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Old 08-21-2011, 06:59 AM
 
984 posts, read 898,063 times
Reputation: 1224

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Here is one trait I notice - and this applies to Family and Friends - I guess we are all gulity of it - but some people spend their whole life engaged in this.

You point out successes your life- or just things your passionate or interested in - and they will brush over it as not important

They are constantly trying to find out your weak spot, your fault, something, or what your not good at. They will try to remind you of faults from many years ago - and focus your mind totally on all your problems/faults etc.

They will talk to you acting friendly - but all the while they are fishing for problems, weaknesses or a thing they can use against you. Always scheming for some minor advantage over you.

There are trying to pigeon hole you in some negative way - to define you as this or that. I see it as a tactic to weaken your resolve so you don't focus on your strengths.

Most people I meet these days - Their entire outlook is based on envy and competition. They secretly delight in seeing others lose their job while acting concerned, they like create problems between you and your partner - there basic outlook on life is when you are having problems - it makes them happier.

I appreciate this sounds extreme but its the way I see it.
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Old 08-21-2011, 07:38 AM
 
Location: Brooklyn,NY
7,162 posts, read 5,466,683 times
Reputation: 9426
Default Yes.

Get this frequently. A lot of "questions". "Like why are you not married at 35?" "Why no kids? "Why don't you have a bachelors degree?"

How about being polite and respectful and talk to a person, not interview them. This is not the Maury show.

Im a big advocate of "live and let live." Each individual should choose to live a life of their choice. Many times, these critics are dissatisfied of aspects of thier own lives, And misery LOVES company.

One guy I know from High school, that I did not see for years presented this question, Esp the marriage and employment one. 6 months later he was divorced, And to boot he has a 5 year old and did not work-His wife carried the burden. This is a able-bodied man my age. Hypocrisy!

I am not on high horse here either, As I have flaws myself.
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Old 08-21-2011, 07:46 AM
 
Location: Florida
2,157 posts, read 2,380,274 times
Reputation: 4612
We live in a very competitive, ego based world.

When I was growing up, my dad always told me:" You can be anything you want to be. Just
because you are a woman, doesn't mean you cannot have a successful career." Ok, so I did.
The further I moved up the ladder in my career, the more resentlful he became. WTH?

My mother is very jealous of other women, and talk about competitive! This behavior applies to
me too. I buy a new car, she buys a new car, and so on. It has gotten real old, I am so done with her issues.

A persons resolve and strengths are derived from how they feel about themselves, who do they see
when they look in the mirror, do they see a winner...or...do they see a loser. If they see a winner,
others snide remarks and petty BS won't make a difference. If they see a loser, then anything and
everything negative that is said by another will continue to erode the losers confidence and well-being.

So, to me, it is all an inside job, who do you see when you look in the mirror?
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Old 08-21-2011, 08:19 AM
 
984 posts, read 898,063 times
Reputation: 1224
Quote:
Originally Posted by D. Scott View Post
Get this frequently. A lot of "questions". "Like why are you not married at 35?" "Why no kids? "Why don't you have a bachelors degree?"

How about being polite and respectful and talk to a person, not interview them. This is not the Maury show.

Im a big advocate of "live and let live." Each individual should choose to live a life of their choice. Many times, these critics are dissatisfied of aspects of thier own lives, And misery LOVES company.

One guy I know from High school, that I did not see for years presented this question, Esp the marriage and employment one. 6 months later he was divorced, And to boot he has a 5 year old and did not work-His wife carried the burden. This is a able-bodied man my age. Hypocrisy!

I am not on high horse here either, As I have flaws myself.
Yes I agree I have similar attitude - we all have one life, and we are free to make our own decisions - but it seems most people you meet are always trying to impose their own model of the world on you.

For example - you have some who critises you about not making enough, or not owning property - you then start making more money than them and buy up a few properties - then they suddenly go quiet- and money is not important anymore, and then start looking to focus on other problems in your life... constantly searching for another problem in your life.

If people were just straightfoward - and just admitted the selfish, jealous, competitive, two faced individuals that they REALLY are instead of the pretense of being nice, or concerned, decent or trying to help - I'd be a lot happier!

The attack your bad habits, but ignore there own.
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Old 08-21-2011, 08:22 AM
 
984 posts, read 898,063 times
Reputation: 1224
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dollydo View Post
We live in a very competitive, ego based world.

When I was growing up, my dad always told me:" You can be anything you want to be. Just
because you are a woman, doesn't mean you cannot have a successful career." Ok, so I did.
The further I moved up the ladder in my career, the more resentlful he became. WTH?

My mother is very jealous of other women, and talk about competitive! This behavior applies to
me too. I buy a new car, she buys a new car, and so on. It has gotten real old, I am so done with her issues.

A persons resolve and strengths are derived from how they feel about themselves, who do they see
when they look in the mirror, do they see a winner...or...do they see a loser. If they see a winner,
others snide remarks and petty BS won't make a difference. If they see a loser, then anything and
everything negative that is said by another will continue to erode the losers confidence and well-being.

So, to me, it is all an inside job, who do you see when you look in the mirror?
I have always felt a Winner inside, - I feel attractive, intelligent and can bascially do anything I put my mind to. But the original point of the post was there seems to be an increase in the sheer amount so called "friends" and family members that simply don't want you to succeed.

