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I had several friends in high school, but it seems every potential friendship that has formed in college has ended in catastrophe. I had lived in a house where I loved the people and had many friends, only to get kicked out because a girl complained that she felt uncomfortable around me. After that I didn't feel comfortable talking to any of those people because I felt they would judge me. I had a girlfriend last year who I broke up with, and then lost contact with all of our mutual friends. I had a friend this summer who promised to go on a trip with me, and at the last minute, without even telling me or anyone else, flew back home. I have had a rough life with fighting parents, abusive siblings, and divorce, so I find it very difficult now to trust anyone. I feel so isolated and alone. I feel like I can't get close to anyone, and now I'm a senior so all I want to do is focus on my classes. I guess I'm wondering if anyone has any advice for me, or if you guys think there is some hope for the future. I don't want to become a misanthrope and be alone for the rest of my life. But right now, I feel like I have to distance myself from people.
I had several friends in high school, but it seems every potential friendship that has formed in college has ended in catastrophe. I had lived in a house where I loved the people and had many friends, only to get kicked out because a girl complained that she felt uncomfortable around me. After that I didn't feel comfortable talking to any of those people because I felt they would judge me. I had a girlfriend last year who I broke up with, and then lost contact with all of our mutual friends. I had a friend this summer who promised to go on a trip with me, and at the last minute, without even telling me or anyone else, flew back home. I have had a rough life with fighting parents, abusive siblings, and divorce, so I find it very difficult now to trust anyone. I feel so isolated and alone. I feel like I can't get close to anyone, and now I'm a senior so all I want to do is focus on my classes. I guess I'm wondering if anyone has any advice for me, or if you guys think there is some hope for the future. I don't want to become a misanthrope and be alone for the rest of my life. But right now, I feel like I have to distance myself from people.
Personally, if I were you, I would forget relationships for the next five years and focus strictly on making something of myself. You will be better for it, and anybody you meet down the road will value you more.
If, during those five years, you happen to meet the "love of your life", then go for it, but I certainly wouldn't be focusing on it or obsessing about it.
It's waaaaaaaay too soon to be worrying about spending your life alone. Seriously.
I have given up on people.. Worrying about impressing people will get you no where fast as you are learning. Trust in God , or whatever higher power you believe in and then let all the feeble, crazy and chaotic humans of the Earth come to seek you for friendship.
One thing I have learned in life is that in order to make friends you must be a friend first. This means being a friend to people who even treat you like crap. Heck, I have given to those who have cursed me , but what I learned is that those type of people hate themselves and don't really have any real friends.
You seem to answer the question for yourself. You said yourself you feel right now you have to distance yourself from people.
You can use that time to work on loving yourself more. Not to be mean but you seem to have some self esteem issues. It might not be easy but you have to find the thing that works for you to help you gain more self esteem. For some it may be playing sports or getting a job you like, etc.
Don't worry if you want friends later on I'm sure you can find people to hang with. But remember friends come and go as you've experienced already. Finding a true friend is much harder. Good Luck.
Life has many twists and turns. I went through that in college. Every year I was dealing with strangers because my friends were transferring all over the place. It was tough. I felt alone at times, but fought through it by immersing myself in hobbies and such.
As for girls, and women, it is strange. You may find that you start having more success for almost no reason at all. I wouldn't let being alone get in your head; it really means nothing.
[QUOTE=QuickStudy178;21303230]Personally, if I were you, I would forget relationships for the next five years and focus strictly on making something of myself. You will be better for it, and anybody you meet down the road will value you more.
If, during those five years, you happen to meet the "love of your life", then go for it, but I certainly wouldn't be focusing on it or obsessing about it.
It's waaaaaaaay too soon to be worrying about spending your life alone. Seriously.[/quote]
Great advice. Build a foundation now. It's amazing how we get older (Im 35 and missed some things I should have done myself.) and sometimes realize what we should have done for the future. Go out and socialize of course to enjoy life, And build those skills as well. You have your whole life ahead of you OP-Best wishes and may your future be positive and bright!
I had several friends in high school, but it seems every potential friendship that has formed in college has ended in catastrophe. I had lived in a house where I loved the people and had many friends, only to get kicked out because a girl complained that she felt uncomfortable around me. After that I didn't feel comfortable talking to any of those people because I felt they would judge me. I had a girlfriend last year who I broke up with, and then lost contact with all of our mutual friends. I had a friend this summer who promised to go on a trip with me, and at the last minute, without even telling me or anyone else, flew back home. I have had a rough life with fighting parents, abusive siblings, and divorce, so I find it very difficult now to trust anyone. I feel so isolated and alone. I feel like I can't get close to anyone, and now I'm a senior so all I want to do is focus on my classes. I guess I'm wondering if anyone has any advice for me, or if you guys think there is some hope for the future. I don't want to become a misanthrope and be alone for the rest of my life. But right now, I feel like I have to distance myself from people.
You are VERY young and VERY smart. Like what everyone else has said, I would just focus on bettering your life for right now. Distractions will come A LOT in life, so its better to be focused now and ready when they it.
When you disagree with one friend out of a group, don't lose contact with your other friends just because of it. What did they have to do with it? And maybe they don't agree with the falling out you two had. I would still be friends with the other people in the group. I've had a falling out with people and decided to leave the whole group alone, and had lost 5 friends, maybe more because of it.
Worry about yourself first. You are at the right age to get things in order. Do that, then be concerned about friends once you have a solid foundation.
I'm sorry to hear about that. It saddens me when I hear that people don't have friends, and as humans, we are never meant to be isolated and alone. Try to get to know people from your classes because that's how I got my friends. We've been friends for 4-5 years now, starting as a freshmen and still continues after college. I am willing (if you are located in MN) to show you around. That is unless you already know the city.
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