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I don't think the situation you described was controlling, but it is possible that she was commenting on the bigger picture, and just did not elaborate. The fact that she invites you over attests to the fact that she loves you, regardless, but she might still view you as controlling. There may be a basis for that belief, or not.
It does seem telling to me that you needed public assurance that you were right and she was wrong, and that is usually a sign of a person that needs to feel in control of situations.
Of course, I can always be wrong -- most of us can.... present company excluded. 8)
Like others have mentioned, she sounds like a typical House W.I.F.E. (Washing, Ironing, F***ing, Etc.) The etc includes cooking and preparing meals, and like many people, she doesn't like being corrected while doing her "job" by someone who doesn't do that job.
I wouldn't pay too much attention to it. Just fire back a generic insult like "up yours" or "get bent" and chalk it up as a run-of-the-mill sibling spat.
I see it as you and your sister still have tons of issues from your childhood that you haven't even considered working through yet--pretty typical for siblings, eh?
This has nothing to do with your one story presented to us.
All I see is complaints about serving size. Yet i see no gratitude for her feeding you. That tells me alot. And would it not have been simpler to just not eat everything she gave you?
That's what I've been wondering. As to controlling, not enough info to determine.
Although, as LM said, your disapproval of her life choices is really grating on you and I'm sure you are looking for ways to communicate your displeasure to her, albeit subconsciously on your part.
What's this about what women SHOULD do? I am pretty certain that women's liberation was about freedom to make choices. She has made her choice, how dare you say that she isn't allowed to choose ("women should" - your own words). Talk about controlling! now you believe you can speak for all women?
That's what I've been wondering. As to controlling, not enough info to determine.
Although, as LM said, your disapproval of her life choices is really grating on you and I'm sure you are looking for ways to communicate your displeasure to her, albeit subconsciously on your part.
What's this about what women SHOULD do? I am pretty certain that women's liberation was about freedom to make choices. She has made her choice, how dare you say that she isn't allowed to choose ("women should" - your own words). Talk about controlling! now you believe you can speak for all women?
Her sister made her bed...she made her own conscious choice(s) to be with her fiance/husband...and wasn't it stated he asked her not to work, and stay home with their kids? If he's pulling in enough kapooskas that he can afford for her to be a stay at home wife/mom, then why is that an unreasonable request...and further, what evidence do we have beyond here that he's a 'MALE CHAUVINIST', except her say-so? There's is absolutely nothing wrong with being strong and independent, true, but I don't see anything 'catering' about her doting on him---if that's what she wants/likes to do, then you (OP) are within your rights to object, but SHE wants to do that, and you don't live in her house...I do the same stuff for my wife, but it's because I love her, and because she ASKS me to do stuff...
Maybe dude makes enough money that he can AFFORD to have a stay at home wife, and this grinds her gears because she doesn't have it like that...there's always more to a situation than what is said or meets the eye...I'd like to hear more from DFOR regarding her take, though...
OK, perhaps the sister has mentioned her own feelings (positive OR negative) to her brother so perhaps he has the inside perspective of wanting more for his sister b/c he loves her. Not controlling any more than any other advice a sibling can give - warranted or not.
My issue is with her not respecting his wishes as he did state that he's voiced his concerns over her portions. I have a sister who's a freak about food and you tell her you don't want something b/c you're (full, don't like it, whatever) and she thinks something is wrong with you and will put it on your plate anyway. What that says to me is that she does not respect me enough to even do a little thing like not give me a butt ton of food. Now, I realize this is MY situation, but perhaps the OP just wants to serve himself.
Someone also said why can't you eat what she gave you and get over yourself? Well, maybe if this were an infrequent dinner/occasion, but she's family you see frequently and it's really not hard to understand that we all have different eating habits.
I find that whenever someone criticizes me for something, it is usually a crime they are guilty of.
20yrsinBranson[/quote]
This is sometimes true but NOT for people who are decent and aware.Quite a lot of folks don't seem to know basic psychology and sociology and accuse others of being biased when it is rooted on facts probability. I am often on male chauvinists and their female collaborators and catty women and men's cases but I am not bi*chy at all
On the one hand, why is it a big deal if you just want to serve yourself? You can do that. You're an adult.
On the other hand, it would irritate me as a hostess, too. I don't even know why. I enjoy being served at other people's homes, and I enjoy serving at my home. I am not saying I couldn't play it a different way (and I usually just put big bowls on the table for everyone to serve themselves). But if I were doling out food and someone insisted on pouring it themselves, it would bother me. And it would strike me as controlling.
I do disapprove of her lifestyle. I CAN NOT STAND to see a lady CATER to their man, also known as a MALE CHAUVINIST. He has her right under his thumb, and that is not where a lady belongs. Side by side and equal is the way it should be. So, yes, I disapprove.
Um. I would love to have my wife stay at home and take care of the house, etc. I don't want her to have to work and I think having an adult home with the children and looking full time after the house/bills/investments is absolutely invaluable and irreplaceable.
But the truth is, I would love even more for ME to do it. I LOVE being in my house, I SUPER-DUPER love to make food for the people I love, I love to clean (and I do most of the cleaning), I love doing home repairs, etc.
That doesn't make either of us male chauvinists, because neither of us is male. It won't happen bc she hates doing all above mentioned things and I can't do it because I make the most money (and anyway, I'm home 14+ days a month anyway, so I can get my fix in).
Now if and only if he said she had to do it because she was a woman, THEN you could call him a male chauvinist.
Not at all. You're an adult and capable of dishing out your own food. I do this all the time because my husband will give me way more to eat than I want.
Apparently, *SHE* is the one with control issues. I find that whenever someone criticizes me for something, it is usually a crime they are guilty of.
20yrsinBranson
It does seem like a case of psychological projection based on the little information from the OP...but then who knows, I certainly don't.
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Spot-On, Annie...
