-tell your business to everyone in the neighborhood.
The next time I get a question like:
"Why haven't you....?" or Why aren't you...?
I will ask them why haven't you grown up yet? Why aren't you tending to your business, so you can leave mine alone?
Yes its an attack the victim culture - something goes wrong in your life, outside your control - its your fault for not being prepared.
Exactly people who ask questions in this insulting, demeaning way - just hit them back with the same treatment.
I don't know about people 'delighting' in a person losing their job, but nobody wants to hear about a person's constant accomplishments. And I don't know why that person has to be 'jealous' because they don't want to sit and listen to it day in and day out? Maybe you're not getting the reaction you wanted, so you see it as them trying to find a weak spot or refocus you somewhere else? There's really not anything more a person can say besides 'that's great,' or 'congratulations.' I dunno.
I don't know about people 'delighting' in a person losing their job, but nobody wants to hear about a person's constant accomplishments. And I don't know why that person has to be 'jealous' because they don't want to sit and listen to it day in and day out? Maybe you're not getting the reaction you wanted, so you see it as them trying to find a weak spot or refocus you somewhere else? There's really not anything more a person can say besides 'that's great,' or 'congratulations.' I dunno.
not expecting to be congratulated, or even expect anyone to listen to any success stories, not looking to make anyone jealous.
its more of underlying feeling people around that want you to fail in work, relationships, and in general. They don't want you to get anywhere, take any workplace, and you can be guaranteed your colleagues around you don't want you to do your job too well for fear of making them look bad - and thats what happening in every scenario. They would rather cut their nose to spite their face instead attempting to work together.
there is no sense of team work, community, working together - In every workplace, family, relationship it just seems to be everyone working in the own self interest - even marriages these days are more like Business partnerships
not expecting to be congratulated, or even expect anyone to listen to any success stories, not looking to make anyone jealous.
its more of underlying feeling people around that want you to fail in work, relationships, and in general. They don't want you to get anywhere, take any workplace, and you can be guaranteed your colleagues around you don't want you to do your job too well for fear of making them look bad - and thats what happening in every scenario.
there is no sense of team work, community, working together - In every workplace, family, relationship it just seems to be everyone working in the own self interest - even marriages these days are more like Business partnerships
No...I don't think you were trying to make people jealous with your accomplishments, I wondered why you assume that they are jealous. What did they say to you? Maybe it's been mentioned in previous pages....there is no sense of 'team work, community, etc.' because that's not the world we live in anymore. Everyone seem to be out for themselves, so what's good for the goose is good for the gander. People don't care about each other anymore and that's all there is to it. That's not to say everyone wants someone to lose their job or not get a promotion at work. I personally do not care if someone gets a promotion at work. I generally do not even like people but whether or not they get promoted at work doesn't make me like them any more or less. What I notice (not you in particular) is people over inflate their successes and then when you don't jump on their bandwagon, they get pissed off. I'm not interested in playing that game, so I just go on about my buisness at work. Again, that doesn't mean I am 'wishing' it all falls apart. But you must be around people that are giving you reasons to make you think they're undermining you.
Here is one trait I notice - and this applies to Family and Friends - I guess we are all gulity of it - but some people spend their whole life engaged in this.
You point out successes your life- or just things your passionate or interested in - and they will brush over it as not important
They are constantly trying to find out your weak spot, your fault, something, or what your not good at. They will try to remind you of faults from many years ago - and focus your mind totally on all your problems/faults etc.
They will talk to you acting friendly - but all the while they are fishing for problems, weaknesses or a thing they can use against you. Always scheming for some minor advantage over you.
There are trying to pigeon hole you in some negative way - to define you as this or that. I see it as a tactic to weaken your resolve so you don't focus on your strengths.
Most people I meet these days - Their entire outlook is based on envy and competition. They secretly delight in seeing others lose their job while acting concerned, they like create problems between you and your partner - there basic outlook on life is when you are having problems - it makes them happier.
I appreciate this sounds extreme but its the way I see it.
Not everyone is in "misery loves company mode" and although most of what you wrote can be true, I find that it is true mainly among family members, unfortunately. I suggest if you are having this much commotion among your friends or family that you find new friends.
I have several really close friends and the rest are acquaintences. Two of my friends have been in my life for 30 plus years or more. Yet another working on 25 years. I see them lots more than I do my own family. I was raised with all sisters, 4 of them and the jealousy level is horrible. I don't so much care what they have or don't have but when I met and married my 10 year younger than me husband the talk started and it was fierce. When we bought our beautiful home the "ugly stepsisters" called me "The Fat Rich ***** On The Hill", nice huh?
Moral to this story, I don't go near people who talk badly about me or my life nor do I have time to sort out any petty jealousies they may have. I see my friends who don't care if I were to live out of my car, they love me as is. You need new friends!
I think you are not that far from the truth. In my opinion, an overwhelming number of people don't want to hear about others' success stories because frankly it diminishes their own self-worth. Similarly, finding problems in others' lives make them feel better about their own. We are all guilty of this to some degree, myself included, but if a person constantly engages in these types of thinking and behaviors, there is a big problem. This is why so many people are unhappy.
I try my very best to stay away from the latter types because I don't want to be dragged down or backstabbed. Two summers ago, I made friend with a person just like that. Of course I didn't realize that until about a month into our friendship, by which point we were already close buddies. I felt very uncomfortable talking about myself to her, she would diminish, undermine and mock everything that I was proud of in one way or another. Meanwhile she was backstabbing me and lying which proved to be very harmful in numerous aspects (not just mentally), I won't get into details but let's just say that the repercussions lasted a whole year. Obviously, I made sure that she was out of my life and that I would not make friends with people like that ever again.
I think you are not that far from the truth. In my opinion, an overwhelming number of people don't want to hear about others' success stories because frankly it diminishes their own self-worth. Similarly, finding problems in others' lives make them feel better about their own. We are all guilty of this to some degree, myself included, but if a person constantly engages in these types of thinking and behaviors, there is a big problem. This is why so many people are unhappy.
I try my very best to stay away from the latter types because I don't want to be dragged down or backstabbed. Two summers ago, I made friend with a person just like that. Of course I didn't realize that until about a month into our friendship, by which point we were already close buddies. I felt very uncomfortable talking about myself to her, she would diminish, undermine and mock everything that I was proud of in one way or another. Meanwhile she was backstabbing me and lying which proved to be very harmful in numerous aspects (not just mentally), I won't get into details but let's just say that the repercussions lasted a whole year. Obviously, I made sure that she was out of my life and that I would not make friends with people like that ever again.
Sigh.
I notice it's important to people to point out their success stories or accomplishments or whatever to others. I don't get this and what the 'point' of it is. "Everything you are proud of" as you said and sharing it amongst the group, okay, but why is that so important to do? Apparently it serves some kind of purpose to the person that is doing it.
In a weird sort of way it reminds me of kids at the playground who hang upside on the monkey bars and say "Mom! Look at me I'm upside down!" I understand on some level why kids do it, but never understood what adults get out of doing similar.
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