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Old 10-10-2011, 10:14 PM
 
1,615 posts, read 2,207,117 times
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I'm a 34 year old male. My mom gets very upset when i disagree with her about something that has to do with MY life. If i don't follow what she says she says that i'm trying to start an argument. and then shames me and calls me a baby when i get upset.

i recently got a cat and i don't want to get it declawed. My mom disagreed and i even went on the internet and found out info on why you shouldn't declaw your cat. Before i even began speaking she said 'i'm not going through this with you ' i'm not going to argue with you about this.

I don't live with her and i don't understand why it's any of her business anyway. But she actually felt betrayed that i didn't declaw my cat and said that i never listen.

I don't understand, is it wrong for a 34 year old to be able to make his own decision? does it make me an 'argument starter' that i don't want to be told what to do 100 percent of the time at age 34?

I think it's her who is the argument starter since she thinks that everyone has to follow by her will. So really she's starting the argument.

The same thing happens when it comes to changing jobs or any type of personal decision. Even it's explained to her that I hate something. I have two bachelors degrees and she couldn't understand why i wasn't happy making 8 dollars an hour at a gas station. I never wanted to go to college in the first place, it was something she got me to do through name calling and fear tactics. At that time i was working at a pretzelmaker and not ready to go to college, yet went because i was tired of hearing about how id' never be a sucess without a degree. After I got my two degrees she couldn't understand why i cared about having a career.

I don't get it.
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Old 10-10-2011, 10:53 PM
 
Location: In a chartreuse microbus
3,853 posts, read 5,286,970 times
Reputation: 8011
Only you know the full history here; it sounds as though she has never been happy with anything you've ever done in life. Think back and reflect on this. In addition, recall her encounters and conversations with others in the past. Has it been the same deal? Is she forever giving advice and/or criticism? There is no pleasing someone like this. I know!
Get distance from her. It will be the only way you'll have some peace.
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Old 10-10-2011, 11:37 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
31,274 posts, read 19,747,462 times
Reputation: 45144
She can disagree and argue all she likes. Only you can control whether or not it upsets you.

She doesn't sound like someone you can reason with, so don't waste your breath. You can tell her anything you want, she has no control over what you actually do.
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Old 10-10-2011, 11:39 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,810,812 times
Reputation: 8956
Talk about the weather. Keep your business to yourself.
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Old 10-11-2011, 05:17 AM
 
Location: St Thomas, US Virgin Islands
24,671 posts, read 58,119,644 times
Reputation: 26518
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
She can disagree and argue all she likes. Only you can control whether or not it upsets you.

She doesn't sound like someone you can reason with, so don't waste your breath. You can tell her anything you want, she has no control over what you actually do.
Agree. Put her on "mute" and watch her mouth move if you must, nod once in a while and then go and do exactly as you darn well please. The poor thing's life is so miserable and you're just something for her to take it out on.
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Old 10-11-2011, 06:18 AM
 
663 posts, read 937,971 times
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I would ignore most anything she says. She can't argue if no one chooses to argue with her. Your cat, your degrees, your career, your life. Some people cannot be pleased and are just unhappy people. I think it's natural, to a point, to try to please one's parents but why bother if they can't be pleased? She's demonstrated over and over what she's going to do and being pleased is not it.

My parents are both like this and I pay no attention to it. My dad is one miserable, hard to be around human being. My mom is just flat annoying and living several states away from me, well, no complaining on my end about that. They can disagree with me all they want to, I simply do not care.

Hopefully you're not financially dependent on your mom. Some of the things you mentioned make it sound as though you might be? If you are, I'd work on getting the heck out of there a lot harder than spending time/energy worrying about the way she is. She isn't changing, only you can.
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Old 10-11-2011, 06:22 AM
 
663 posts, read 937,971 times
Reputation: 940
Re-read your post and see that you don't live with her, so that's good.....glad I was mistaken. That said, you have even less reason to listen to her, so don't.
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Old 10-11-2011, 06:23 AM
 
Location: Northside Of Jacksonville
3,284 posts, read 6,086,550 times
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You can't reason with the unreasonable.
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Old 10-11-2011, 06:41 AM
 
Location: The Mitten
793 posts, read 1,109,951 times
Reputation: 630
She seems to show some signs of caring, about the decisions you make. I think you should look forward more. Why does your mom think it'll be a better idea to declaw your cat? I hate cats, so if I ever had one, it'll be declawed. However, I'd declaw it for the sake of some cats going mangy on stuff you possess. This is something your mom is probably thinking about too, but doesn't really want to argue her point because she knows you'll just rebuttal it.

Same thing goes with your career change. Maybe she fears for you and the only way to express that is to be hurtful. It may seem like she is going to argue everything you put out, but if she didn't care, I'm sure she wouldn't even bother giving you the time of day.

Mothers, or parents altogether, can be like this. My mom has put my brother and sister through college, paid for their tuition, computers and everything else. For me though, sense I have a better relationship with my dad, she tells me to get help from my dad first before asking her. However, she has helped me get resumes done, coach me through some tough challenges, and helped me out finding a job. While she is weird about somethings I do, I realize it's just her way of saying, "I care."
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Old 10-11-2011, 07:05 AM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
9,371 posts, read 17,964,804 times
Reputation: 18405
Some parents go too far in trying to micro-manage their children's lives, even into adulthood. The more you enable her, the more she'll continue to assert herself and try and manipulate you into doing things her way.

Hold your ground and just do what you want to do. What's the worst that can happen? Does she pay your rent, your bills, student loans? If you are your own man and pay your own way, then all she can do is verbally disapprove and once it's out of her system you both can move on. Don't take it to heart. She is the way she is and she'll never change. Be the bigger person, just humor her and do what's best for you.
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