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Old 12-15-2011, 11:09 AM
Location: Old Town Alexandria
14,505 posts, read 23,724,078 times
Reputation: 8837


Originally Posted by Mooseketeer View Post
I actually I KNOW many people are far more bitter than I am about things. Considering I always seem to be the one that people run to to tell me their woes and complain about husbands, wives, children, parents etc.... I KNOW for a fact that many funerals I have been to were a front of major hypocrisy. I have been to those funerals where the "public front" was one of grief and sorrow and privately one of glee, relief and delight. So don't you dare patronise me with your home spun wisdom.

Sorry to burst your little bubble of rose tinted spectacles but many people loathed the people whose funerals they attend ( and in many events have to organise being the prime "mourners"). If you genuinely can't see that monsters are turned into saints by the very nature of their death because of societal pressures then you are blind.

And yes some people are victims. And have the right to relish the demise of someone who has wronged them beyond all measure. Spit and dance on their graves if it makes them feel better. Some people are victims to such an extent that they deserve real healing closure.

If you have been sexually abused by someone for example then as far as I am concerned you have as much rights as the family to express yourself . Especially if the "mourners" were aware of the deceased's proclivities for example. You might not quite be able to comprehend this , with your head in the clouds but sometimes being honest brings closure, and can enable the healing process.

Once again you ignored the fact that I said I would not myself upset a grieving relative. But would I turn up at the funeral and enjoy the fact the bastard was decomposing and on a one way ticket . Hell yes. And I would do the spitting and dancing in my own good time, in private ( hence the hypocrisy on my part which I admitted to ).

Sorry my hatred of my MIL is not original enough. You know absolutely nothing about me, about Her or about our relationship . You have no idea why I hate her, what she has done and why I will be glad to see her Dead. Nada, Zilch, Zip.

What destroys people in life is bitterness, you are quite right. Bitterness because they are not allowed justice and a sense of right having been enacted. Injustice makes bitter. Too bloody right.

It makes me bitter than children all over the world are abused and exploited, it makes me bitter that women are raped and trafficked, it makes me bitter that we have endless wars, that we have poverty, famine, it makes bitter that we suffer environmental degradation and cultural empoverishment, it makes me bitter that the good people tend to be trodded over and anihilated by the powerful and the evil, it makes me bitter that there is too seldom justice in this justice.

Too right I am bitter. Bitter, angry, disappointed , upset, sad. It makes me grieve and depresses me. It enrages me so much that I try to turn my bitterness into positive things and do as much as I can to stand up for what I believe in , socially , politically and personally. If I was not angry beyond measure and bitter until my head is filled with indignation I would not find the energy to fight what I regard as wrong, to lobby politicians , to be active with various charities and groups.

Bitterness is what spurs me on to fight and I regard it as a good thing.

Rage and Bitterness are excellent tools I find in the arsenal of social involvement. For me anyway. It gives a real meaning to doing things I consider right.

I feel rage and bitterness because I live in a world which is so bleak and so devoid of humanity in so many respects that I feel dutybound to stand up and be counted. To be a human being and not to feel outrage ,disgust and rage is to me incomprehensible. I try to turn this bitterness into a tool for positive action so please forgive me if as a human being I also enjoy the little foible of not being able to be the "big person" when it comes to 3 people in my life.

I have not murdered either of them , never raised my hand to any and in fact been an Angel of restraint and dignified patience.

But when that funeral cortege comes along the corner I shall indeed give myself the little pleasure of finding joy, relief and a sense of closure. A big great grin on my bitter little face. Bitterness turned into happiness and closure. No bitterness no more, at least not on the personal front. So you see bitterness to me only exists because of a sense of impotence and powerlessness. Once you regain the upper hand the bitterness evaporates... Being pragmatic in essence.

And I am not ashamed of it. Because for once it will make ME feel better about something.

I seem to spend most of my life worrying and caring about other people so I shall indulge this little weakness of mine and I don't bloody care if that makes me a terrible human being.

We all have our vices. This one is mine.
It doesnt make u a terrible human being . I hear where ur with certain relatives. I have a brother I havent spoken to in 8 years. But I no longer need approval or care. If I am decent to someone and they cant be bothered or are judgemental or verbally abusive, I now tell them to their face.

I will not waste time puttting up facades.

Your situation is unique to you, the only thing I can post is here: it helped me get through and let go of the rage..Its about your survival, and not allowing people to make you feel lousy....(Ignore the religious context, but he is good on some issues here. Im agnostic )

The Dr. Wayne Dyer Blog - Dr. Wayne Dyer
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Old 12-16-2011, 08:48 PM
Location: Center of the universe
24,757 posts, read 33,859,669 times
Reputation: 11780
Hanni El Khatib: Singing Along To A Murderous Threat : NPR
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Old 12-16-2011, 08:49 PM
Location: United State of Texas
1,708 posts, read 5,435,778 times
Reputation: 2101
I don't attend funerals of people I do like.
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Old 12-17-2011, 12:48 PM
Location: London
1,587 posts, read 3,232,886 times
Reputation: 1324
Out of respect for their family and those deluded enough to actually like them, I would not attend.

Out of respect for myself and what they put me through, I would allow myself to feel happy and relieved that they're gone, and not feel guilty about it.
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Old 12-17-2011, 01:30 PM
Location: Nebraska
4,179 posts, read 9,387,002 times
Reputation: 9551
No matter where or when my ex-husband dies, I will be sure to attend that funeral. 1) As a previous poster said, to make sure he's dead, and 2) to see if Hell has left its mark on his corporeal body yet.
He was violently abusive to me and my sons for 5 years, and even stalked us for two years after the divorce, threatening death. 20 years after my wonderful, devoted, and gentle 2nd hubby married me and adopted our children, that miserable ex was still trying to butt into our lives and whine about how he'd changed; calling the adult boys after he gave them up for adoption so that he wouldn't have to pay child support. Fortunately, they told him to go away and never bother them again - they weren't falling for his lies and self-pity, either.

I could care less about his worthless family "grieving over him"; they enabled him, pitied him, and supported him, even told me that his sort of behavior was normal for men and that I should just "put up with it as a good Christian wife would do". I'll be proud to travel 2000 miles, march right down that aisle, look in that coffin, laugh - and walk out.

No, I'm not a "good Christian" - and if I had been, I'd be a dead one, with their final and sanctimonious approval. Eff them. My life-after-divorce has been a wonderful, full, and happy one - and seeing him finally dead in his coffin while I am alive and happy will be the icing on the cake of my rescued, joyous, and totally redeemed life.

Most people's funerals of whom I simply don't like I simply don't attend. But that one - Betcherazz. I may even wear bells!
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Old 12-19-2011, 07:18 PM
Location: Old Town Alexandria
14,505 posts, read 23,724,078 times
Reputation: 8837
SC Granny. lol. Congrats on ur second good marriage.

My ex lost his mother last year. I got over hating him, but no I couldnt attend the funeral with the enabling sister who bailed drunkards (him) out of jail, and then blamed me.

Amazing how many enablers there are . Usually in abusive families.
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