But I guess your right - we should ignore these types totally
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Old 08-21-2011, 08:25 AM
 
Location: Brooklyn,NY
7,162 posts, read 5,466,683 times
Reputation: 9426
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikeyking View Post
Yes I agree I have similar attitude - we all have one life, and we are free to make our own decisions - but it seems most people you meet are always trying to impose their own model of the world on you.

For example - you have some who critises you about not making enough, or not owning property - you then start making more money than them and buy up a few properties - then they suddenly go quiet- and money is not important anymore, and then start looking to focus on other problems in your life... constantly searching for another problem in your life.

If people were just straightfoward - and just admitted the selfish, jealous, competitive, two faced individuals that they REALLY are instead of the pretense of being nice, or concerned, decent or trying to help - I'd be a lot happier!

The attack your bad habits, but ignore there own.
Good post mikeyking. They indeed play "lets find the flaws" but cast themselves as an example.
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Old 08-21-2011, 08:40 AM
 
826 posts, read 815,271 times
Reputation: 1258
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dollydo View Post
We live in a very competitive, ego based world.

When I was growing up, my dad always told me:" You can be anything you want to be. Just
because you are a woman, doesn't mean you cannot have a successful career." Ok, so I did.
The further I moved up the ladder in my career, the more resentlful he became. WTH?

My mother is very jealous of other women, and talk about competitive! This behavior applies to
me too. I buy a new car, she buys a new car, and so on. It has gotten real old, I am so done with her issues.

A persons resolve and strengths are derived from how they feel about themselves, who do they see
when they look in the mirror, do they see a winner...or...do they see a loser. If they see a winner,
others snide remarks and petty BS won't make a difference. If they see a loser, then anything and
everything negative that is said by another will continue to erode the losers confidence and well-being.

So, to me, it is all an inside job, who do you see when you look in the mirror?
Excellent post.
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Old 08-21-2011, 08:43 AM
 
11,000 posts, read 7,227,861 times
Reputation: 8263
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikeyking View Post
Here is one trait I notice - and this applies to Family and Friends - I guess we are all gulity of it - but some people spend their whole life engaged in this.

You point out successes your life- or just things your passionate or interested in - and they will brush over it as not important

They are constantly trying to find out your weak spot, your fault, something, or what your not good at. They will try to remind you of faults from many years ago - and focus your mind totally on all your problems/faults etc.

They will talk to you acting friendly - but all the while they are fishing for problems, weaknesses or a thing they can use against you. Always scheming for some minor advantage over you.

There are trying to pigeon hole you in some negative way - to define you as this or that. I see it as a tactic to weaken your resolve so you don't focus on your strengths.

Most people I meet these days - Their entire outlook is based on envy and competition. They secretly delight in seeing others lose their job while acting concerned, they like create problems between you and your partner - there basic outlook on life is when you are having problems - it makes them happier.

I appreciate this sounds extreme but its the way I see it.
Yes, I call them Mom and Dad. Mom hates all women who are not butt ugly. Dad just hates people who he can't control, which is a lot of people.
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Old 08-21-2011, 09:27 AM
 
Location: Upper East Side, NYC
1,586 posts, read 1,940,312 times
Reputation: 1293
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikeyking View Post
Here is one trait I notice - and this applies to Family and Friends - I guess we are all gulity of it - but some people spend their whole life engaged in this.

You point out successes your life- or just things your passionate or interested in - and they will brush over it as not important

They are constantly trying to find out your weak spot, your fault, something, or what your not good at. They will try to remind you of faults from many years ago - and focus your mind totally on all your problems/faults etc.

They will talk to you acting friendly - but all the while they are fishing for problems, weaknesses or a thing they can use against you. Always scheming for some minor advantage over you.

There are trying to pigeon hole you in some negative way - to define you as this or that. I see it as a tactic to weaken your resolve so you don't focus on your strengths.

Most people I meet these days - Their entire outlook is based on envy and competition. They secretly delight in seeing others lose their job while acting concerned, they like create problems between you and your partner - there basic outlook on life is when you are having problems - it makes them happier.

I appreciate this sounds extreme but its the way I see it.
I'm pretty sure you and I know the same people.
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Old 08-21-2011, 10:01 AM
Status: "Thinking Out Loud" (set 7 days ago)
 
6,797 posts, read 3,167,855 times
Reputation: 10611
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikeyking View Post
Here is one trait I notice - and this applies to Family and Friends - I guess we are all gulity of it - but some people spend their whole life engaged in this.

You point out successes your life- or just things your passionate or interested in - and they will brush over it as not important

They are constantly trying to find out your weak spot, your fault, something, or what your not good at. They will try to remind you of faults from many years ago - and focus your mind totally on all your problems/faults etc.

They will talk to you acting friendly - but all the while they are fishing for problems, weaknesses or a thing they can use against you. Always scheming for some minor advantage over you.

There are trying to pigeon hole you in some negative way - to define you as this or that. I see it as a tactic to weaken your resolve so you don't focus on your strengths.

Most people I meet these days - Their entire outlook is based on envy and competition. They secretly delight in seeing others lose their job while acting concerned, they like create problems between you and your partner - there basic outlook on life is when you are having problems - it makes them happier.

I appreciate this sounds extreme but its the way I see it.
It is a tactic to weaken your resolve; I was raised by people who did this. They truly just want to sabotage your efforts at having a better life than they had. Don't let it get ya' down; the best thing to do is keep your distance from those kinds of people even if they are related.
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