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Ok, I sort of understand where you are coming from as well, BUT I have MUCH more insight on life, at age 62, that YOU do! Bullying is wrong, but the person getting bullied DOES need to take a BIG TIME look at themselves and ask "why is this happening" and go from there. Some people will do/say things that will cause people to bully them......right or wrong, but simple FACT!
During part of my high school years, the bus drivers grandson use to flip the back of my ears when I'd sit in the seat in front of him. Sometimes there was no other seat available when I got on the bus. I'd tell him to stop, and of course, that didn't do any good. Finally, the week before I startered driving a car to school, I turned around and popped the kid in the eye with my fist. The kid was completely shocked and his granddad (the bus driver) looked up in the mirror and said "you deserved that, Jeff". The kid had a blackeye the next morning when he came on the bus and some of the other kids thought I was a hero for doing it! Of course I don't suggest doing something like that today because knives and guns have replaced fists, but back then it worked and made me happy and truely raised my confidence level!
I'm sorry but
I don't agree with this at all. The person making the trouble should be the one getting reprimanded for it. (the bully). I don't understand this whole focus on the victim and make them feel worse then they already do mentality. People who preach this are no better then the bully.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,004,411 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBoating
Ok, I sort of understand where you are coming from as well, BUT I have MUCH more insight on life, at age 62, that YOU do! Bullying is wrong, but the person getting bullied DOES need to take a BIG TIME look at themselves and ask "why is this happening" and go from there. Some people will do/say things that will cause people to bully them......right or wrong, but simple FACT!
During part of my high school years, the bus drivers grandson use to flip the back of my ears when I'd sit in the seat in front of him. Sometimes there was no other seat available when I got on the bus. I'd tell him to stop, and of course, that didn't do any good. Finally, the week before I startered driving a car to school, I turned around and popped the kid in the eye with my fist. The kid was completely shocked and his granddad (the bus driver) looked up in the mirror and said "you deserved that, Jeff". The kid had a blackeye the next morning when he came on the bus and some of the other kids thought I was a hero for doing it! Of course I don't suggest doing something like that today because knives and guns have replaced fists, but back then it worked and made me happy and truely raised my confidence level!
First of all, you're not that much older than me so how much more insight you could be so sure you have, I'm not so sure.
I rolled this around in my head for a long time, the-- he made me do it mentality. I'm sorry. I'm not buying it. At what point are we expected to say we should be big enough to walk away from someone whose looks we don't like....to someone we think should be picked on because they look or act whimpy.... It's absurd. Be responsible for your actions and your urges to make others feel fear and pain. If you can't, get help, fast.
A lot of people with these so-called whimpy, weak personalities are doing the best they can but coming from a home where they're abused in one way or another, physically, emotionally, sexually. They've been beat down so low they walk around in a shell because at home, it doesn't matter what they do, it won't be good enough and it's going to get them abused. Then they have to go to school and worry about bullies there too? This is how I think of it; people are placed before us every single day of our lives to test our character or whatever--for whatever reason. When you lower yourself to bullying because your victim 'made you do it' by their looks or personality, you just failed in a bigger way than you know--but will...sooner or later. Me, I won't excuse it by blaming the victim, no matter how weak or vulnerable they may be. People are who they are. If you can't accept them as they are....weak...vulnerable...whimpy....ugly...poor.. .uneducated...timid...move on! Don't look at them! Or better yet, walk up to them and try saying something nice to them. Offer to help them with something. Sit down and have lunch with them. It might make their day. Their week. Their year! It might be all they need to bring them out of their shell and change their lives--to see they are likable...to know that someone cares....
Yeah, I'm an idealistic bleeding heart. I know. But I'd rather be that than someone who gets some kind of pleasure from seeing others suffer.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,004,411 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBoating
I totally understand what you are saying below, but.........
I'm a former EMT who worked with law enforcement and please remember, it's not just that syndrome, there's another part of it as well: "I hate him for breaking up with me so I'll say he raped me! I'll get back at that SOB one way or the other".......until the girl has to fess up to law enforcement about the what really happened.....nothing!
Yes, boys and men are suppose to have control of their actions, but girls/ladies must control their actions and look at what they are wearing as well!
Ok I think we're getting a little off track here but aside from that, this scenario is not a common one but another topic all together.
I'm not unfamiliar with the emotional aspect of the OP's delivery nor what's behind it as I've responded kindly towards him pretty much since he started posting. In fact I did defend him once, behind the lines as it were, when I felt that he was being rather bullied by someone on another thread he started.
There's no question that he's had difficulty in this, his first real job at 20 years old as a stocker and a cashier in a dollar store. Obviously his employers have given him quite a bit of leeway to date, as evidenced by the OP's own words.
What I do see as problematic is when some posters immediately take his side. For example, a problem with a manager who he says is treating him snippily when so many of the responders immediately start on variations of that perpetual, "all managers suck" theme. Now the silly teasing which has in a heartbeat become outright bullying and merits Big Action? Good grief.
