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Old 09-15-2011, 07:56 AM
 
Location: Fort Worth, TX
9,397 posts, read 13,647,782 times
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Maybe you should see a psychiatrist, and before you lash out at me for calling you crazy (I did not), I say that because perhaps there's a deeper root cause as to why you're angry. Perhaps a doctor can also help you cope with what you've been going through. I can only imagine the frustration of really wanting a child but not being able to have one.
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Old 09-15-2011, 08:00 AM
 
Location: Arkansas
1,230 posts, read 2,834,612 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HurricaneDC View Post
Maybe you should see a psychiatrist, and before you lash out at me for calling you crazy (I did not), I say that because perhaps there's a deeper root cause as to why you're angry. Perhaps a doctor can also help you cope with what you've been going through. I can only imagine the frustration of really wanting a child but not being able to have one.

I don't need a psychiatrist nor am I angry. I said I was jealous huge difference. Have you never been jealous of anyone?? Yes not being able to have a child is hard and frustrating and even more frustrating when you see someone who doesn't even like/want children become blessed with one.

Last edited by sherrenee; 09-15-2011 at 08:12 AM..
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Old 09-15-2011, 08:03 AM
 
Location: Texas
43,409 posts, read 52,413,699 times
Reputation: 70378
So, basically...how do you keep from being upset that someone you hates has something you want? And they don't even appreciate it (you assume).

This is all about growing up. And also realizing that most of the time, when other people have something, it doesn't usually take anything away from you.
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Old 09-15-2011, 08:06 AM
 
9,415 posts, read 11,683,195 times
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It is hard to control certain feelings and jealousy is one of them. Not being able to get pregnant is a very difficult path so feeling jealous that your former friend is having an unwanted baby is natural.

The issue is jealousy can eat you alive, it is insidious and can be destructive so it is important that you deal with it in whichever way you can.

Accept the things you cannot change is a wise saying.
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Old 09-15-2011, 08:07 AM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,812,424 times
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Feelings are primal and can be irrational, as you have demonstrated. It's all about your ego . . . the only way out is to get out of your ego . . . concentrate on your own life, do healthy things, think healthy thoughts . . .when you think of her, develop a practice where you say "thoughts, thoughts, judgments, judgments," so the thoughts and judgments don't take hold . . .it's a practice . . .

Meanwhile, back to YOUR life . . .
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Old 09-15-2011, 08:22 AM
 
1,397 posts, read 4,392,281 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sherrenee View Post
What do I do to stop this?
Like one of the previous posters mentioned, accept the things that you cannot change. You can either continue to be jealous, and most likely affect your mental and physical state, cause we all know that jealousy can be bad for you ( talking in general and from experience ). Or, you can accept that your friend will be having a baby, and move on. Think about your own life, positive things, and possibility of having a child one day, even though you have trouble conceiving. Your friend having or even not having a child, does not affect your ability to conceive. So, it is almost silly to be jealous of her even though you have that little "competition" thing going on.

I was jealous many times...at things I cannot change. When I realized that jealousy is only doing me more harm than good ( it was stressing me out so much, that it was affecting my health ), I stopped with those feelings, and just accepted things the way they are. Maybe you should somehow try to do that...any way you can and any way that works for you.

Good luck...

Last edited by lastra; 09-15-2011 at 08:45 AM.. Reason: grammar mistake
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Old 09-15-2011, 08:28 AM
B4U
 
Location: the west side of "paradise"
3,612 posts, read 7,017,168 times
Reputation: 4423
It's only natural to be a bit of a green-eyed monster, having not been able to concieve.
But, as my mother repeatedly stated, "you never know what goes on behind closed doors".
I pray her child is healthy and is raised in a happy environment.
I hope you feel the same and just get on with your life.
The boyfriend issue is way in the past.
You didn't STEAL him from her. He's not an object to be HAD.
And if he did chose you over her, obviously they weren't meant to be.
Don't take her animousity and make it yours.
You need more things in your life that are important. These things are bull, to be honest.
As others have said, you not having children has nothing to do with her. Think of the thousands who are having children. Do you hate them all???
If you lived far away I would hope these issues you're having would not be a part of your daily life or thoughts. So get on with what you do have and be happy about it. Keep/make it healthy and grow.
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Old 09-15-2011, 08:54 AM
 
Location: NW Indiana
40,158 posts, read 15,119,626 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sherrenee View Post
My former best friend is pregnant. You would think I would be happy for her but to be honest it seriously bugs me for a few reasons...

