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Old 11-30-2011, 01:02 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 78,860,965 times
Reputation: 22814

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Quote:
Originally Posted by PJ8 View Post
Not everyone has such a negative outlook on life. Chances are just as good that OP could form close and lasting relationships with these half-siblings.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Right. And as long as there is a chance of that
That chance exists only in the Utopia Pollyanna world.

Oh, well, enough arguing about it. Hopefully, the OP will come back and let us know what the outcome was.
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Old 11-30-2011, 01:05 PM
 
1,226 posts, read 2,049,763 times
Reputation: 1863
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
It was "reasonable" when you were 3 and you were asking Mommy and Daddy for a brother or a sister. I this situation it is NOT! You don't go destroy the lives of a number of people who will reject you in the process anyway and have every right to do so, even if you ended up in this mess through no fault of your own. OK, I'm an only child, too. Perhaps it's "reasonable" for me to go steal me some siblings!
Destroy their lives???........ these people are in their 40's!! I can't imagine that they are so emotionally attached to their parents or have such grandiose visions of them that this would "devastate their lives". They are aware of the separation, they are aware of the relationship, they met the "other woman", and I'm assuming they are aware of the birds and the bees. If their lives become destroyed, they were hanging on a very fine balance to begin with. Some people are very much overreacting with this..... or am I just abnormally detached from my parents that something they did in their past would not devastate me? Unless you are a 16 year old Daddy's girl, your reaction seems over the top to me.
She is not stealing siblings... their same blood runs through their veins, they are her siblings.

Its not going to be that dramatic on either way, so stop stressing about it. They are not going to be devastated and their lives ruined.... really. But you have to also realize that you probably have some dramatic hopes and images of what it COULD be, the siblings you never had, and that probably won't happen either. Its probably going to be welcoming at first, nobody will know exactly how to fit the other into their lives, they will make some attempts, you will make some attempts, it won't feel like you thought it would feel, they won't know exactly what to do, but you'll keep in touch, give each othe big hugs at your fathers funeral, invite them to your wedding, maybe see each other every few years, send Christmas cards, introduce them to your children, attend their funerals, the End.

Last edited by cc0789; 11-30-2011 at 01:18 PM..
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Old 11-30-2011, 01:06 PM
 
Location: Noblesville, IN
3,695 posts, read 4,075,664 times
Reputation: 6220
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
Because, given the amount of pain it's likely to cause among all the parties involved, one has to be realistic.
Look, I completely understand what ya'll are saying. I do. I understand that there is a chance it will progress negatively. That is a reality. But is it not also a reality to have it turn out well...even if it slowly progresses? Isn't it possible that he will be embraced?

I guess you really could go either way: 1) you're dealing with mature enough adults that will respond with tact and respect (no matter the outcome) or 2) you're dealing with bitter or angry people who haven't separated their parents acts' from their personal lives. And we make a big leap to say that we expect folks to act maturely...but I dare to dream. AND I've been in a similar situation. So, while trying to be realistic, I'm also being hopeful. I still don't think we can say one way or the other how it's going to turn out.
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Old 11-30-2011, 01:18 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 88,310,401 times
Reputation: 39845
Quote:
Originally Posted by cc0789 View Post
Destroy their lives???........ these people are in their 40's!! I can't imagine that they are so emotionally attached to their parents or have such grandiose visions of them that this would "devastate their lives". They are aware of the separation, they are aware of the relationship, they met the "other woman", and I'm assuming they are aware of the birds and the bees. If their lives become destroyed, they were hanging on a very fine balance to begin with. Some people are very much overreacting with this..... or am I just abnormally detached from my parents that something they did in their past would not devastate me? Unless you are a 16 year old Daddy's girl, your reaction seems over the top to me.
She is not stealing siblings... their same blood runs through their veins, they are her siblings.
Yep.
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Old 11-30-2011, 02:09 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 78,860,965 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by cc0789 View Post
But you have to also realize that you probably have some dramatic hopes and images of what it COULD be, the siblings you never had, and that probably won't happen either.
Thank you, Dr. Shrink! I'll nominate this as one of the most ridiculous posts of the year!
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Old 11-30-2011, 02:48 PM
 
1,226 posts, read 2,049,763 times
Reputation: 1863
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
Thank you, Dr. Shrink! I'll nominate this as one of the most ridiculous posts of the year!
oops, meant to address that second paragraph to mich...... if it wasn't obvious enough. Didn't have to smack yourself in the head, just a typo..... and some bipolar meds might help that rollercoaser of moods your on.
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Old 11-30-2011, 02:53 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 78,860,965 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by cc0789 View Post
oops, meant to address that second paragraph to mich...... if it wasn't obvious enough. Didn't have to smack yourself in the head, just a typo..... and some bipolar meds might help that rollercoaser of moods your on.
Then learn to say what you mean. I'm not a mind-reader. Oh, and take care of your own meds! I don't believe in pharmaceutical happiness.
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Old 11-30-2011, 04:02 PM
 
Location: El Paso, TX
3,307 posts, read 3,869,422 times
Reputation: 2538
Quote:
Originally Posted by michimaize View Post
wow, this post really took off!

I'm not sure how to multiquote, so I'll respond to a few different posts here:


Elamigo (and others who suggested I approach my father about this) - I have no relationship with my father and don't care to reestablish it. I'm not so much concerned about his reaction or what he wants me to do in this situation. My concern would be for his wife and kids who are the innocent parties in this.
Establishing a relationship with him was not the point. The point was to get information from him. However, if you do not want to have any contact with him then you are limited with information about the family. With this in mind, your concern is valid and I agree with some that reponded to just let it rest. Take care.
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Old 11-30-2011, 04:07 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 78,860,965 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by PJ8 View Post
Not everyone has such a negative outlook on life.
Oh, I've missed that. I wish all of you "positive ones" to have your husbands' illegitimate children you've never heard of show up at your door! How's that for positive?! Enjoy!
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Old 11-30-2011, 06:08 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 88,310,401 times
Reputation: 39845
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
Oh, I've missed that. I wish all of you "positive ones" to have your husbands' illegitimate children you've never heard of show up at your door! How's that for positive?! Enjoy!
hmmmm....IF my husband had an illegitimate child and they showed up in my life I certainly wouldn't be upset with the child

Gee, the audacity of an innocent child/adult child of wanting to know their blood relations - the nerve of some people
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