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Old 10-29-2011, 11:24 AM
 
5,702 posts, read 16,216,786 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rift View Post
I'm kind of in a similar sitution with one of my "friends."

I say don't make an effort to contact her and see if she will ever contact you. I'm not saying to actually just wait around for her to contact you or visit you, but just forget her and a wait a couple of months. If she doesn't attempt to contact you after a period of 2 months or so I would say she is not a friend. 2 months is a long time for one of your friends to simply not contact you with a simple phone call. It's not hard to pick up a phone a make a call.

I actually did this recently. I haven't had any contact with one of my friends for about 2 to 3 months and I tried to contact them a couple of weeks ago and they didn't seem all that interested in talking or hanging out. So, that is it with that person. I will not contact them again.

Friends come and go. Try to make some new friends. That's what I am going to have to do. Good luck
Well that is the thing, I started not calling her about 6 months ago. I mean if I was the one pursuing her all the time and she did this to me then well I would have gotten the hint for sure. She actually calls me. Maybe Im not the norm but I have several other friends that live out of state and we only talk every couple of months. We just pick up where we left off. No big deal. We are all married, have kids, etc. But when I do talk to them, they actually talk to me. I guess I'm at the point now whether or not I should even answer her calls. I guess what i need to do is simply cut her short when she does this and say I have to hang up. Thanks everyone your input. It felt good to vent about it.
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Old 10-29-2011, 11:43 AM
 
7,298 posts, read 8,675,219 times
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Quote:
When is that moment you realized a friendship has run its course?
You're at that moment now. When you'd rather not speak with the person than speak with them. When you realize you'd be just fine if you didn't see them again. When a friendship is proving to leave you feeling more frustrated than when you don't talk to them... those are some of the signs, and you've reached them.

I've (unfortunately) had a lot of friendships that have run their courses. It's painful, but I've come to learn that some friendships are not supposed to last forever...or even past a decade. It makes way for new people to come into your life, this letting go of friendships that are no longer working for you.
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Old 10-29-2011, 12:41 PM
 
Location: Mostly in my head
19,832 posts, read 56,108,815 times
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I had a friend that I gradually realized never contacted me, I did all the calling and arranging for activities. I quit calling and moved out if state. Nine months later she called to ask where I was. I explained briefly, we caught up, and that that was that. You got some good advice about how to handle her calls.

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Old 10-29-2011, 12:44 PM
 
2,495 posts, read 3,645,801 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fallingwater View Post
We are both female, married with kids. Thanks for your input though. I have to say I have never met anyone with such bad phone manners. Its kind of shocking to me.
oops, my response was sort of off. My apologies, i'm sure you get the pt I was trying to make...
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Old 10-29-2011, 12:48 PM
 
5,702 posts, read 16,216,786 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Percentage View Post
oops, my response was sort of off. My apologies, i'm sure you get the pt I was trying to make...
I did.
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Old 10-29-2011, 01:56 PM
 
Location: South FL
9,444 posts, read 15,426,153 times
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I don't think your friend is losing interest in you. I think your friend is lacking basic manners, I also think that she hasn't learned how to be a caring friend. I think if she lost interest in you, she wouldn't call you at all.
To me this sounds like a basic case of selfishness and an interesting thing is, I don't even think she realizes it at all. In her eyes, I think, she is not doing anything wrong, she is not even giving it a second thought. You know why? I think because no-one had ever confronted her and told her how bothersome her behavior is: bad phone manners, not going out of her way for you, not visiting you...

How much do you value her as a friend? Does she enrich your life and would you miss her if she was no longer in it? Losing a friendship is a very sad, sinking feeling in your heart, I have experienced it before. I also regret not putting ALL my efforts into saving it, because I probably lost a good person. My excuse was: "Oh well, she was here for a season...and the season is over". The "season" is an excuse I hear very often by the way. Season-shmeason, sometimes there is a reason this friend is in our life. I say that you should talk to her and tell her how you feel, and if she doesn't make more of an effort after your conversation, then at least you will know that you tried.
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Old 10-29-2011, 02:03 PM
 
530 posts, read 604,841 times
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I believe you should expedite in a timely manner a sufficient and gregarious plan, one that leads to a meritorious and satisfactory logical solution for your situation.

Translation.......run like hell.
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Old 10-29-2011, 02:13 PM
 
18,852 posts, read 31,767,200 times
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I have had friendships that just seem to end, no big deal, just changes in my life or theirs. Others, you lose contact, meet back up, and it is just like yesterday, not 15 years ago. Move on, maybe you will re-connect later.
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Old 10-30-2011, 08:18 PM
 
11,682 posts, read 14,452,012 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Coolhand68 View Post
I would say don't bother going out of your way to break off the friendship, but don't bother going out of your way to reach out either. Leave it up to her to see if she makes any effort, but don't sitting around waiting for the phone to ring. Make some new friends and if she really wants to be your friend she'll put in the time and effort.
I've had to do this a couple of times myself. I had one friend in particular who would never initiate contact - phone, email, IM, or in person. When I realized it and stopped making the effort, I got an email from him months later asking what happened to me, etc.. I was not angry, but I asked him if his phone was stolen, or his internet was down for the last few months. He got the point pretty quickly. We are good friends to this day and he emailed me the other day all on his own.
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Old 10-30-2011, 09:01 PM
 
519 posts, read 917,231 times
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If you're really friends then you owe it to her to have a heart to heart.

Tell her everything you've told us - you can give her an ultimatum (I would) or you can take a softer approach.

Sup to you.

All relationships take work eventually - this is what it means - having tough conversations.

Good luck xxx
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