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I know exactly what you mean....from my mother to coworkers to "friends", I have been underhandedly attacked by all.
SO I consequently pointed their behaviors out to them and then:
greatly reduced any time with mother up until she died; moved on to another work place and got rid of the "friend"
DONE and HAPPY. No regrets. Get rid of those who attempt to bring you down.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikeyking
Here is one trait I notice - and this applies to Family and Friends - I guess we are all gulity of it - but some people spend their whole life engaged in this.
You point out successes your life- or just things your passionate or interested in - and they will brush over it as not important
They are constantly trying to find out your weak spot, your fault, something, or what your not good at. They will try to remind you of faults from many years ago - and focus your mind totally on all your problems/faults etc.
They will talk to you acting friendly - but all the while they are fishing for problems, weaknesses or a thing they can use against you. Always scheming for some minor advantage over you.
There are trying to pigeon hole you in some negative way - to define you as this or that. I see it as a tactic to weaken your resolve so you don't focus on your strengths.
Most people I meet these days - Their entire outlook is based on envy and competition. They secretly delight in seeing others lose their job while acting concerned, they like create problems between you and your partner - there basic outlook on life is when you are having problems - it makes them happier.
I appreciate this sounds extreme but its the way I see it.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dollydo
We live in a very competitive, ego based world.
When I was growing up, my dad always told me:" You can be anything you want to be. Just
because you are a woman, doesn't mean you cannot have a successful career." Ok, so I did.
The further I moved up the ladder in my career, the more resentlful he became. WTH?
My mother is very jealous of other women, and talk about competitive! This behavior applies to
me too. I buy a new car, she buys a new car, and so on. It has gotten real old, I am so done with her issues.
A persons resolve and strengths are derived from how they feel about themselves, who do they see
when they look in the mirror, do they see a winner...or...do they see a loser. If they see a winner,
others snide remarks and petty BS won't make a difference. If they see a loser, then anything and
everything negative that is said by another will continue to erode the losers confidence and well-being.
So, to me, it is all an inside job, who do you see when you look in the mirror?
The only reason I can think of for a father to be unhappy if his daughter is successful is some deep-seated jealousy that maybe he (and maybe becaue he was a man) never attained the same success.
In the past 15 yrs I've had 2 so-called friends be jealous of me over what they perceive to be my wealth. Of course it's only later I find this out, when it comes out in some other way. Each friendship ended. Each friend (female) was struggling mightily financially.
The thing is...I'm not wealthy. I'm a saver. I don't run up debt. I have savings because I've spent less than I earn and I save. It's how I was raised. I don't have designer clothes and I live modestly and adopt the "pay yourself" rule, meaning a portion of every paycheck goes into 401K and savings. I do occasionally take a nice trip or buy myself something nice, but I save for it.
What's interesting is that you'd think these people would be jealous of really wealthy people (think: Oprah, Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, etc, etc)....but no...instead they were/are jealous of a gal who has to work full-time for a living, earns exponentially less than wealthy people, is average, at best, and isn't going to be able to retire anytime before age 70.
I don't get it. If you're going to be jealous of someone with money, wouldn't you be jealous of someone who has millions?
I know exactly what you mean....from my mother to coworkers to "friends", I have been underhandedly attacked by all.
SO I consequently pointed their behaviors out to them and then:
greatly reduced any time with mother up until she died; moved on to another work place and got rid of the "friend"
DONE and HAPPY. No regrets. Get rid of those who attempt to bring you down.
I guess when your younger - you live in a mindset of who is a friend and who is an enemy - you assume that people who outwardly act friendly and family members have your interests at heart. You assume someone who is your enemy will act aggressively toward you - but the real world has shades of grey, no comforting black and white - where the people closest to you will turn on at any moment depending on their self interests, emotions and the situation. Where people can be your friends in certain situations which it benefits them, and turn to an enemy as soon as you oppose their interests. We assume that others have some sort of fixed personality or loyalty that does not change over time, but in reality there always at some level working in their own self interest.
We are confused, outwardly we must act friendly and decent, but underneath it our instincts are pushing us in our own human nature of self interests, we still have the same aggressive, nasty tendencies, power and money grabbing - but instead of outwardly showing our aggression and power mad tendencies we disguise it in covert aggression, backstabbing, manipulation and as the original post - subtly undermining others or looking for problems to make yourself feel better
Perhaps the answer is to lose the Concept of "Friends", "Enemies" or even "family" and realise that all human beings - are just that another human being who change their emotions and outlook by the day. Its a much more balanced way of looking at the world - instead of getting caught up worrying about who likes or dislikes you
In the past 15 yrs I've had 2 so-called friends be jealous of me over what they perceive to be my wealth. Of course it's only later I find this out, when it comes out in some other way. Each friendship ended. Each friend (female) was struggling mightily financially.
The thing is...I'm not wealthy. I'm a saver. I don't run up debt. I have savings because I've spent less than I earn and I save. It's how I was raised. I don't have designer clothes and I live modestly and adopt the "pay yourself" rule, meaning a portion of every paycheck goes into 401K and savings. I do occasionally take a nice trip or buy myself something nice, but I save for it.
What's interesting is that you'd think these people would be jealous of really wealthy people (think: Oprah, Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, etc, etc)....but no...instead they were/are jealous of a gal who has to work full-time for a living, earns exponentially less than wealthy people, is average, at best, and isn't going to be able to retire anytime before age 70.
I don't get it. If you're going to be jealous of someone with money, wouldn't you be jealous of someone who has millions?
I had a similar situation. In my experience this happens a lot among women friends. Women get jealous of each other. It can be over money, husband's, kids, houses etc.
