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Old 08-31-2011, 04:57 PM
 
3,490 posts, read 7,356,685 times
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My friend's fiance's Dad died last night.

They have sent us all the funeral details. I'm a bit confused - are we meant to go to this? We've never met the Father and have only heard (very) negative things about him.

I haven't been to many funerals and English funerals seem quite different to American ones (with the viewing and everything - ).

It's on Friday and we are moving today. DH really can't take any more time off. Do we have to go? I'm kind of confused that they have sent us funeral info given that we never met him. I'm sure this wouldn't be the case at home.

Thoughts?
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Old 08-31-2011, 04:59 PM
 
Location: Oxnard, CA
1,552 posts, read 3,667,073 times
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Send a sympathy card. That should be appropriate if you all cannot go.
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Old 08-31-2011, 05:02 PM
 
Location: East coast-New England
1,638 posts, read 1,773,080 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyKLO View Post
Send a sympathy card. That should be appropriate if you all cannot go.
Agree..i would also send flowers to the church or funeral home..however they do it where they live.
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Old 08-31-2011, 05:06 PM
 
25,723 posts, read 32,704,092 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hobokenkitchen View Post
My friend's fiance's Dad died last night.

They have sent us all the funeral details. I'm a bit confused - are we meant to go to this? We've never met the Father and have only heard (very) negative things about him.

I haven't been to many funerals and English funerals seem quite different to American ones (with the viewing and everything - ).

It's on Friday and we are moving today. DH really can't take any more time off. Do we have to go? I'm kind of confused that they have sent us funeral info given that we never met him. I'm sure this wouldn't be the case at home.

Thoughts?
Funerals are not attended by invitation. They are attended by the deceased's family and those persons that are close to them, and any other persons that want to pay their respects. Just because someone sends you the details, (the obituary or funeral details) certainly should not be interpreted as an expectation that you should go. I have received tons of such emails and phone calls over the years...if I attended every funeral I was made aware of I'd go looney tunes.
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Old 08-31-2011, 05:08 PM
 
Location: Emerald Coast, FL
5,283 posts, read 8,290,782 times
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Depends on whether your friend needs your support, but given the relationships here, probably not.
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Old 08-31-2011, 05:13 PM
 
Location: Southern California
3,115 posts, read 7,211,057 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TaoistDude View Post
Depends on whether your friend needs your support, but given the relationships here, probably not.
I don't know anything about the etiquette of English funerals, but I'm with TaoistDude in that funerals are for the living, so if your friend's fiance would appreciate your support in person, then I'd go. But if he wouldn't even notice you were there - or wouldn't care - then you're free to skip it!
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Old 08-31-2011, 06:50 PM
 
Location: In the clouds
861 posts, read 902,516 times
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Yes, you should go and support your friend
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Old 08-31-2011, 07:27 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 78,764,847 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hobokenkitchen View Post
My friend's fiance's Dad died last night.

They have sent us all the funeral details. I'm a bit confused - are we meant to go to this? We've never met the Father and have only heard (very) negative things about him.
I really can't see any reason to go even if you heard positive things about him, much less negative. It's not like he's your friend's Dad.
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Old 08-31-2011, 07:50 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 88,184,473 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hobokenkitchen View Post
My friend's fiance's Dad died last night.

They have sent us all the funeral details. I'm a bit confused - are we meant to go to this? We've never met the Father and have only heard (very) negative things about him.

I haven't been to many funerals and English funerals seem quite different to American ones (with the viewing and everything - ).

It's on Friday and we are moving today. DH really can't take any more time off. Do we have to go? I'm kind of confused that they have sent us funeral info given that we never met him. I'm sure this wouldn't be the case at home.

Thoughts?
They don't likely expect you to go, so relax

Just send a sympathy card to extend your condolances. Remember, funerals are for the living - they probably just shared the details with people in their lives in order that you could be emotionally supportive of them at this time.
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Old 08-31-2011, 08:07 PM
 
3,490 posts, read 7,356,685 times
Reputation: 3950
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
I really can't see any reason to go even if you heard positive things about him, much less negative. It's not like he's your friend's Dad.
Yeah I'm kind of leaning towards this too.
I'm going to call her tomorrow and ask if it's ok for me not to go. I have the distinct impression that they are expecting us to go. I just have no idea why really.
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