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Old 09-15-2011, 12:19 PM
 
5,244 posts, read 4,701,083 times
Reputation: 1858

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It sounds like you were her friend in high school, correct? I can distinctly remember in high school and even years after, I did not want kids either. No way!!! Years later, I met the right person and decided years after being married that we would start a family. Things/people change. It depends on the circumstances. Without having any contact with her, you would not know what her situation is now.
As for your jealousy or envy...I say try to let it go. Find something else to focus on, like your marriage, your work, a hobby, losing/gaining weight, take a much needed vacation, just do something else that does not have you thinking about her. I am sure she is not giving you a second thought so why give her the satisfaction. As long as you are happy with your husband, focus on him, spoil each other!
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Old 09-15-2011, 12:21 PM
 
Location: U.S.A.
19,618 posts, read 20,097,626 times
Reputation: 28688
Quote:
Originally Posted by sherrenee View Post
A few different things... one our priorities changed after high school was over (which happens to a lot of friendships), two she became more of a fair weather friend and finally she became an user of people for money which is something I detest
So, I would imagine it's how one feels when 'good things' happen to 'bad people'...

Not that it makes me jealous, but I've seen several people I knew who did alot of messed up stuff somehow seem to land all the things regular people try really hard to earn for themselves...and sometimes still don't attain.

That's just life. But remember: everyone has their cross to bear....

If it makes you feel any better, she probably envies you for being able to maintain a 10yr marriage with a guy she couldn't. I'd focus on him. If you two are unable to have children, at least you have eachother and can do all sorts of fun things, like travel the world. I'd start planning a vacation to Barbados right now if I were you.
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Old 09-15-2011, 12:34 PM
 
Location: NW Indiana
44,292 posts, read 19,960,112 times
Reputation: 115099
Quote:
Originally Posted by redjan1225 View Post
Whew, people are so touchy around here.

Anyway, you need to let this go. I understand what you're feeling, but questioning "why her and not me" is pointless and unhealthy. Everything in this life happens for a reason. Period. Chances are your ex-friend will see that baby for the first time and fall in love.

I'll tell you my story. I have two close girlfriends. Both are morbidly obese (albeit beautiful big ladies) with your pick of related health concerns including high cholesterol, high BP, pre-diabetes, etc. They choose to not make positive changes in their lives. When one got pregnant with her first son, she nearly died from the complications. The baby was about 6 weeks early and is now perfectly fine. She got pregnant again with her daughter after not caring to improve her health. Again, preemie baby born who is now perfectly fine. My other friend got pregnant with twin girls, had a complicated pregnancy and they were delivered about 6 weeks early too. They're both perfectly fine. I was the last of us to get pregnant and conceived twin boys naturally. Despite my near-perfect health, I went in to premature labor and delivered my boys 16 weeks early. They didn't make it.

My point is....I could sit and question why my unhealthy friends got healthy beautiful babies while my healthy self lost hers until I was blue in the face. But what a sad waste of time. A cousin I'm currently on the outs with had her baby a few months after I lost mine and I sent her a congrats card with warm wishes. I wish that you would just wish the best for your ex-friend, and move forward from this. Re-focus your life on your future, with or without kids, and let the past lie where it may. Just accepting that it is what it is and it is out of the realm of anything you can control is definitely a step in the right direction.
There can be no better testimony than this ^ to taking the high road.

Redjan, you have my deepest condolences for the loss of your twins. You sound like a real class act and positive thinker. What a shining example of how we can choose how life's challenges affect us. Harboring ill will toward another never makes things better.
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Old 09-15-2011, 12:38 PM
 
Location: Free From The Oppressive State
30,183 posts, read 23,594,192 times
Reputation: 38513
Quote:
Originally Posted by Funny how? View Post
Well, this is what you get for having this "insane competition thing" going on! Ha ha! She beat you to the punch!!

Maybe, just maybe, you can beat her to the "maturity" punch?? Yes! Try that!! That'll show 'er!!
Comment of the day.
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Old 09-15-2011, 12:43 PM
 
Location: Kansas City Metro
203 posts, read 510,266 times
Reputation: 684
Maybe next time you want to just "vent" you should preface your post by say that is what you are doing and you don't want any advice.

You presented your situation and ASKED how to control the jealousy. You received many answers and nice people took the time to post. Now you say it was just a vent. I believe its because you don't like the answers you have received. Doing a lot of backpeddling over it too.

Each post you've made since your OP you sound like you have dropped years of age..how old are you? You now sound like a junior high school girl who has her panties in a wad. Time to put on your big girl panties and get over it, vent or not.
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Old 09-15-2011, 12:48 PM
 
Location: Kansas City Metro
203 posts, read 510,266 times
Reputation: 684
Snipped off your original post: What do I do to stop this? I hate feeling so jealous. It kind of feels like she beat me to the punch at the thing I wanted most in this world and of course the old "why her and not me" feelings.

Looks like a question to me.
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Old 09-15-2011, 12:49 PM
 
Location: U.S.A.
19,618 posts, read 20,097,626 times
Reputation: 28688
Quote:
Originally Posted by Adoptstrays View Post
nice people took the time to post.
Some of us are just bored...
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Old 09-15-2011, 12:54 PM
 
Location: Kansas City Metro
203 posts, read 510,266 times
Reputation: 684
Quote:
Originally Posted by D217 View Post
Some of us are just bored...
I know I am, especially now
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Old 09-15-2011, 01:23 PM
 
538 posts, read 1,518,524 times
Reputation: 723
Quote:
Originally Posted by sherrenee View Post
what I am feeling is a pretty normal emotion especially for someone who is unable to conceive
I disagree; I think you have moved beyond a normal emotion, based on your own posts.
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Old 09-15-2011, 02:20 PM
 
1,397 posts, read 4,838,664 times
Reputation: 2704
I agree with other posts...being that you asked what can you do to stop your feelings...please don't be offended by people's responses, cause you asked yourself.

I see that "counselor advice" especially ticks you off. Why? I've been to the counselor many times, when I wasn't able to control/deal with my own emotions. And quess what, counseling helped me greatly!!!It also helped me realized why I feel the way I do ( it was much deeper than I though it would be ). Maybe that is indeed what you need, cause you obviously have problems dealing with jealousy when it comes to your friend.

If it's meant for you and your hubby to have children, you will, if it's not, then it's not...so, being jealous at your friend will not do you any good, nor it makes sense, it can just harm you.

Good Luck to you.
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