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Old 09-06-2011, 02:18 PM
 
11,678 posts, read 14,371,208 times
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I think it's pretty common to run into people like that nowdays. I've experienced about the same thing.

I just went through a personal rough patch a few months ago and the person I thought would be there for me was not. She completely dropped the ball and has never acknowledged it. When she decided to come around, she showed no concern for what I had been through. I have not emailed her back and will not. My decision has been bolstered by her failure to email/call/text to check on me in the last 2 months - she doesn't know if I'm dead or alive at this point. Sucks that a 3 years friendship has gone down the tubes, but you really find out who your friends are when you need them.

On the up side, a couple of people that I was not close to really came through for me. I learned to appreciate them in ways I hadn't for whatever reason. All's well that ends well.

My advice to you is to look for friends where you might least expect it.
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Old 09-06-2011, 02:55 PM
 
46 posts, read 98,110 times
Reputation: 88
Congratulations.

Your a smart, caring, respectful, intelligent woman, who doesn't use people and just wants a decent human to human interaction.

You now no longer fit in with 95% of people.
I say move on and keep looking for that 5% that are looking for what your looking for.

Btw: This is just an observation but don't take it personally. When your friend asked you for a ride at 5 in the morning, to me that's what friends do. They go above and beyond the call of duty so to speak. They sacrifice their time and effort to help another in a time of need no matter the circumstance. Your basically evaluating the friendship at this point in time. Is my time worth more than taking my friend to the airport at 5 in the morning? Your answer was obviously no. Now if you had something really important that day then she should be able to acknowledge that and make plans accordingly. But just saying no to a 5 am airport ride for no reasons, whatsoever? That's not friendship material. (at least to me its not, your definition may vary) Now if she starts using you, that's a whole different story.

Last edited by TakeyourTime; 09-06-2011 at 03:06 PM..
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Old 09-06-2011, 03:31 PM
 
20 posts, read 38,151 times
Reputation: 55
Thanks TakeYourTime.

The friend wanted a ride because she thinks it's ridiculous to have to pay. She made her flight plans and selected her early flight with no thought as to who else it would inconvenience. The day before, her own son backed out of taking her to the airport with an excuse. I would have paid for her parking at the airport (it's $4 per day) or I would have paid for her to get a shuttle, but getting up at 4:45am to get to her house by 5am to chauffer her to the airport, just because she doesn't think one should have to pay to go to the airport is, in my mind, not okay, especially when it isn't some kind of emergency--and this most certainly was not. She does tend to be a user. She refused any other option other than someone getting up early and taking her. As it was, I was already scheduled to pick her up on her return back. Sorry, but we'll have to agree to disagree on this one. You don't go out of your way to inconvenience other people if there are other perfectly reasonable, easy, cheap, and timely options available.
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Old 09-06-2011, 09:09 PM
 
46 posts, read 98,110 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ali Says View Post
She does tend to be a user.
There is your answer. Move on.

Friends don't use friends, they enhance each others lives.
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Old 09-06-2011, 09:19 PM
 
2,282 posts, read 3,273,630 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TakeyourTime View Post
Friends don't use friends, they enhance each others lives.
I heard this in a movie once: Bada boom, bada bing!
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Old 09-06-2011, 09:33 PM
 
Location: Fort Worth, TX
9,397 posts, read 13,649,230 times
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Yeah, that's the human race for ya, a few diamonds in a big big rough. I find it hard to believe that some people have friends they consider to be "good friends" numbering more than five.
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Old 09-06-2011, 09:45 PM
 
Location: In my skin
9,045 posts, read 14,274,803 times
Reputation: 8901
#1 - Rude. Plain and simple. I don't see any loss there.

2. You may be trustworthy, but how much you choose to share does not mean she has to do the same. Some people are more private than others and that is their right. You said she has shared some personal info with you, so it's not like she hasn't opened up at all. She may have her reasons to be more guarded. As long as she's not seeing little green monsters under her bed, I say just respect her privacy and let her tell you what she wants in her own time.

3. This one sounds a little rude as well.

Quote:
I don't confront people anymore...haven't done that for many years. I've learned that people don't change and people either mesh well or they don't. I take responsibility for my own actions and don't dump on my friends. I figure if my needs aren't being met or a friendship is not working or I don't like how I'm being treated, then I need to float away and let it go, without having some big scene or showdown.
That's the best way to handle it. There's give and take, but when you don't feel you're getting an adequate return, even if you're in the wrong, it's time to move on.

Quote:
Originally Posted by noexcuseforignorance View Post
1. Why are you venting about this person instead of calling her on her bs

2. Why are you venting on the Internet about this instead of bringing this up with her

3. Why are you communicating about things like this via email.

Perhaps it isn't the so-called friends who have an issue. Perhaps you're unable to be direct and forward with people.
Interesting choice of handles.
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Old 09-06-2011, 09:55 PM
 
Location: California
4,536 posts, read 5,442,733 times
Reputation: 9558
[quote=PassTheChocolate;20773373

Interesting choice of handles.[/quote]





Great observation!!!
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Old 09-07-2011, 01:16 AM
 
Location: Southern California
3,115 posts, read 7,224,166 times
Reputation: 3671
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ali Says View Post
You don't go out of your way to inconvenience other people if there are other perfectly reasonable, easy, cheap, and timely options available.
I agree in theory, and I personally use those other options.

But, if a friend asks me to take them to the airport - I do it! Even if they have other options - options that I think make more sense - I still do it. It may sound nuts, but it's just one of those things you do for a friend.

A lot of people have a thing about being picked up and dropped off at the airport by a friend or family member. If they had to use another option they would see that as a relationship failure, because no one cared enough to take or pick them up. Like I said, it's nuts, but that's the way they feel - and if I care about someone, then I recognize that, and I get up at 3AM, and just see it as part of being a good friend.

Being a friend sometimes requires you to be sensitive to needs that are not necessarily rational.
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Old 09-07-2011, 03:23 PM
 
Location: In my skin
9,045 posts, read 14,274,803 times
Reputation: 8901
Quote:
Originally Posted by bouncethelight View Post
I agree in theory, and I personally use those other options.

But, if a friend asks me to take them to the airport - I do it! Even if they have other options - options that I think make more sense - I still do it. It may sound nuts, but it's just one of those things you do for a friend.

A lot of people have a thing about being picked up and dropped off at the airport by a friend or family member. If they had to use another option they would see that as a relationship failure, because no one cared enough to take or pick them up. Like I said, it's nuts, but that's the way they feel - and if I care about someone, then I recognize that, and I get up at 3AM, and just see it as part of being a good friend.

Being a friend sometimes requires you to be sensitive to needs that are not necessarily rational.
Have any of your friends actually verbalized this feeling to you?
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