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Don't spend over $300 a month for those, and b*tch about how great other people have it, and you have zero money to do anything and can never take your kids anywhere. Change your priorities, $300 is alot of money to waste, if you want to smoke, think about what you're giving up in exchange, not to mention your kids smell like smoke all the time.
Ok, I have this neighbor who is nice, but a pest. Her kids are over all the time, which is totally fine. Today she came over after the kids went to school and was going on and on, about how I got it together and she was so envious of our life and that she never gets to do anything. How appreciative she is for me taking her kids with us on outings and sending over different food items, that I had extra, if they didn't take it I would have thrown them away, it wasn't that big of a deal. I told her thanks, but I'm not really that together and my life isn't that grand and the food was extra. She wouldn't stop, I had to secretly text my husband to call me, so I could tell her I had an important call and send her on her way.
This makes me feel awkward, and it's not the first time she has done this "weirdness".
Not to be telling her what to do, but if her and the husband didn't smoke a pack of cigs a day, each, they might be able to afford a few things. Just sayin'
Sounds like shes in need of a listening ear and a friend who understands her situation. Sure, she may have made her own bed in the way she handles money...but id try to be patient with her and suggest she considers making a strict budget and/or seeing a Financial Counsellor. She obviously holds you in high esteem, and thats pretty honoring isnt it ?
If it's a hardship for you to take her kids to the movies, or you feel like you are indirectly subsidizing her smoking habit by taking on some of her other expenses of child-rearing, just ask for her to pay for the outings or simply stop being so generous if it bothers you so much.
But if you're just annoyed that she rambles on while thanking you, then this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by STT Resident
All she needs to do is say firmly, "Look, I'm glad you appreciate it but it's really not a problem! Now I really have to get going as I've a ton of things to do!" Gently usher her towards the door, push her out and problem solved.
The point is to be graceful about it, no matter what you do. I don't agree with what some said about making passive-aggressive comments about the woman's smoking. A) It has nothing to do with your generosity toward her children, which should come from the heart, B) people almost never hear themselves in commentary like that, and C) if they do, they will be resentful, and next thing you know, all of your other neighbors are giving you the stinkeye because if she talks to you, she talks to them.
Either give, ask for some help with outings, hush up and do what STT says, or stop giving.
Well, honestly, you wouldn't be doing this lady any favors by pretending to be nice to her, or that you even like her. You sound a bit snobbish to me. So, do her and yourself a favor, and just be too busy to have her over at all. She will take the hint eventually, althought she may be so nice that she worries that she offended you, and of course she did, just by being somewhat subservient in her initial contacts, nothing to awful. Believe me, one day you may be dealing w/ some really awful ppl, and you'll regret not having just an open book type person to relate to. But, oh well. Throw away ppl are becoming the norm these days. What has happened to just being a nice person, not making a big deal out of an overly friendly, and complementary neighbor. and Since her kids spend so much time, she certainly needs to get a chance to check you out. Obviously she should keep her kids away from yours also, since if she is "wierd", eventually your kids will make her kids feel that way too. Pretty rude, if you want my opinion.
Old dog here and I pretty much have to agree with JanND and Miss Lucky. I have been on both sides of the fence. As the recipient of the "kindness" my neighbor knew that her involvement with my child was a godsend. I tried to thank her several times and one day she just said they knew...her husband was a cop and they knew...I went to work every day..my child went to school every day..I was trying and some things can't be helped but that my child didn't have to be around it all the time...so they would continue to help when they could...I never felt like I was imposing after that and they took her to the beach several times in summers, to parades, to the childrens events..I paid and dressed her as needed and my child was loved and included by this family. We were never more then neighbors but I will never be able to thank them enough...
As the giver I saw it as an opportunity to pay it forward to a family with several children. I never asked for money because money wasn't an issue when we included their children. When the Mom tried to thank me I looked her in the eye and told her honestly and openly that I enjoyed her childrens company and they were welcome to come along. That opened a door for a parenting chat that included the fact that I would treat her children as my own and a discussion on boundries...We formed a friendship that lasted until they left the state.
Parents don't realize the impact they have on their children and what JanND says about how your characterizing the family as weird may have some back lash is true also...do you ever wonder where bullying comes from?? Yes, the children are the messenger but who sends the message and where does it start?? So innocently as a conversation overheard on the phone or something said at the dinner table. Ever play the telephone game? You say that something someone did was gay and the next thing you know that person is gay... And parents brush it off because children are cruel.
Just some things to think about...In the end, if it doesn't come from your heart then don't do it. Furthermore, the true test of generosity is that you don't talk about it, you just do it, and are happy that you can do it.
BTW if you have a problem with how they drop off your child after a meeting then you have a response to her interuppting your day and whining in your ear..in a nice way of course.
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Change your priorities, $300 is alot of money to waste, if you want to smoke, think about what you're giving up in exchange, not to mention your kids smell like smoke all the time.