My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for 10 years with no success. Infertility sucks. I have always wanted children and have always been very vocal about that fact.

Even though she and I are no longer friends we seem to have this insane competition thing going (stupid and immature on both of our parts). Which I am sure steams from the fact that I married her ex boyfriend (wow drama lol). They had been apart for 2 years and she and I were no longer friends when he and I started dating. You would think we would both be past this considering my husband and I have been together since 2000.

Finally ever since I have known her she has HATED children, never wanted them, never wanted to be around them etc. Why on earth would anyone who hates children not take every single precaution available in order to avoid having an unwanted child?

What do I do to stop this? I hate feeling so jealous. It kind of feels like she beat me to the punch at the thing I wanted most in this world and of course the old "why her and not me" feelings.
OP, you admit that your "competition" is "insane," and you admit that you are being "stupid and immature." What can you do to stop it? If a problem consumes you that much and you've been unable to stop in on your own, don't pooh-pooh others' suggestions that you try counseling. Your venomous post about your ex-friend reveals that there's a lot more going on with you than meets the eye. You need to find a way to concentrate on your own life and happiness and not care about what your ex-friend is doing with hers. Perhaps a therapist can help you with that. There is no shame in seeking help. It is shameful to not be proactive about making your life better!

Why do you keep in touch with your ex-friend's sister? Wouldn't it be better to let go of any ties with her and her family and/or friends? This jealousy and need to compete is eating you up and only making you (and maybe your husband) miserable.

Also, have you considered adoption? I have several friends who have adopted children and they are as happy as can be. I can't even begin to understand the anguish of being unable to conceive when you desperately want a child, but you are not alone, OP, and other people in your situation have managed to move on with their lives in positive directions. Harboring ill feelings for another only hurts you.

By the way - I have known people over the years who claimed they never wanted kids but who unexpectedly got pregnant and became wonderful, loving parents. Your ex-friend may very well become a good parent. Wouldn't that be a good thing? In your post, it almost seems that because she has expressed her distaste for children in the past you actually want her to fail at parenthood so that it would somehow justify your hatred for her.

I wish you the best of luck in finding a way to let go and move on with your life in a positive direction.
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Old 09-15-2011, 09:07 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,906 posts, read 36,204,400 times
Reputation: 42502
Quote:
Originally Posted by PJ8 View Post
By the way - I have known people over the years who claimed they never wanted kids but who unexpectedly got pregnant and became wonderful, loving parents. Your ex-friend may very well become a good parent. Wouldn't that be a good thing? In your post, it almost seems that because she has expressed her distaste for children in the past you actually want her to fail at parenthood so that it would somehow justify your hatred for her.
Good post! Moreover, they have not been friends for 10 years. A lot can change in 10 years.

OP, I doubt this woman got pregnant to spite you. I think you are reacting to your own sadness and frustration about not being able to have a baby yet and projecting it onto her. Would you be angry at the cashier at the grocery store for being pregnant? Or your dentist? You probably wouldn't take it personally. She's just another woman ... you need to stop viewing her as a rival and let the past go. Do you even know whether she cares about your life anymore and what happened 10 years ago? Maybe she has moved on--you can too. And if she hasn't, then you can move forward by cutting people out of your life who keep you connected. How did you find out she was pregnant? Her sister told you? Tell her that you don't want to hear about her anymore, that you find it upsetting.

A wound heals faster if you stop picking at the scab.
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Old 09-15-2011, 09:21 AM
 
Location: Not Nowhere
1,321 posts, read 1,787,861 times
Reputation: 1747
Quote:
Originally Posted by sherrenee View Post
...we seem to have this insane competition thing going...
I don't know. I didn't read anything that sounded like too insane of a competition.

Now, for example, if one party were to kidnap the baby belonging to the other party and raise it as their own for 30 years or so before the child's true origin was revealed...that would up the competition to an insane level.
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