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I just had a big time argument with a relative & needless to say we will never talk to each other again. Its just something that has been brewing for years & i finally let loose & so did she. Has anyone else "terminated" their relationship with a relative (blood relative or step mom, step dad, etc) ?
I just had a big time argument with a relative & needless to say we will never talk to each other again. Its just something that has been brewing for years & i finally let loose & so did she. Has anyone else "terminated" their relationship with a relative (blood relative or step mom, step dad, etc) ?
While it is sometimes necessary to terminate relationships with truly toxic people, in most cases I think it's best when people can just agree to disagree and give each other a wide berth.
I'm sorry for the stress this relationship added to your life
If you are blood related I do hope you can at least both take the high road going forward and politely coexist at future family functions.
I just had a big time argument with a relative & needless to say we will never talk to each other again. Its just something that has been brewing for years & i finally let loose & so did she. Has anyone else "terminated" their relationship with a relative (blood relative or step mom, step dad, etc) ?
Don't make these kinds of decisions in a hightened state of emotion. Emotions are not logical.
If you need to set a boundary with a toxic person, as loveformountains said, do it when you are in a calm, centered state.
This person is my step mother & we havent seen each other for over 2 yrs. We never really got along & she would always say mean & hurtful things to me about me & my immediate family. I just have had enough. My sister who took her own life almost 4 months ago told me the crap my step mother has been saying about me & a few other family members. One thing my sister never did was lie to me yet my step mother says its not true. BULL**** !
I have been in that situation since last week with my brother
My mom who passed in August (dad is gone too) warned me about my brother's ways (after decades of his being her favorite mom seemed to do an about face on his in her last months) after she passes
My brother had asked me to come down and help him clean out mom's house to get it ready to sell. he asked me to do it because I have a stake in it so i made the necessary airline reservations and took the necessary time off from work
problem is he reverted to his nasty selfish abusive ways and isn't even letting me confirm my trip down there, leaving my plans and work up in the air
i am not going to go into detail but the situation is much more volatile than i am making it appear
i have send him e mails informing him that he needs to confirm if he still needs my presence to help him or else i will cancel the trip and will reverse my vacation plans(and also told him i will never make plane reservations for him ever again because i stand to lose over $300)
as far as family functions go, it's him and his in laws against me. thank God I'm in NY and he's in Ga
what a rotten situation to be in, esp during the holidays
This person is my step mother & we havent seen each other for over 2 yrs. We never really got along & she would always say mean & hurtful things to me about me & my immediate family. I just have had enough.
I don't blame you for being upset
And unless a person is mentally deranged and not responsible for what they are saying, it is never acceptable for them to bad mouth your loved ones.
But don't let her (or anyone) bring you down to their level of misery.
Because make no mistake, a person who treats others this way IS a miserable human being.
Instead, you simply state you will not tolerate their bad manners and get up and walk away.
ALWAYS maintain your cool, never stoop to their level. In fact, their inability to get a rise out of you will just infuriate them.
Leave the person to stew in their own juices. Try hard to take a minute to work up some real pity for them, because someone like this is a pathetic person.
Then let it go and maintain your own peace of mind
Life can be a ***** but i really do have the step mom from hell. The **** she has said & done over the years is unbelievable. Even when i worked for her she sometimes was quite mean but i bit my tongue & never said anything. Its truely over between us & my father knows it. I havent even seen him in over 2 yrs either. He takes his wifes side but thats ok. I know im out of his will (My step mother told my sister).
I terminated my relationship with my father after I found out he cheated on my mom, who I'm really close to. Most people will say, oh that's minor, and I should still have a relationship with him and what not. TBH though, we never really had a good one because how he treated me and the family in general. And once I found out that he pretty much had a whole separate family altogether, I lost the little respect that I did have him.
Obviously, I also paid some consequences for doing so, but I also realize he was affecting my mental health and the family's too much, so I would rather not be associated with him. Would be bring back memories that I'm trying to put away.
Life can be a ***** but i really do have the step mom from hell. The **** she has said & done over the years is unbelievable. Even when i worked for her she sometimes was quite mean but i bit my tongue & never said anything. Its truely over between us & my father knows it. I havent even seen him in over 2 yrs either. He takes his wifes side but thats ok. I know im out of his will (My step mother told my sister).
I can basically understand the way you feel. I've had two different stepdads and the relationships can be a PITA, depending. Of course, relationships with bio relatives can sometimes be just as bad if not worse. My first stepdad was great, second one not so much.
Perhaps when you're not feeling as emotional about it, maybe you'll consider keeping the lines of communication open, at least with your dad. Holidays can sometimes bring out the worst in people.
My dad and me had a falling out a couple years ago on Xmas Eve over something incredibly stupid. Everyone there, including myself, had too much to drink and things were said. Thinking back, what was said wasn't worth fighting over. My dad and me were a lot alike, stubborn to a fault.
Since that time, Xmas Eve 2009, my dad and me communicated very minimally yet only lived an hour apart. Like I said, stubborn. About a year ago he began having serious heart problems and a series of mild heart attacks....no one in the family knew. His health started going downhill fast by this past summer. By this time one of his brothers knew but was sworn to secrecy.
I found out one evening in October my dad had a major heart attack and was in ICU on life support with severe brain damage due to a lack of oxygen for possibly 30 minutes following the heart attack. It took the EMT's 15 minutes to
resuscitate him. Less than 24 hours later, as I am his only child/next of kin, I signed the paperwork to have him removed from life support. He died within 20 minutes of the equipment being shut off. I can still recall almost every second of that excruciating experience and I suspect things will haunt me for a long time.
I'm not trying to be dramatic by relaying my experience but once someone is
dead you can't get back that time.
My dad never remarried after he and my mom split back in the 70's so I never had a stepmom to deal with. He had GF's over the years but never serious enough to remarry. However, if he'd had a wife, I know now I would never have allowed her or my stubborn self to stand in the way of my relationship
with my dad.....of course, I can only say that in retrospect. Hindsight is always 20/20.
I'm not telling you that you should or shouldn't keep in contact with your dad....but consider my story because I thought I was "done" with our relationship.
As far as stepmom is concerned, meh.....if you are in her home you should be polite but you don't owe her anything beyond that. Least not IMO. Otherwise I'd just steer clear of her
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