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Old 10-30-2011, 09:25 PM
 
479 posts, read 730,710 times
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Seems friendships come and go like seasons. Looking back over the years; still several I'll think of from time to time. Hope life's being good to them, etc. The best ones are catalyst for growth.
Spaces to grow from or into.

Sometimes I think it might be nice to catch up again; but I've grown so much, as I'm sure they have too. Don't really care to revisit the context of what life was then. Being content with the in-between sense of "now."

In 2008, a good friend and his wife moved away...I'd served in their wedding. For eight years, lots of adventures, regular activities and fun. Kept up well through 2010. Visited when my own travels took me in their direction. Passing through he never stopped once. 2011 I also ended up moving...

We haven't caught up in six months. Part of me says to ring him up. Part of me says to let the river flow on to whatever the next moment brings. 'Til we meet again.

Seems the period in-between has been helpful to myself in adjusting to a new life situation. New city, adapting to a new local culture, etc. Sometimes one has to let go of the old in life; to make room for the new.

I've read some good post on the topic. Just kind of reminded me of my own life experiences.
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Old 10-30-2011, 09:31 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,849,575 times
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From the little you shared, I get the image of someone who is addicted to talking . . . TO ANYONE, just for the sake of talking . . . she sounds very selfish and preoccupied and rude, as you said.

I would take the advice of other posters and take a step back and see what she does - I personally would ask her why she has never visited you, but it is probably because she is too self-absorbed.

If she clicks over to another line, if she is not back in 10 seconds, adios! Same with talking to someone in her home . . .I would just hang up . . .she SHOULD call you back and apologize for her atrocious manners, but don't hold your breath. What do you like about her?
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Old 10-30-2011, 10:36 PM
 
Location: California
30,684 posts, read 33,450,741 times
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I have a phone friend who has done all that and more. It was annoying and she knows it so now she usually calls when she alone and has told people not to bother her. We do forgive the occasional "hold on a sec" or "let me call you back" moments when a parent or child calls us because we've both had our fair share of family emergencies.

I've had friendships with coworkers that fell by the wayside once we stopped working together but the couple friends I've made in the last 20 years or so I've make a real effort to keep going. Sometimes we do drift for weeks or even months but eventually we get together again. They go through cycles it seems.

Quote:
Sometimes one has to let go of the old in life; to make room for the new.
Excellent advise. I've taken it myself and told it to my kids when they go through a big change (moving away to college, moving to a new city, etc). I saw how it was when they were trying to hold onto the past while letting the present, and what what right in front of them, pass them by.
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Old 11-08-2011, 08:20 PM
 
Location: GA
1,241 posts, read 1,598,554 times
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I've cut people this year because I began asking myself that important question: How do I feel when I talk/interact with that person? If I feel extremely annoyed, attacked, put down, discouraged, or here negativity from someone who pretends to "check on you/care for you" then that person has to go. Life is too short. Don't welcome negative energy into your life. You know based off what someone shows you if they really love you or not.
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Old 11-10-2011, 08:32 PM
 
Location: GA
1,241 posts, read 1,598,554 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hatgirl007 View Post
I've cut people this year because I began asking myself that important question: How do I feel when I talk/interact with that person? If I feel extremely annoyed, attacked, put down, discouraged, or hear negativity from someone who pretends to "check on you/care for you" then that person has to go. Life is too short. Don't welcome negative energy into your life. You know based off what someone shows you if they really love you or not.
I choose to be surrounded by love and true friends rather than 20 people who act like Judas.
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Old 11-14-2011, 12:23 PM
 
5,702 posts, read 16,180,463 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
From the little you shared, I get the image of someone who is addicted to talking . . . TO ANYONE, just for the sake of talking . . . she sounds very selfish and preoccupied and rude, as you said.

I would take the advice of other posters and take a step back and see what she does - I personally would ask her why she has never visited you, but it is probably because she is too self-absorbed.

If she clicks over to another line, if she is not back in 10 seconds, adios! Same with talking to someone in her home . . .I would just hang up . . .she SHOULD call you back and apologize for her atrocious manners, but don't hold your breath. What do you like about her?
I think you have something here. She is a tad hyper and talks very fast. She also told me a while back her teenage daughter yelled at her for texting and driving. Apparently she is really bad about it. I like to text but there has never been a conversation where I felt the need to risk my life. She has made some general comments to me on Facebook but hasn't called me and I haven't called her. I really don't know what to make of it but she might be addicted like you say. Ah well.
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Old 09-19-2013, 03:07 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 10,037,054 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fallingwater View Post
Thanks, actually she calls me. I think this is why Im annoyed and confused. I mean I like talking to her but the phone manners drive me nuts. When we saw each other at school (we went to college together) the whole phone thing didnt bother me as much because I was seeing her the next day. Now that we only talk on the phone, its become more than just an annoying quirk. I'm just wondering now if I should even answer anymore.
This sounds so familiar. As much as it broke my heart to do so, I had to quit answering the phone, when a long time friend would call. It was the same way...she'd call, then answer multiple calls, have conversations with whomever in the background, yell at the dogs, yell at the cat, yell at the kids, all while I was sitting there at the end of the line, wondering what in the hell she even called about! "She just wanted to call and see how I was doing." No, she never asked how things were, how the family was, what I was doing with myself, she called because she was lonely and bored and needed to talk to someone.