Maybe an internet forum isn't necessarily a good avenue to walk down looking for answers when one is a little challenged. Positive input as in, "keep your head up", and "concentrate on your job" work a whole lot better than the negatives which have been tossed around on this thread. By throwing out negatives you only feed his own negativity.
Keep your head up and concentrate on your job was precisely the advice the poster received from me and most of the posters.
So how can this bullying finally end for good? Never joke around ever again? Also any advice on how to fix my reputation at work or at least have the idiots stop picking on me?
Be nice to people. Think of others. Don't do things to intentionally bother people.
In the past I've always just given bullies a taste of their own medicine, but in a funny way. It completely depends on the person, but a few I've snapped back at ended up respecting my ability to hurl clever one-liners right back at them, and eventually it became routine for us to exchange good-natured ribbings. I'm not sure those people were actually even bullies, though. Maybe I just didn't get their style of humor at first. But I'd try to avoid acting upset or angry, because I'm betting that's what they want.
"Hey ******, how long's it been since you've been on a date?" *snicker*
"Well, however many hours it's been since I was with your mom last night." *grinning*
Then, if the bully gets mad you can mention how he can dish out but can't take it, and he'll look pathetic.
You're not being realistic. Do you think the star of the high school football team gets bullied? How about the homecoming queen or the good looking rich kid that gets all the girls? Of course not! It's because they are deemed to have a high social value and people who have a high social value are looked up to, not down to. Also, all of the people I just named have one thing in common: they all exude confidence. People who get bullied are looked down at because they are viewed as lesser than and vulnerable; usually because they come across and shy, insecure, and unconfident.
Once the OP gets some confidence, becomes sure of himself, and lets other know that he's sure of himself, the bullying will decrease. People pick on others when they think they can get away with it.
I am not gonna be popular on this one, but I would have to agree. However, I would have handled it differently than the OP's supervisor(s). Unprofessional, but not bullying.
With that said, the OP needs to look at the facts of any given situation. Let's look at a specific example and take the "need change" situation as a cashier. I think most of us have had a grunt job. Most of us have been a waiter/waitress or worked retail... SOMETHING, right? I know most of us work for someone, right? Or possibly have people work for us? Imagine, as an employer, someone calling you every time they needed something (change) and it is over and over again for the same thing. Each and every single time within a short period of time. When they could have accumulated all of their requests (change) into one simple request given a little bit of initiative.
The OP created the perception received.
Bullying? Really? Granted the reactions are unprofessional, but we all get irritated and we all blow off some steam from time to time. Is it considered bullying when we do it on our own individual basis? What about in this forum when we do not agree with someone? Is that bullying when we pointing out flaws within their argument, by pointing out flaws within their perceived character, then tease amongst those who agree with us?
Simple answer, no. We only view it as bullying to those who want to play victim and who lack the confidence to look inward. I firmly believe there is a point in life where a person can no longer cry victim over and over again without some self-introspection. Which the weak refuse to do. Being teased in not a crime... being vented about in a private conversation is not a crime... can not compare it to a single "rape" situation. If we wanted to go there though with that analogy, I would hope that if I was getting "raped", per a comparison given, after years of it, I would have to ask myself some serious questions. The first being, how did my actions contribute to my circumstance? Did I ever stay stop? Did I ever fight it off? Did I stop walking in the same dark park at the same time of night? Did I not learn anything from the first go around?
There just comes a time when we reach adulthood when we have to ask why is there a trend in the way I/we are being treated. If a person is not willing to answer that question before they continue to place blame over and over again on forces beyond their control... well, it will continue to happen. And they will always be a victim with people offering them affirmations.
We get to a point in life that a person defines how others perceive them. We have to take responsibility.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Unfortunately for the one being bullied, we're not here to grow and evolve to accommodate bullies and certainly not according to a bully's timeline. We all grow and learn and experience our own way in our own time.
Unfortunately for the one being bullied, we're not here to grow and evolve to accommodate bullies and certainly not according to a bully's timeline. We all grow and learn and experience our own way in our own time.
It is not to accommodate the bullies... it is for character, inner strength, personal growth and happiness.
We do not all grow and learn from experience. Some people choose to remain victims until they no longer have a choice. There is more control in taking action versus remaining within they cycle. It is a choice.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 20,004,411 times
Reputation: 9418
Quote:
Originally Posted by MeAndMillie2
It is not to accommodate the bullies... it is for character, inner strength, personal growth and happiness.
We do not all grow and learn from experience. Some people choose to remain victims until they no longer have a choice. There is more control in taking action versus remaining within they cycle. It is a choice.
I understand. But we're all here to learn our own life's path and that isn't always convenient for others. Bullies just need to learn to control themselves, period. When your character flaws or whatever you wish to call them are harmful to others, you do need to accommodate others to change it. How does someone's timidness harm others? It doesn't usually.
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