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Old 10-29-2011, 01:44 AM
 
5,703 posts, read 16,127,345 times
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When is that moment you realized a friendship has run its course? I have been going through a transition in my life which included a relocation from my hometown and starting anew. It hasn't been easy in the friend department. Recently I am starting to think a 7 year friendship from back home has run its course. I feel kind of bad about it because I think this woman is a nice person but her lack of phone manners and overall effort is making me think its time to move on.

Although I only live a few hours away, I find that she wants me to make the effort to see her and not the other way around. I come home to visit family but trying to see everyone in a short weekend can be pretty stressful for me. I spend the whole weekend running from one place to the next. This friend has never made an effort to see me in my new place. What bothers me about this is I am on the way to Chicago and she has been there several times in the past couple of years. You literally drive right by my house on the way. I live 2 minutes off the freeway. I have invited her several times and she says stuff like, "ya that sounds great" which sounds genuine but she never stops by. When she isn't being rude, we do have nice conversations and still have a lot in common.

Now that we don't see each other in person that often, we mostly talk on the phone. She never had that great of phone manners (the type that will be in a store check out line with the phone glued to her ear) but now that this is our main source of communication, I am at my wits end with her poor manners. She is horrible about starting conversations with people within her household while on the phone with me. No, "hold on a sec, my son needs something." She simply starts talking to them. So I will be in the middle of telling her something and she will say, "ya, its in the fridge." Im like huh? She then goes on asking whomever how their day was. I then realize she is no longer speaking to me or listening. I wait for her to be done and when she does come back to our phone conversation, I ask her if she wants to get off the phone. She says no but then will do the same thing again a little later. I have told her before in a nice way that this pretty much irks me. She told me her family comes first. I have no problem with her making her family first but how about just saying I need to get off the phone?

She is also horrible about switching over to the other line to answer an incoming call. Sometimes she leaves me on hold for a bit and I start to wonder if I should just hang up. Then she is back. I hate this. This last time she did it again and I timed it. 10 minutes! I got pissed and hung up. She didnt call back and I didnt bother calling her. I can't imagine doing this to someone. The next day she sent me a text saying something came up and she would call me as soon as she got off work. That was 3 days ago. I have yet to hear from her. Just from past experience, nothing really came up. She simply got involved in talking to someone else. The whole thing just feels awkward to me now. *sigh*

Last edited by fallingwater; 10-29-2011 at 01:47 AM.. Reason: spelling
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Old 10-29-2011, 02:46 AM
 
2,495 posts, read 3,609,598 times
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Nothing more repulsive than a person like the one you've just described in terms of the phone mannerism. I cant stand it, very rude and inconsiderate. My advise (and I usually try Not to give negative feedback) is to drop that chick-en like a bad habit. She wont even notice the difference tho, because she is seeing someone else. I guarantee you there is a steady lay that frequents her place.

"Her family comes first" I bet you she is mostly getting calls from her "male" family members lol. Lose that chick if you know what is good for you. You need to work on your self esteem. You must let these women know that your time is important. No one should be put on hold for 10 minutes, if an emergency call must be answered, then ask her to call back when she has the time. She has pegged you as a pushover and is simply showing you she pulls the string in this "friendship."
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Old 10-29-2011, 03:01 AM
 
Location: Southern California
3,115 posts, read 7,223,305 times
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If she calls you, talk to her! And enjoy it!

If she puts you on hold, wait 30 seconds or so, and if she doesn't come back, hang up - she's obviously busy, and so are you, so give up on that particular call.

If she starts talking to someone else, while on the phone with you, interrupt her, and say you have to step out, or make another call, or whatever, but it was great talking to her, and hang up.

If she doesn't call you for weeks or months, figure that the friendship has run it's course, and that's your answer.

If she suddenly wants to drop by on her way to Chicago, welcome her with open arms!

In other words, I would take a step back and see if she really wants to be friends still. If she does, she'll find a way to make it work. And if she doesn't? Well, that happens! Lots of friendships peter out - especially when one of the friends moves away.
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Old 10-29-2011, 06:42 AM
 
Location: Whereever we have our RV parked
8,666 posts, read 7,634,820 times
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The woman is no friend. ITs over, move on.
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Old 10-29-2011, 09:38 AM
 
5,703 posts, read 16,127,345 times
Reputation: 8557
Quote:
Originally Posted by Percentage View Post
Nothing more repulsive than a person like the one you've just described in terms of the phone mannerism. I cant stand it, very rude and inconsiderate. My advise (and I usually try Not to give negative feedback) is to drop that chick-en like a bad habit. She wont even notice the difference tho, because she is seeing someone else. I guarantee you there is a steady lay that frequents her place.

