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Yeah this mentality is pretty common these days. It's a culture of negativity. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.It can be annoyingSo what do you all do about it? Avoid or ignore these types of people? Do you downplay your success? Do you ignore snide remarks or hit them harder with a remark of your own?
Its a difficult one because sometimes attacking just gives them the attention they want. Perhaps the best thing to do is show them no reaction - there looking for you to hate them.
You just don't give them any opportunity, any information they can use against you - you just keep in your mind they don't have your interests at heart. But don't let then know your on to them - Play dumb and act niave, open and honest, reveal something so they think your an open book - but all the while your playing them.
I guess you get some people you gel with - and there is no animosity - you feel "equal" to them, no one is trying to get one up on the other.
And then people who - are usually jealous of you at some level, or they look down on you.
I'd just far prefer if people showed their outward aggression - and were straightforward - it seems people have become more "passive aggressive" - Inwardly they still have same rage, bitterness and nasty attitude as ever- but the price for showing this aggression is social exclusion and your looked at as a bully - they become sly, manipulative, backstabbing, back biting - acting as the concerned friend, family member -or colleague who wants to help for but all the while hoping and looking for the little piece of information they can use to their advantage.
Funny you mentioned this thread. I just let someone go this week who reminded me exactly of what you spoke of in your thread. Here I am trying to encourage them to live their dreams, be supportive, and I really had to realize after thinking about these "random comments" that this person doesn't have my best interest at heart and doesn't like what I stand for and how I choose to live my life.
Sometimes people feel a need to compete or prove that just because you have morals/decent/carry yourself a certain way, they feel inferior, and are out to prove that you are "not so great".
Sometimes they fool you by calling to see how your doing to "get information/report on your activities." You are unaware that this person is not wishing good for you at all. It happens to all of us.
My spirit is good and I understand that you can not spend your time hanging around willing to be Julius Caesar. Although I don't operate with that mentality you hit the nail on the head regarding how people think now a days.
They love you to death as long as they can outshine you. They really love it when bad things happen to you. They want to remind you of any flaws or bad things that happen to you. You will recognize toxic friendships when you get off the phone or finish hanging out with that person and you feel.........
attacked, like you have to defend yourself, discouraged, upset, drained.
Life is too short so I learned.....after several attempts to overlook behavior that I can not allow people in my circle that do not wish me well. Although I can love them or want the best for them we all know the story about the turtle and the snake. (?) The turtle who carried the snake across the river and right before they got to the other side -the snake bit him. The turtle asked why did you bite me? The snake said "It's in my nature"
Just remember "they" have the issues not you....................unless, you choose to remain blind and keep them around.
The Annoying thing is - your not wishing them harm at all - but there just looking to pick a problem.
I have a family member - the first thing he says on the phone is
"are you still working", "how is the job going" "is your job going OK" - and you left feeling why are they asking these type of questions, are they trying to insinute something, then its "is the money any good", "are your saving much money". My first job out of Uni I was told by the relative "you were very lucky to get that job" - it just all feels like disrespect.
Then I have a sibling who proceeds tell me just how perfect his job is in everyway, and how much he loves it, and he proceeds to attack and undermine my career in everyway - despite the fact the he knows nothing about the job or companies I have worked for. if i complain about work, he enjoys seeing that,
Any attempt at discussing anything else is brushed off - its a narrow focus on your job, how much you earn etc - It Really makes me angry that this is the type of thing they discuss. I just can't understand there attitude its not any us are rich, or ever will be rich - so why all this pettiness over slight differences in jobs.
I should point out, I am probably financially much better off than both of them in terms of property- but not really a career mad person - I guess what keeps me going is to beat them in the end.
So they focus totally on my weak point.... just waiting for something bad to happen - I usually just turn the conversation around and focus back on their weak points - but they don't want to talk about it, they just try to brush it off - and relentlessly focus your bad points.
of people i know are like this. i can even tell when someone wants to be "nice" and doesn't want to "come out and tell me" that they don't think much of me
my attitude toward that is great don't say anything because i know you don't have anything good to say to me anyway
these people are insecure and unhappy. They wish that for you as well.
My husband is one of the few people that I can honestly say tries to build others up and ALWAYS talks to someone about their successes and acomplishments. He is truely unique
Get this frequently. A lot of "questions". "Like why are you not married at 35?" "Why no kids? "Why don't you have a bachelors degree?"
How about being polite and respectful and talk to a person, not interview them. This is not the Maury show.
Im a big advocate of "live and let live." Each individual should choose to live a life of their choice. Many times, these critics are dissatisfied of aspects of thier own lives, And misery LOVES company.
One guy I know from High school, that I did not see for years presented this question, Esp the marriage and employment one. 6 months later he was divorced, And to boot he has a 5 year old and did not work-His wife carried the burden. This is a able-bodied man my age. Hypocrisy!
I am not on high horse here either, As I have flaws myself.
I grew up in a "live and let live" environment so questions like those you've presented are rare from those who know me. For those who don't me, I tell them the truth - one time.
If somebody pesters me, which is not common, I start exaggerating the story just to mess with their heads and after a while they leave me alone.
of people i know are like this. i can even tell when someone wants to be "nice" and doesn't want to "come out and tell me" that they don't think much of me
my attitude toward that is great don't say anything because i know you don't have anything good to say to me anyway
Well there are lots of people I don't think much of, or don't think there half as good as think they are, or indeed people I may be envious of - but I don't start some pathetic life time vendetta against them - by acting friendly to their face, looking glean information just to use against or demean - or attacking their entire way of life subtly - and then acting the concerned "friend".
Its particulary common in the workplace - where you will see others looking for any weakness/glean information they can exploit in there fellow employee- while all the time acting the supportive colleague.
I have seen the attitude from people who have earned much more money that you - they are way better off than you by a mile, there is no competition - but they hate the thought of you earning even a little bit more - they would only be happy if you were on the minimum wage.
They exist and if they get to you, it may be because you don't know how to let go of your own mistakes. Once you can do this for yourself, nobody else can touch you.
Chances are these people don't forgive themselves easily for their own mistakes or don't like them brought their attention. That is not a nice life.
The Annoying thing is - your not wishing them harm at all - but there just looking to pick a problem.
I have a family member - the first thing he says on the phone is
"are you still working", "how is the job going" "is your job going OK" - and you left feeling why are they asking these type of questions, are they trying to insinute something, then its "is the money any good", "are your saving much money". My first job out of Uni I was told by the relative "you were very lucky to get that job" - it just all feels like disrespect.
Then I have a sibling who proceeds tell me just how perfect his job is in everyway, and how much he loves it, and he proceeds to attack and undermine my career in everyway - despite the fact the he knows nothing about the job or companies I have worked for. if i complain about work, he enjoys seeing that,
Any attempt at discussing anything else is brushed off - its a narrow focus on your job, how much you earn etc - It Really makes me angry that this is the type of thing they discuss. I just can't understand there attitude its not any us are rich, or ever will be rich - so why all this pettiness over slight differences in jobs.
I should point out, I am probably financially much better off than both of them in terms of property- but not really a career mad person - I guess what keeps me going is to beat them in the end.
So they focus totally on my weak point.... just waiting for something bad to happen - I usually just turn the conversation around and focus back on their weak points - but they don't want to talk about it, they just try to brush it off - and relentlessly focus your bad points.
I had to rep you. I have a few members that ask the same questions. The one that really irks me is "are you still working?" almost like they are hoping you say no.
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yes I would say that the majority
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