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Old 09-28-2011, 11:51 AM
 
Location: Mass.
83 posts, read 283,243 times
Reputation: 109

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The last few months have opened my eyes to some things:

First, for the past year a member of the family has asked for (and I gave) info on selling a home - from why it hasn't sold (I pulled comps and suggested he lower the price by about $40,000, every time I would see him or his lady friend one of them by the end of the night would start in with the questions, he didn't listen to my suggestion of dropping the price, but after a year, he decided to go with a new agent ... I suggested he could hire me and then sent a followup email....he hired someone else - no explanation and no response to my email....now I've been invited to his wedding and feel since I was not good enough to sell list his house, then why am I good enough to be invited to the wedding....

Second, a different family member had asked for (and received) thousands of dollars in hubby's time for work my BIL needed to do on his home, my husband put in a lot of hours for the BIL with the understanding my BIL would help us out as we were going to be renovating soon, again, though, when we were renovating our house, hubby called BIL to have him "order" certain things as BIL mentioned he would get them at a good price....after my husband called three times with no response we just gave up and ordered it on our own at regular price...why/how would/do I handle these two situations.

I feel whenever anyone wants something, we jump to help but our favors are never returned ....any ideas besides the obvious one which is we are suckers?
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Old 09-28-2011, 12:00 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
15,726 posts, read 22,792,408 times
Reputation: 17488
You didn't offer to sell and take no commission.
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Old 09-28-2011, 12:02 PM
 
Location: Mass.
83 posts, read 283,243 times
Reputation: 109
hahaha - no I did not at that!!! I would not show up to the wedding without a gift either....
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Old 09-28-2011, 12:05 PM
 
Location: Arizona
1,034 posts, read 3,734,124 times
Reputation: 1346
I know it is hard to be taken advantage of.

But I don't do favors for people with the intention that the favor will be returned. Plain and simple.

Now a verbal agreement that someone didn't follow through with is different. I think you've learned your lesson and know to proceed cautiously when helping these two.
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Old 09-28-2011, 12:20 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
15,726 posts, read 22,792,408 times
Reputation: 17488
Quote:
Originally Posted by NorthShoreMA View Post
hahaha - no I did not at that!!! I would not show up to the wedding without a gift either....
Its a personal decision.

Heres a story I'll share with you. A family member who owns her own Travel business booked a cruise for 25 of her inlaws.

Her MIL and FIL, BILs, SILs and all the grandchildren,paid for by the FIL & MIL, this would also include, herself, husband and two kids.

She charged the commission, but spent most of the trip in her cabin. None of the family would talk to her. She couldn't understand what their problem was.
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Old 09-28-2011, 01:30 PM
 
Location: Mass.
83 posts, read 283,243 times
Reputation: 109
I do believe I've learned my lesson - if you were me, would you just leave it at that or say something - I really don't want to attend the wedding now either, so just say I have plans ??

I've always heard from a very dear friend to take the high road, in this case I think the high road is to not go to the wedding (because I have plans that day wink, wink) and just let it go.....but what happens next time (and believe me there will be a next time and there already have been many next times) they ask for advise on the sale of their home or want hubby's help with their home...
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Old 09-28-2011, 01:56 PM
 
12,447 posts, read 14,582,889 times
Reputation: 14171
NorthShoreMA...your family member probabley didn't like your idea of lowering the price by 40,000 dollers...which is a lot....it's a shame that your BIL doesn't want to show that he values your husbands time and generosity...especially when what you asked for in return was so small....sometimes it takes a request for help before peoples "true colors" show.....now you know..... maybe next time a family member asks for help, and you decide to, in order to avoid any disapointment later ,you should do it with the understanding in your own mind that you're doing this with no expectations of reciprocation, but simply for the pleasure of giving.
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Old 09-28-2011, 03:18 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,227 posts, read 21,999,182 times
Reputation: 23996
Quote:
Originally Posted by purehuman View Post
NorthShoreMA...your family member probabley didn't like your idea of lowering the price by 40,000 dollers...which is a lot....it's a shame that your BIL doesn't want to show that he values your husbands time and generosity...especially when what you asked for in return was so small....sometimes it takes a request for help before peoples "true colors" show.....now you know..... maybe next time a family member asks for help, and you decide to, in order to avoid any disapointment later ,you should do it with the understanding in your own mind that you're doing this with no expectations of reciprocation, but simply for the pleasure of giving.
Yep!
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Old 09-28-2011, 03:53 PM
 
Location: Mass.
83 posts, read 283,243 times
Reputation: 109
Yes, you are right. Thanks
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Old 09-28-2011, 03:57 PM
 
Location: Mass.
83 posts, read 283,243 times
Reputation: 109
May I add that in total he has dropped the price by more than the $40,000 (it took a year though). Just when it was at the $40,000 total reduction is when he decided get rid of that agency...then the next day I noticed it was temporarily withdrawn and then expired. That is when I sent the email. Now, I know they get my emails because the girlfriend has talked to be about them, I am just hurt there was no reply at all and no explanation (maybe he decided not go go with family). I could have at least tried to understand that, but no call or email was just downright rude and it hurt.
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