"Her family comes first" I bet you she is mostly getting calls from her "male" family members lol. Lose that chick if you know what is good for you. You need to work on your self esteem. You must let these women know that your time is important. No one should be put on hold for 10 minutes, if an emergency call must be answered, then ask her to call back when she has the time. She has pegged you as a pushover and is simply showing you she pulls the string in this "friendship."
We are both female, married with kids. Thanks for your input though. I have to say I have never met anyone with such bad phone manners. Its kind of shocking to me.
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Old 10-29-2011, 09:46 AM
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
9,371 posts, read 17,964,804 times
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I would say don't bother going out of your way to break off the friendship, but don't bother going out of your way to reach out either. Leave it up to her to see if she makes any effort, but don't sitting around waiting for the phone to ring. Make some new friends and if she really wants to be your friend she'll put in the time and effort.
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Old 10-29-2011, 09:50 AM
 
19,081 posts, read 21,830,534 times
Reputation: 13432
Quote:
Originally Posted by Percentage View Post
Nothing more repulsive than a person like the one you've just described in terms of the phone mannerism. I cant stand it, very rude and inconsiderate. My advise (and I usually try Not to give negative feedback) is to drop that chick-en like a bad habit. She wont even notice the difference tho, because she is seeing someone else. I guarantee you there is a steady lay that frequents her place.

"Her family comes first" I bet you she is mostly getting calls from her "male" family members lol. Lose that chick if you know what is good for you. You need to work on your self esteem. You must let these women know that your time is important. No one should be put on hold for 10 minutes, if an emergency call must be answered, then ask her to call back when she has the time. She has pegged you as a pushover and is simply showing you she pulls the string in this "friendship."
Chicken?
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Old 10-29-2011, 10:18 AM
 
213 posts, read 910,599 times
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I'm kind of in a similar sitution with one of my "friends."

I say don't make an effort to contact her and see if she will ever contact you. I'm not saying to actually just wait around for her to contact you or visit you, but just forget her and a wait a couple of months. If she doesn't attempt to contact you after a period of 2 months or so I would say she is not a friend. 2 months is a long time for one of your friends to simply not contact you with a simple phone call. It's not hard to pick up a phone a make a call.

I actually did this recently. I haven't had any contact with one of my friends for about 2 to 3 months and I tried to contact them a couple of weeks ago and they didn't seem all that interested in talking or hanging out. So, that is it with that person. I will not contact them again.

Friends come and go. Try to make some new friends. That's what I am going to have to do. Good luck
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Old 10-29-2011, 10:31 AM
 
Location: USA
1,590 posts, read 1,724,290 times
Reputation: 1630
Quote:
Originally Posted by fallingwater View Post
When is that moment you realized a friendship has run its course? I have been going through a transition in my life which included a relocation from my hometown and starting anew. It hasn't been easy in the friend department. Recently I am starting to think a 7 year friendship from back home has run its course. I feel kind of bad about it because I think this woman is a nice person but her lack of phone manners and overall effort is making me think its time to move on.

Although I only live a few hours away, I find that she wants me to make the effort to see her and not the other way around. I come home to visit family but trying to see everyone in a short weekend can be pretty stressful for me. I spend the whole weekend running from one place to the next. This friend has never made an effort to see me in my new place. What bothers me about this is I am on the way to Chicago and she has been there several times in the past couple of years. You literally drive right by my house on the way. I live 2 minutes off the freeway. I have invited her several times and she says stuff like, "ya that sounds great" which sounds genuine but she never stops by. When she isn't being rude, we do have nice conversations and still have a lot in common.

Now that we don't see each other in person that often, we mostly talk on the phone. She never had that great of phone manners (the type that will be in a store check out line with the phone glued to her ear) but now that this is our main source of communication, I am at my wits end with her poor manners. She is horrible about starting conversations with people within her household while on the phone with me. No, "hold on a sec, my son needs something." She simply starts talking to them. So I will be in the middle of telling her something and she will say, "ya, its in the fridge." Im like huh? She then goes on asking whomever how their day was. I then realize she is no longer speaking to me or listening. I wait for her to be done and when she does come back to our phone conversation, I ask her if she wants to get off the phone. She says no but then will do the same thing again a little later. I have told her before in a nice way that this pretty much irks me. She told me her family comes first. I have no problem with her making her family first but how about just saying I need to get off the phone?

She is also horrible about switching over to the other line to answer an incoming call. Sometimes she leaves me on hold for a bit and I start to wonder if I should just hang up. Then she is back. I hate this. This last time she did it again and I timed it. 10 minutes! I got pissed and hung up. She didnt call back and I didnt bother calling her. I can't imagine doing this to someone. The next day she sent me a text saying something came up and she would call me as soon as she got off work. That was 3 days ago. I have yet to hear from her. Just from past experience, nothing really came up. She simply got involved in talking to someone else. The whole thing just feels awkward to me now. *sigh*
Yes, it does sound like she is not interested anymore. It would be best for you to move on. I think that she just doesn't want to tell you to stop calling her, she wants you to stop yourself.
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Old 10-29-2011, 11:01 AM
 
5,703 posts, read 16,127,345 times
Reputation: 8557
Quote:
Originally Posted by DayLight1555 View Post
Yes, it does sound like she is not interested anymore. It would be best for you to move on. I think that she just doesn't want to tell you to stop calling her, she wants you to stop yourself.
Thanks, actually she calls me. I think this is why Im annoyed and confused. I mean I like talking to her but the phone manners drive me nuts. When we saw each other at school (we went to college together) the whole phone thing didnt bother me as much because I was seeing her the next day. Now that we only talk on the phone, its become more than just an annoying quirk. I'm just wondering now if I should even answer anymore.
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