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View Poll Results: Was I controlling
Yes, you were 9 25.71%
No, you weren't 26 74.29%
Voters: 35. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 10-18-2011, 10:27 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,085 posts, read 23,785,579 times
Reputation: 17982

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Quote:
Originally Posted by DFOR View Post
1. You are correct, she was being very hospitable. I guess I'm just not comfortable being served. For ME, I look at it as being catered to. I just wanted to make it easier on her, and dole out my own portion

2. Correct again. They both agreed for her to stay at home, and she does like it. It's the mindset I see in him that is bothersome.

3. Oh, a stay at home housewife is most definitely an equal to their SO. Their job raising kids and a household is probably harder than a man going to his work. Like I mentioned, it's the mindset of the man that indicates equality, or lack of.

And, thanks for the civil debate.
If your able to see he treats her without respect and more his servant, you can bet she does too.

I'll add some advice here, be a good listener and bite your tongue. Working out some equality in the relationship is her issue to deal with.

Hopefully before she marries him, if they make it that far.
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Old 10-19-2011, 06:20 AM
 
Location: Knoxville, TN
346 posts, read 440,857 times
Reputation: 506
Quote:
Originally Posted by DFOR View Post
1. You are correct, she was being very hospitable. I guess I'm just not comfortable being served. For ME, I look at it as being catered to. I just wanted to make it easier on her, and dole out my own portion

2. Correct again. They both agreed for her to stay at home, and she does like it. It's the mindset I see in him that is bothersome.

3. Oh, a stay at home housewife is most definitely an equal to their SO. Their job raising kids and a household is probably harder than a man going to his work. Like I mentioned, it's the mindset of the man that indicates equality, or lack of.

And, thanks for the civil debate.
What is telling to me is that you mentioned she invites you over when he is not there.....you and he don't get along. You come across as opinionated, but not necessarily controlling. Opinionated people are often times not diplomatic. (I am married to an opinionated man who is not always very diplomatic)

I find that when I invite people over for dinner, it's an expression of caring on my part. If I am serving up dishes and someone says, no let me do my own, it probably would annoy me, but I probably wouldn't say anything (I dislike confrontation). The biggest thing here is that you have a sibling dynamic going on, and people do and say things to their siblings that they would never to other people. (just my observation, I only have step-siblings, and it really isn't the same)

So if you are really concerned about you behavior being controlling, pay attention to it more, think about how you phrase things, ask instead of tell. If you had said to your sister, "would you mind much if I dished up my own bowl." I am fairly certain she would not have called you controlling.
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Old 11-02-2011, 03:58 PM
 
Location: Noblesville, IN
3,695 posts, read 4,073,483 times
Reputation: 6220
Quote:
Originally Posted by PJ8 View Post
Does she force-feed it to you ^ ? If not, then just leave what you don't want on your dish. It's as simple as that. And if it causes an argument, then stop going there to eat.
Uh, of course. I was commenting on the post...not going into a great amount of detail on my situation. I actually don't deal with this sister...at all. And I also hate to waste food. Really, you'd have to know her to understand that it's a deeper issue with her so it makes it a deeper issue with me.

And in my family, it is NEVER "as simple as that". Please trust me on this one. I still do exactly as I need to, for my own benefit, but it's not without cost. And obviously, she does not force feed me...FOOD...but to hear her mouth later...well, bleh...sorry to bring it up again.

Good luck to the poster...it'll hopefully all work out.
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Old 11-03-2011, 09:41 AM
 
6,274 posts, read 6,062,566 times
Reputation: 3581
Another thing is how women over use the expression "you are so controlling". Sometimes it seems women say this just because they didn't get things their way.
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Old 11-03-2011, 03:34 PM
 
Location: In my skin
9,043 posts, read 14,268,551 times
Reputation: 8900
Quote:
Originally Posted by DFOR View Post
Yesterday I get home from work and getting ready to make a salad for myself, (my wife is out of town). My sister calls and asks if I want to come down for Italian Wedding Soup.

I say, sure, be there in 30 minutes. I go down to her house maybe once a week when my wife travels. I get there, and we get ready to eat at the center island (me, my sister and her two kids, her fiance was still working).

A little background about her. She does not work. Fiance doesn't want her to; just keep the house up, cook and raise the kids, 11 and 13.

So, anyway, I say to her as she is filling up a bowl, "that can be yours or the kids, I'll fill my own bowl." She shakes her head and says "you're so controlling."

First off, I don't need to sit there and be catered to. Secondly, she heaps food on the plate. Has no idea what portion control is, so I wanted to do my own. She KNOWS this, I say it every time.

OK, was I controlling?
Based on this particular scenario, no.
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Old 11-03-2011, 03:42 PM
 
Location: The D-M-V area
13,694 posts, read 15,588,561 times
Reputation: 9519
She's the one who's controlling.

She didn't like you taking control in HER KITCHEN.
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