Yeah...don't get it. If you call to talk to someone, you talk to THEM or hang up the frigging phone, so they can get back to whatever it was they were doing. If an important call comes in, you tell them you'll call back at a better time. Some people are so rude, and are best moved from "friend" status to "acquaintance" status. It's a better fit there.
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Old 09-19-2013, 03:28 PM
 
Location: Not where I want to be
4,826 posts, read 7,269,892 times
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When I'm on the phone with someone and they put me on "hold" for their call waiting, I just hang up. There is caller ID and they know who is calling so it's not like they "have to" take the call in case it's an emergency or something. If you're on the phone with me, you're on the phone with me. I don't "do" call waiting. When they call back, I just say "oh, I think we got cut off"

When I'm on the phone with someone and they start having a conversation with someone else, I just hang up. That is beyond rude! When they call back, I just say "oh, I thought you had to go because you were talking to ______"

This person is not a friend. It's unfortunate that she won't stop by your new place when she's driving through. She just sounds like a selfish person. I would drop her.
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Old 09-20-2013, 04:06 PM
 
2,761 posts, read 4,139,308 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fallingwater View Post
When is that moment you realized a friendship has run its course? I have been going through a transition in my life which included a relocation from my hometown and starting anew. It hasn't been easy in the friend department. Recently I am starting to think a 7 year friendship from back home has run its course. I feel kind of bad about it because I think this woman is a nice person but her lack of phone manners and overall effort is making me think its time to move on.

Although I only live a few hours away, I find that she wants me to make the effort to see her and not the other way around. I come home to visit family but trying to see everyone in a short weekend can be pretty stressful for me. I spend the whole weekend running from one place to the next. This friend has never made an effort to see me in my new place. What bothers me about this is I am on the way to Chicago and she has been there several times in the past couple of years. You literally drive right by my house on the way. I live 2 minutes off the freeway. I have invited her several times and she says stuff like, "ya that sounds great" which sounds genuine but she never stops by. When she isn't being rude, we do have nice conversations and still have a lot in common.

Now that we don't see each other in person that often, we mostly talk on the phone. She never had that great of phone manners (the type that will be in a store check out line with the phone glued to her ear) but now that this is our main source of communication, I am at my wits end with her poor manners. She is horrible about starting conversations with people within her household while on the phone with me. No, "hold on a sec, my son needs something." She simply starts talking to them. So I will be in the middle of telling her something and she will say, "ya, its in the fridge." Im like huh? She then goes on asking whomever how their day was. I then realize she is no longer speaking to me or listening. I wait for her to be done and when she does come back to our phone conversation, I ask her if she wants to get off the phone. She says no but then will do the same thing again a little later. I have told her before in a nice way that this pretty much irks me. She told me her family comes first. I have no problem with her making her family first but how about just saying I need to get off the phone?

She is also horrible about switching over to the other line to answer an incoming call. Sometimes she leaves me on hold for a bit and I start to wonder if I should just hang up. Then she is back. I hate this. This last time she did it again and I timed it. 10 minutes! I got pissed and hung up. She didnt call back and I didnt bother calling her. I can't imagine doing this to someone. The next day she sent me a text saying something came up and she would call me as soon as she got off work. That was 3 days ago. I have yet to hear from her. Just from past experience, nothing really came up. She simply got involved in talking to someone else. The whole thing just feels awkward to me now. *sigh*
Your friend isn't nearly as good of a friend to you as you are to her.
I call these kind of people a 'friend of convenience'.
This is easy to test out. Don't call her for as long as it takes her to call you. Plus, don't visit her when you go back home.
I'm betting you won't hear from her and she will disappear. That isn't really a friend. It is someone who takes advantage of you being her friend.
Sounds like from the way she acts, even though it has been a 7 year 'friendship', you wont be missing much there
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Old 09-20-2013, 07:40 PM
 
1,035 posts, read 1,653,159 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fallingwater View Post
When is that moment you realized a friendship has run its course?
When I realize my life would be better without them in it.
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