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If I were you...I'd find out their addresses, write them a letter( send it certified, so you're certain they receive it) explaining what you've told us that you don't want trouble, but wanted to open the door an if they reply go from there, if not, then you tried and the ball is in their court. I wish you the best.
And you're sure meeting these half siblings who may or may not know the OP exists is the answer to loneliness?
No one is blaming the OP, just giving warning that the OP could meet up with rejection that could be very hurtful. Sure it could all work out - they may greet the OP with open arms and give a big welcome, or they may make their resentments very known.
Of course the OP has every right to contact them, but also they have every right to respond however they might. I think that's why some of us have suggested the OP try to find out more first.
I didn't say doing this was "an answer to loneliness".
Sierra asked why anyone WOULD do this and I responded that maybe she's and only child and just wants some siblings - which is a reasonable thing in my book.
"Lonely only" is just an expression meaning an only child - perhaps you're not familiar with this old expression?
If I were you...I'd find out their addresses, write them a letter( send it certified, so you're certain they receive it) explaining what you've told us that you don't want trouble, but wanted to open the door an if they reply go from there, if not, then you tried and the ball is in their court. I wish you the best.
Knowing that they know of the relationship between your father and mother I would go with round4's advice or similar approach..Maybe an Email or PM on Facebook.
Maybe you could meet them socially on an individual basis. You don't have to tell them who you are. Meet as strangers and see what develops. My only living blood relative is my brothers daughter who knew only her stepfather. The mother didn't want her to know of my brother and rightfully so. I still own the family home as a rental and as an ironic twist, her family moved down the street. I've seen her once or twice and a friend of mine talked to her mother as I have always wanted to meet her. The mother was receptive as she is in her 20's now and knows the truth, however, she does not want to meet me. I respect that, but as my only living heir she is going to miss out on a nice nest egg. I'm glad she doesn't know about the money. It's nice that you have a family, and I understand your wanting to meet your half siblings. I've always wanted a family life but I would rather kill myself than spend any time with my husbands family, so be careful what you wish for. I hope it works out for you.
Sierra asked why anyone WOULD do this and I responded that maybe she's and only child and just wants some siblings - which is a reasonable thing in my book.
It was "reasonable" when you were 3 and you were asking Mommy and Daddy for a brother or a sister. I this situation it is NOT! You don't go destroy the lives of a number of people who will reject you in the process anyway and have every right to do so, even if you ended up in this mess through no fault of your own. OK, I'm an only child, too. Perhaps it's "reasonable" for me to go steal me some siblings!
It was "reasonable" when you were 3 and you were asking Mommy and Daddy for a brother or a sister. I this situation it is NOT! You don't go destroy the lives of a number of people who will reject you in the process anyway and have every right to do so, even if you ended up in this mess through no fault of your own. OK, I'm an only child, too. Perhaps it's "reasonable" for me to go steal me some siblings!
Why do you insist that the ONLY outcome will be to destroy these peoples' lives?
It's not like we don't know about each other at this stage in our lives (I'm the youngest at 44), but what would we say? I know your situation is slightly different but the question of whether to contact them is a hard one. I seriously think if you want to contact them, you should. Think about how to do it though...perhaps contact one sibling and have them present it to the others. I don't think I'd go through their mother b/c she either doesn't know or she has put it behind her. Some will probably say to mind your business but who you are and where you came from are important and your father made choices. If he's alive, contact him. If someone gets their feelings hurt, well, time to take a big boy/girl pill and move past it. I think you'll always wonder if you don't do it now. I really don't think it has to be some earth shaking thing where lives are destroyed...that's so dramatic and unnecessary. They might be open to expanding their family and you, too, for that matter.
Good luck...let us know if you decide to contact them.
Excellent post.
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Unless he's very revengeful, what is the point of potentially ruining a marriage and the relationship this man has with his children? To you this whole disaster is worth it just so that he meets them once?! Because chances are close to 100% these "siblings" wouldn't want to have anything to do with him.
Not everyone has such a negative outlook on life. Chances are just as good that OP could form close and lasting relationships with these half-siblings.
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Not everyone has such a negative outlook on life. Chances are just as good that OP could form close and lasting relationships with these half-siblings.
Right. And as long as there is a chance of that, AND as long as our OP understands it could go the other direction (rejection), there is no reason not to try.
The fear that some are expressing of others people lives being negatively impacted doesn't make sense to me. All these folks are grownups - if they can't handle the truth that's not our OP's problem.
I guess to some people the truth really is inconvenient, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be told!
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