Anyway, an old friend from HS found me on Facebook. Somehow in our conversations and sharing pictures she got the impression I have money. I don't. This friend tends to tell people too much and she told me a lot of her money woes. I don't discuss my money with people like that so maybe that gave her the impression I'm loaded. I could tell when she told me her money problems, a lot of them seemed self induced. I am not a perfect person by any means but her spending habits were pretty bad. She lost her job last year and a few months later came into a nice chunk of unexpected money. This should have been some sort of blessing. Instead of putting it aside, she went on a major spending spree. Bought a car, bought her kids a bunch of electronics and so forth. I didn't realize she had this idea I had money until one day she flipped out on me saying I have no idea what it means to struggle. I realized then she was bitter and a fruitcake. I started distancing myself from her and cursed Facebook. Some people need to stay in the past. So anyway, A few days ago she sent me a message asking if I knew anyone that wanted to buy her car. Nope. I asked why she was selling it. She said she is about to lose her house. What a shame because that money she got, was enough to make almost 3 yrs worth of house payments. That would have been a really nice cushion.
I don't get it. If you're going to be jealous of someone with money, wouldn't you be jealous of someone who has millions?
Yeah I don't understand, people worship the rich, famous and celebrities, and are not jealous them - but hate those around them who are similar to them.
They will spend infinite amounts of time undermining their colleagues, just trying to earn a living like them - but then grovel and worship the MD of a company - if they want to be jealous them why not spend their time being jealous of someone making ten times their salary
To the OP, I think I've been really blessed to have not gotten close to a lot of people like that in my life. But, on the other hand, I think i'm overly critical of myself so I may not notice when other people have that attitude towards me.
I think I'm a really nice and genuine person. I struggle with jealousy and work to overcome it when I have those feelings. I want to be happy for my friends and I find that I can't enjoy my own life and successes if I'm hung up on what other people have or are doing.
I think you just have to cut people some slack. I think everyone falls short at some point. Just don't let them make you doubt yourself.
Could it be that people simply have different expectations for those who are "supposed to care about you"? As for the father who might get angry with his daughter for her success, could it be that he thinks the daughter is "too good for them" now? Is his daughter's success kicking him down because he is reflecting on how badly he wishes he'd have tried harder and done more with his life?
Does he see wasteful spending and therefore, is getting frustrated with the fact that his daughter doesn't understand how quickly a job can disappear? Is it more fear, than jealousy?
Don't get me wrong, it's not as if hubby and I have not had to deal with our share of "jealousy/envy/anger" from family and friends, but like some others, we don't talk about our finances with others. We had financial troubles in the past, but we made lifestyle changes and major sacrifices, in order to get things to where they needed to be. It's not as if we turned up our noses at family members in their times of need, it's just that we had to step away and hope they'd change THEIR lifestyle as well.
One of the posters above mentioned "financial woes of their own making" and that's what I'm talking about here. If you don't have a large income, you cut out the "extras". You spend your money on what you NEED, not the frivolous things that you WANT. If you go out and buy yourself new furniture and a fancy new car (that you didn't need), then go out and eat at a restaurant 4 times per week, and you end up not being able to pay your monthy bills, don't be envious of the person who bought a used car, doesn't go out to eat, and has their home paid off.
Sadly, some people never learn to reconcile with the fact that they are in the situation they're in, because of their consistent poor choices. I used to get defensive about those things, I really did. Eventually though, I came to realize that there is nothing for them to be angry with me about and it is not my job to support their "lifestyle" choices. When you tell someone how you manage to manage and they ignore your "words of wisdom" and fail to follow suit...well, again, it's their choice.
In the past 15 yrs I've had 2 so-called friends be jealous of me over what they perceive to be my wealth. Of course it's only later I find this out, when it comes out in some other way. Each friendship ended. Each friend (female) was struggling mightily financially.
The thing is...I'm not wealthy. I'm a saver. I don't run up debt. I have savings because I've spent less than I earn and I save. It's how I was raised. I don't have designer clothes and I live modestly and adopt the "pay yourself" rule, meaning a portion of every paycheck goes into 401K and savings. I do occasionally take a nice trip or buy myself something nice, but I save for it.
What's interesting is that you'd think these people would be jealous of really wealthy people (think: Oprah, Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, etc, etc)....but no...instead they were/are jealous of a gal who has to work full-time for a living, earns exponentially less than wealthy people, is average, at best, and isn't going to be able to retire anytime before age 70.
I don't get it. If you're going to be jealous of someone with money, wouldn't you be jealous of someone who has millions?
LOL. Oprah and B. Gates are fantasies. You are a reality that is an eye sore. You are everything that they are not, as a result you are wealthier than they are.
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Get rid of those who attempt to bring you down. 
I don't. This friend tends to tell people too much and she told me a lot of her money woes. I don't discuss my money with people like that so maybe that gave her the impression I'm loaded. 
I could tell when she told me her money problems, a lot of them seemed self induced. I am not a perfect person by any means but her spending habits were pretty bad. She lost her job last year and a few months later came into a nice chunk of unexpected money. This should have been some sort of blessing. Instead of putting it aside, she went on a major spending spree. Bought a car, bought her kids a bunch of electronics and so forth. I didn't realize she had this idea I had money until one day she flipped out on me saying I have no idea what it means to struggle.
I realized then she was bitter and a fruitcake. I started distancing myself from her and cursed Facebook. Some people need to stay in the past. So anyway, A few days ago she sent me a message asking if I knew anyone that wanted to buy her car. Nope. I asked why she was selling it. She said she is about to lose her house. What a shame because that money she got, was enough to make almost 3 yrs worth of house payments. That would have been a really nice cushion.
