Depressed friend wants to live with me. How can I help her?

[ucbrian]

Live close by but don't live in the same house. you'll risk losing your friend, your husband and then some.

depressed people need help, but more of the help comes from within, not externally. many depressed ppl will never fully escape it, some will. it's just a matter of stats, logic, digging deep and economic resources along with their support structure.

good luck to you and your friend!

[Braunwyn]

Well, my friend finally landed a great job. What a relief. It pays something like $26/hr. On call work is $45/hr. I did lend her money to get into a weekly rental for a couple of weeks since she got herself thrown out of her free room and board. I'm still p*ssed about that and I'll bring it up at a later date. Again, I'm so relieved she got a job. Her mom is letting her borrow a car, which is a real stroke of luck. So far so good!

[Irishiis49]

Originally Posted by Braunwyn

Well, my friend finally landed a great job. What a relief. It pays something like $26/hr. On call work is $45/hr. I did lend her money to get into a weekly rental for a couple of weeks since she got herself thrown out of her free room and board. I'm still p*ssed about that and I'll bring it up at a later date. Again, I'm so relieved she got a job. Her mom is letting her borrow a car, which is a real stroke of luck. So far so good!

Glad to hear things are looking up for your friend! Just two suggestions...1.the money you gave her for her rent write it off (gift)2.don't give her anymore money.It will save your friendship!

[Braunwyn]

Originally Posted by Irishiis49

Glad to hear things are looking up for your friend! Just two suggestions...1.the money you gave her for her rent write it off (gift)2.don't give her anymore money.It will save your friendship!

Thanks! Yea, that's the smart thing to do, but I'm still going to hold her to it. I've gifted her money in the past, which wasn't a big deal, but this particular situation really upset me. I figure it will be her call if she wants to screw the friendship over it, but I doubt she'll take that road.

[renault]

No offense but why are you friends with this person? What positive thing does she bring to your relationship? Does she add anything good to your life? She sounds like a real drain. A classic toxic personality that is to be avoided and cut out of your life. This new job might help her turn things around but how shocking would it be if she were fired soon after?

[Braunwyn]

Originally Posted by renault

No offense but why are you friends with this person? What positive thing does she bring to your relationship? Does she add anything good to your life? She sounds like a real drain. A classic toxic personality that is to be avoided and cut out of your life. This new job might help her turn things around but how shocking would it be if she were fired soon after?

I've known her since I was 19-20. We have never shared a similar work ethic or sense of responsibility, but she's been a friend over the years. For example, and most recently, when my twin died in '09 I called on her quite a bit. From the early AM to late night. I called her everyday, maybe several times a day, and would break down. This went on for months. It was a long time and she was always there. She never let her phone go to voice mail. I was never interrupting her. Folk don't generally do that for others. It's special, like family.

[Chowhound]

Originally Posted by Braunwyn

I've known her since I was 19-20. We have never shared a similar work ethic or sense of responsibility, but she's been a friend over the years. For example, and most recently, when my twin died in '09 I called on her quite a bit. From the early AM to late night. I called her everyday, maybe several times a day, and would break down. This went on for months. It was a long time and she was always there. She never let her phone go to voice mail. I was never interrupting her. Folk don't generally do that for others. It's special, like family.

Yeah, that was good of her..... it's good of you trying to help her, I remember when you first posted this.

[Braunwyn]

Originally Posted by Chowhound

Yeah, that was good of her..... it's good of you trying to help her, I remember when you first posted this.

Thanks. It looks like she's pulling out of it. This stint scared her. Given the money she can make, which is more than enough to support herself in the mid-west, she should be ok. She has no excuses at this point.

[Chowhound]

Originally Posted by Braunwyn

Thanks. It looks like she's pulling out of it. This stint scared her. Given the money she can make, which is more than enough to support herself in the mid-west, she should be ok. She has no excuses at this point.

Yeah, 26 bucks an hour, especially in the Midwest, is decent enough money to live on.